My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot
A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers
I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly
Any other ideas would be appreciated
Well, put on a jacket, then. You still don't get to touch the thermostat.
It was Tit for Tat
A tit for a tat
All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.
So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”
So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”
The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liqu... keep reading on reddit ➡
Now I tell everyone, don’t touch my thermos tat.
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
By showing your tit. It's "tit for tat"
It was of a Thermos flask that he took to work
I was just checking it out closely, just then he said
"Hey, don't touch my Thermos tat"
It's a tat 2 studio
Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"
Tit for tat
He said, "Permanent?"
I said, "No, fountain."
I guess you could say it was tit for tat.
Need some ideas for a Pun based name for the Skin and Laser Clinic i am looking to start. Professional and funny submissions are all welcome. You never know ;)
Let me adjust my thermos tat..
That way it will be a bad habit tat.
So, I don't have a cell phone, I'm a luddite, so I had him take a picture of my tattoo because /u/AlbinoAlex asked for a pic, told the hubby to email it to me. It didn't arrive quickly, so I told him to send it again. I received the email about 4 minutes later and he asked me, "What was the email titled?" I said, "Tat" he then said, "That was the first email then, as the second one I titled "Tat2" ".
SOOO much laughter from both ends. What a Dad joke!!!
Me: "That's his third tattoo." Dad: "So it's a tat-three."
We stopped by a stall selling paintings, tshirts, watches and all sorts of cheap tat but they all had pictures of Jesus printed on them.
I asked my Dad "what's with all the Jesus stuff?"
He replied "God knows" and let out a giggle
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
He held up two fingers and said, "it's tat two o'clock"...
I was wearing shorts, and my jellyfish tattoo on my leg was showing. My friend and co-worker passes and says "nice tat! Did it sting when you got it?"
Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.
Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".
The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."
So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."
Mom: Oh cool! It's... uh?
Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Mom: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...
Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat