I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Prelude
The Weltkrieg was by far the most devastating conflict to ever occur in Europe. Not since the Thirty Years’ War had there been such an abhorrent amount of wonton devastation. The European empires sought Endsieg, and as a consequence, millions of Germans would either perish or be wounded on the battlefield. The Great War would spare no one, with the Steckrübenwinter and other famines killing nearly a million German civilians. The subsequent November Armistice would see an end to the gargantuan bloodbath.
January 1919 - October 1919
The November Armistice would also see the start of the bloody German Revolution. To fulfill the implication of Wilson’s points, and as a reaction to growing leftist unrest, Wilhelm II “abdicated” and went into exile in the Kingdom of the Netherlands. To ensure stability within the German state, Prince Maximillian Baden and Friedrich Ebert collaborated to transition Germany to a Constitutional Monarchy. Philipp Scheidemann would then issue the impromptu declaration of a republic, which threw a wrench into Ebert’s plans. This resulted in the rise of the Spartacist Regime, which ultimately proved to be immensely unpopular with broad swathes of the conservative German society.
Quartermaster General Wilhelm Groener would eventually restore order in the Deutsches Reich, with the Freikorp suppressing subordinates of the German Revolution. The German Communist Party and the Independent Social Democratic Party of Germany were completely exterminated. The Majority Social Democratic Party survived, albeit it was severely wounded and a complete shadow of its former self.
October-November 1919
With the German Revolution violently and thoroughly suppressed in the unending Weiße Terror, Groener and Hindenburg went about undoing the damage of the Revolutionary Governments. Reforms such as universal suffrage were to be allotted to all men and women over the age of twenty-one, making the Deutsches Reich arguably more democratic than the United Kingdom in some aspects. The October Referendum would see the rights, privileges, and properties of the nobility and royalty being assured by Ebert. The Deutsches Reich would, in turn, transition into a constitutional monarchy.
With Kaiser Wilhelm and Crown Prince Wilhelm in exile, Imperial Regent August Wilhelm and Reichskanzler Wilhelm Groener were presented with the issue of who would be the next Kaiser. Imperial Regent August proposed that his son be crowned. However, it was
... keep reading on reddit ➡They’re on standbi
Canon 331:
The bishop of the Roman Church, in whom continues the office given by the Lord uniquely to Peter...
Ecclesiae Romanae Episcopus, in quo permanet MUNUS a Domino singulariter Petro.. ..
Canon 749.1:
By virtue of his office, the Supreme Pontiff possesses infallibility in teaching when as the supreme pastor and teacher ..
Infallibilitate in magisterio, vi MUNERIS sui gaudet Summus Pontifex quando ut supremus omnium christifidelium Pastor et Doctor .
Canon 332.2
§2. If it happens that the Roman Pontiff resigns his office, it is required for validity that the resignation is made freely and properly manifested but not that it is accepted by anyone.
§2. Si contingat ut Romanus Pontifex MUNERI suo renuntiet, ad validitatem requiritur ut renuntiatio libere fiat et rite manifestetur, non vero ut a quopiam acceptetur.
Then when placed in the light of Canon 17, what do you get?
>Ecclesiastical laws must be understood in accord with the proper meaning of the words considered in their text and context. If the meaning remains doubtful and obscure, recourse must be made to parallel places, if there are such, to the purpose and circumstances of the law, and to the mind of the legislator.
AFAIK, Canon 17 is the proper way to discern the definitions of terms, NOT Wikipedia. Maybe commentary by canonists but I am not aware of any commentaries on munus/ministerium.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
“BOOM”?!
