Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I met my wife when we were both stabbed by the same knife
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done
None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
I carry dietary fiber with me instead of a knife when I leave the house...
I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.
[REQUEST] I'll get straight to the point, I need a knife pun
As the title says, I need a pun that involves two unlikely friends. Knives and Charity/donations.
Any help would be appreciated!
Knife to be here in this community
Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say
At least the both have something "in" common.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Sharpening the dadjoke knife here lately...
My 4y/o is watching a cartoon whereby there are some asteroids and meteors & says, “Oh my goodness gracious! Daddy! A meteor shower!!”
To which I responded, “Meatier than what? Campbell’s Chunky Soup?”
Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?
Because he wanted to look sharp.
What happened to the dull knife's application
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Did you ever hear about the Samurai with only a 6 inch sheathe knife who was still an effective and deadly killer?
He was a one-hilt wonder.
What did the knife say to the tuxedo?
What do you call a knife that joins the track team?
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed “Ouch, what are you doing!!”
He says, “I’m applying the turn-a-cut!”
I saw a footage a person stabbing someone in the chest with a hot knife
It was really heartwarming
I went knife shopping today but returned empty handed. None of them made the cut
Whenever the server asks my Grandpa how he wants his steak done, he holds his fork and knife up and says "just walk the cow on by!"
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? DAD: No, it was with a knife
Did you hear about the lady who stopped a knife fight using cake batter?
She bravely took a whisk.
Have you heard that joke about the knife?
I've got to admit, it is a little dull.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What did the knife robber say to the spoon
My knifes didn't get on the team for the Olympics.
I guess they just didn't make the cut.
As much as I tried, the knife would not cut through the wood.
I should have known it just wouldn't cut it.
An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever…
His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”
The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”
In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo…
All the other paintball players started freaking out though…
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife
Did you hear about the punk rock knife
It's really edgy...
But only to a point...
What did the knife say to the other knife on prom night?
My dad accidentally left a knife in the fridge...
Mom found it and she yelled from the kitchen: "Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
My dad, without missing a beat, replied: "Because revenge is a dish best served cold!"
God damn, dad.
What does King Arthur call the knife he uses to cut his omelettes?
For the final piece of coursework in my art diploma, I used my knife to cut a line across Mr Hamill and Mr Wahlberg just after they'd finished eating.
Thankfully Duck with knife found stuck in its head has made a full recovery and is now going by the name Quack the knife
Conniving. The act of not knowing how to pronounce the word "knife."
Thankfully Duck with knife found stuck in its head has made a full recovery and is now going by the name Quack the knife
My mom asked the server for a sharper knife
Holding up the butter knife and saying “This just won’t cut it.”
What did the knife say to the sausage?
I am your wurst nightmare.
As we were eating dinner last night, I held up the salt shaker and my knife and asked my family, "Do you know what this is?"
Assault with a deadly weapon!
Why did the knife get fired from the bread factory?
The vacuum raised the knife up high, and as he was about to kill his first born boy he exclaimed
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? DAD: No, it was with a knife...
Why did the Knife dress up in a suit?
Because it wanted to look sharp.
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