Got a new tattoo

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bosozokulove
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Looking for a new pun tat

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drippinsteezsam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Dad, I'm so much cooler than you.

Well, put on a jacket, then. You still don't get to touch the thermostat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zotiko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I didn’t have money and my pig tattoo artist said I could just show him my boobs for the piece he did

It was Tit for Tat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WsN17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Can you guess all Tat toe puns? (I can only figure out 7 outtoe 10 of them)
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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I showed my boobs for a free tattoo the other day.

A tit for a tat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goliathkat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liqu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I just got a thermos tattoo

Now I tell everyone, don’t touch my thermos tat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Me: See? To prove I'm not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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A free tattoo?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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How do you get a free tattoo

By showing your tit. It's "tit for tat"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xyz112233
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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It took me a second...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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My father recently got a new tattoo

It was of a Thermos flask that he took to work

I was just checking it out closely, just then he said

"Hey, don't touch my Thermos tat"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadushka008
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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A girl opened a studio called TatTat. When asked what the name meant, she replied...

It's a tat 2 studio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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My dad just got a tattoo of a Thermos on his palm...

Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koleslaw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Oldest pub on the book
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoJoH3110
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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What acute tattoo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aschwede318
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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My local tattoo shop is giving free tattoos if you lift up your shirt

Tit for tat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbsabo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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I went to a tattoo parlour and told the guy I wanted a tattoo of a pen.

He said, "Permanent?"

I said, "No, fountain."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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I was mad about my wife's new tattoo, so I treated myself to the nudie bar...

I guess you could say it was tit for tat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
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Need some help!!!

Need some ideas for a Pun based name for the Skin and Laser Clinic i am looking to start. Professional and funny submissions are all welcome. You never know ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathansf34
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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It's cold in the office

Let me adjust my thermos tat..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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I am going to get a tattoo of a cigarette on my back...

That way it will be a bad habit tat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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Husband Got Me Tonight, and He's Not Even a Member of This Subreddit.

So, I don't have a cell phone, I'm a luddite, so I had him take a picture of my tattoo because /u/AlbinoAlex asked for a pic, told the hubby to email it to me. It didn't arrive quickly, so I told him to send it again. I received the email about 4 minutes later and he asked me, "What was the email titled?" I said, "Tat" he then said, "That was the first email then, as the second one I titled "Tat2" ".

SOOO much laughter from both ends. What a Dad joke!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iced_TeaFTW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
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Friend got another tattoo.

Me: "That's his third tattoo." Dad: "So it's a tat-three."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eabigyear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
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Dad got me in public with this one

We stopped by a stall selling paintings, tshirts, watches and all sorts of cheap tat but they all had pictures of Jesus printed on them.

I asked my Dad "what's with all the Jesus stuff?"

He replied "God knows" and let out a giggle

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My roommate's getting ink done later today. I asked him when his appointment was...

He held up two fingers and said, "it's tat two o'clock"...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/majorshenanigans
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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Got dad joked hard at work today

I was wearing shorts, and my jellyfish tattoo on my leg was showing. My friend and co-worker passes and says "nice tat! Did it sting when you got it?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demevalos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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My 12 year old daughter started a dad joke chain, and I finished it.

Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.

Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".

The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."

So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzlurker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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Dad: See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad, I got a tattoo

Mom: Oh cool! It's... uh?

Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Mom: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...

Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Dad: See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad, I got a tattoo.

Wife: Oh cool! It's... uh?

Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Wife: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...

Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Srayel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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