My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My wife texted me saying "Your great!". I responded, "No, you're great!" She said the text made her day when she got home.
I guess she really likes being corrected on her grammar.
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
I'm really tired of seeing just text posts here
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
Lad from work has just texted me and told me he’s caught Covid from his cat.
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
Found on a text chain with my grandpa
Texted my son, "Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer!"
"Becausethereisnospacebar!"
I texted my friend that I was missing them and they replied with a very cold reply
I just had a text conversation with my daughter...
She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.
Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.
Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.
Daughter: You're an idiot.
I've just texted my wife Ruth to tell her its over...
I was texting this nun and things were getting pretty hot and heavy. Then out of nowhere she stopped replying.
I still can’t believe she holy ghosted me
Iamonthemoonandthereisnoplacetogetabeer.
Youmightsaythereisnospacebar.
My daughter texted me wondering why I was so happy all day.
I replied that it was my cake day, but she never reddit.
I dream to be this commenter one day.
I tried to order a table from IKEA, but I misplaced an umlaut in my search text. I got a couch instead.
Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.
He says, "Printed in China."
This is a true story lol.
If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...
Even took me a while ngl..
Grandma texted to say my cousin named her baby girl Hadison.
My cousin texted me this.
Hey I just read your text
Do you still want to hang out last week?
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes”
I’m glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
My friend was just diagnosed with a flesh eating bacteria, so I texted him to see how he is doing.
I have a friend that's scared of text in capslock, one day a guy sent him a full caps text
I can't belive how bold he was
What would happen if you texted the dead?
My friend texted me saying he jumped off a tower, I said yeah right...
He says ‘I’m dead serious!’
My girlfriend is constantly getting angry at me for texting my ex’s
The weird thing is she could care less when I text my O’s
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO
SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?
Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast
SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!
Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
When I get texts from numbers I don't know.
https://imgur.com/a/x1d2zdx
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
While I was walking the dog, our 4 yo was harassing my wife for a treat. She texted “She’s trying to get a popsicle out of me.”
I responded “But you’re not a freezer.”
I could feel the eye roll down the street.
When I text my dad, he calls me instead of texting back.
My Fiancée was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”
PSA: Do NOT download any text books about pandemics.
My son did and now he has a bunch of viruses on his computer.
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text...
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
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