The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Did you know, in Iran they are petrified of spiders.
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."
What generation does Forest Gump belong to?
A man is preparing to cut down a tree in the forest.
The tree says, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The man replies, "You're going to dialogue."
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?
Because nature abhors a vacuum
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.
Do you think it's stumped?
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
What would you say about someone who likes automobiles, writing instruments, and forests?
That they’re in to carpentry!
Son: “What crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”
Dad: “Well I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”
What is Forest Gump's password?
There's an Amazon Forest but no Microsoft Forest - why is that?
Why does it take one match to start a forest fire....
....but a whole box to start a camp fire.
I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night
First I was afraid, I was petrified
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
Why did the bear leave the forest he was living in?
Because it was unbearable to live there anymore...
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
To the person who stole my MS Office License.
I will find you. You have my Word.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
A tree... In a forest? And no one is around?!
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
I was out hunting in the forest with my shotgun...
... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.
She replied yes, so I shot her.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer
I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
How do we know that a tree makes a sound if it falls in the forest?
Because it will dialogue.
This is the last thing I need
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
My wife called me at work and said “it’s time, the baby is coming”
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
How do you make the number one disappear?
You add "g" and it's GONE
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
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