Venice Puns

Please accept my Gondolances.

But when I got there, the streets were empty with only a small sign saying that there would be no show today because it was the Ferrous Duelers' Day Off.

I sent his family my Gondolences.

Canalbalism

Hey Son, look at those kids, only 4/6 years old and they already speak Italian!

But after we paid for dinner we were baroque.

My mom tells us that according to studies, Venice sinks a little more every year. My dad then responds, "What's Venice sinking (said to sound like thinking) about?"

I lost it in front of many foreign tourists who probably thought I was mental.

I am just getting back from dinner with my girlfriend and her dad. He was telling a story about how, back in the day, he and a friend of his were on a trip to Europe. I forget why, but they had an option to either go back home to the states or travel without their group for another two weeks. They decided to stay and travel and made a stop in Venice. While there, he and his friend had made it their goal to find and photograph a blind man.

Why?

"So I could show people a picture of a Venetian blind."

My girlfriend groaned audibly. I laughed uproariously.

My family was walking in Venice and some guy approached my dad and said "Excuse me sir do you speak Italian?" Dad "No." Guy "Do you speak English?" Dad "No." Guy "Do you speak French then?" Dad "No." Guy "Then what language do you speak?" Dad "English" The guy gave up after that point. Once he left, my dad turned to me and said "That is a youism if there ever was one." I responded by saying "No dad I would have said we spoke Chinese."

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

Can’t Seeattle

Marco Polio

Me: You really cannot say when the lockdown will end, KENYA?

She: yeah, this SPAIN hurts

Me: stay home and be safe, whats the RUSSIA?

She: I am bored, VENICE this gonna end?

Me: At least your savings is DUBLIN right?

She: I give up, IRAN out of travel puns now

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

One is venison and one is Venice, son.

Florence?! Looks more like Venice to me.

We were sitting up at the dinner table tonight, and my sister was over too. We started talking about travelling and she mentioned about how when she went to Venice, she didn't see many of the local Venicians, just lots of tourists. Dad went on to explain to us (with a big grin on his face) the reason you don't see many venetians is because most of them are blind...

Please accept my gondolances.

No, Venice is in Italy.