Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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I saw a bumper sticker saying β€œI am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal”

Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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The World Health Organization has declared that dogs can’t transmit corona virus and therefore dogs don’t need to be quarantined anymore.

W.H.O let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I went traveling to find the best pie. A pie in Jamaica costed 1.50$. One in Cuba was therefore only 1$. The most expensive I found was on the Bahamas and costed a whopping 3$. I might write a book about this...

I'll name it the Pie-rates of the Carribean

-Not mine, my dad's I have full disclosure to use it though :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukas0303
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I think, therefore I yam
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yvngdicaprio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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RenΓ© Descartes in the morning: β€œI think, therefore I am.”

RenΓ© Descartes in the afternoon: β€œI think, therefore I pm.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n_wilkerson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearfeedmitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Milk drowns cereal.

Therefore, milk is a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I spent an hour cleaning a vacuum with a vacuum to make one of the vacuums suck more. This made the other one suck less, and therefore suck more. Now they both suck, more or less.

I couldn't find a home for this in r/Showerthoughts or r/WordAvalanches so I'm putting it here. I hope it doesn't suck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drsetherz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
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'Therefore...'

Said the man pointing to quadruplets.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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A horse enters a bar and orders a drink.

When he’s finished, the barkeep asks if he wants another. The horse replies, β€œI don’t think I do...” and vanished from existence.

To get the joke, you need to know Rene Descartes’ theory β€œI think, therefore I am.” But if I explained that before the joke, I would be putting Descartes before de horse.

<Staring into the crowd like Fozzie Bear>

... I’ll show myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techsavior
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.

Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Logical fallacies are annoying.

Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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If Post Malone uploads a photo of himself on social media...

Does he therefore Post Malone?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holywhitefang1
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Will Smith do so?

Will Smith's property (150 acres) is larger than Vatican City (110 acres). Therefore, if he were to do so, it would not be the smallest country.

That day would be known as independence day.

The country would be a Fresh Principality.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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What did the photocopier philosopher say?

I print, therefor I am.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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I am a sweet potato

Therefore I yam

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I opened the oven....

I just opened the oven and there were loads of tiny people dancing to techno.

It was a micro-rave.

I'm sorry

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMightyJoeYoung
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'l think; therefore, I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets it.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basicsaltine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
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The chemical symbol for Iron is Fe...

... and therefore Iron Man is a Fe Male
Happy International women's day

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBassMeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
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Thinking on the farm

The philosopher pig is approached by a young piglet. The piglet asks how he is so smart. The philosopher pig replies "Cogito ergo sum, I think, therefor I ham"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LimpSasuage
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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How does a logician explain why long lines form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaperSpock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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What was the first thing the sentient potato said?

β€œI think. Therefore, I yam.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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I'm no longer in Rome..

Therefore it's now Ro

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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What did the philosopher say when he fell overboard?

I sink, therefore I swam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaska_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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What is the skunk's favorite quote

I stink, therefore I am.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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I was playing Super Smash Bros with my friend yesterday and her dad overhears her mom call her ruthless.

Her: β€œI’m not ruthless”

Her dad: β€œWell your name isn’t Ruth so therefore you are ruthless”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked my son. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." I answered.

I continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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Regular fish get educated in schools, but where do sharks go for education?

Ok this requires a bit of context. In Norwegian, shark translates to hai. The answer is therefore:

Sharks go to Hai-Schools!

This is quite a classic, in norwegian, but as we don’t call groups of fish schools, i found this joke works for both languages! Hope you enjoyed!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imodigum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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What is a skunk's guiding philosophy in life?

I stink, therefore I am.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

Because I am dying of the flue and will not live much longer, I am now turning over to you this grate responsibility. As a symbol of my blessing, and to make the transfer complete, I therefore pass this mantel to you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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What did Descartes say after not showering for a week?

"I stink, therefore, I am."

Alternatively: what did Descartes say after becoming an alcoholic? "I drink, therefore, I am."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/F-YR-F
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Dad dropped this in the car

My sister was telling a story about how zoos raise cheetahs and dogs together and therefore the adult cheetahs would take their cues from the dogs. When the dogs are calm, the cheetahs are calm too. To which my dad says, "That sounds like cheeting to me."

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warrior2014
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Once upon a time there was a woman

Her name was Ninety and she had three kids. One day, the kids found a stray cat in their backyard and they decided to take care of it. However, they knew that their mother would disapprove, so in order to keep it a secret, they used "This" when referring to the cat. Eventually, the cat died of old age and the kids moved on with their lives. Therefore, only Ninety's kids will remember This.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomatomater
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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The best dad jokes are the ones you laugh at more than the audience...

I didn't come up with this but its been flying around reddit for a while...

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' replied the son,I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' said the son to this,I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Sven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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A safer type of candle

My wife keeps going on about the horror stories she hears at work of fires starting due to candles. I decided to develop my own candle which doesn't produce heat and therefore there is no risk of a fire. It only makes scents.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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What did the sweet potato philosopher say?

I think, therefore I yam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clitbeastwood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Whats your name? [xpost /r/Jokes]

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?" "No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most...cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen." "What's your name?" she asks.

The man replies "B.J.......B.J. Titsngolf."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmlkmljkl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
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My wife says about my Dadjokes: "You think you're funny."

Me: "I think. Therefore, I am."

(followed by a quick tactical advance in the opposite direction)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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I doubt, therefore I might be.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.

The bartender says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse says "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy, "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arayakim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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