[Help] Looking for some good clean name puns!

I have a few examples of what I'm looking for. I like them, but I'm sure the power of Reddit can come up with some that are even better!

  • William (Bill) Ding

  • James (Jim) Nastics

  • Bart Ender

  • Ted Manwalkin

  • Gustavo (Gus) Undheit

As you can see, they don't even have to be straight up puns when said normally, but their common nicknames lend themselves into it. Anyone have any more good ones? Bad ones are appreciated too, lets all have a laugh!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
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[Meta] Dadjokes aren't just puns.

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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The hardest part for someone when coming out

Saying it with a straight face

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Komirade666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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So a mom and dad walk up to the register at work today holding baby twins.

I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.

She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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I told my gay friend a joke

He couldn't keep a straight face

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siddharth_pillai
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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My poker cards yesterday were so shitty

Straight flush

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I don’t know what it is about gay people

But they can never seem to form a straight line

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Saw this on FB and had to share

A bus full of housewifes going on a picnic, suddenly fell into a river... they all tragically died.

Each husband cried for a week straight, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.

When asked why he missed his wife so much, he replied miserably: β€œMy wife missed the bus!!!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ir9199
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...

...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"

(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman

I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said β€œI think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”

I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, β€œbut it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hooligan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for

Nobody has given me a straight answer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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I asked a friend what gay meant

He wouldn’t give me a straight answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderfighter6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.

I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.

Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Does anyone know what LGBTQ means?

No one is giving me a straight answer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Math is homophobic

Its always straight lines, never gay lines.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiddharthNikte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,

it doesn't Go Straight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haycutter69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I’ve been asking people what LGBTQ means

Nobody will give me a straight answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingdragon2430
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Daughter says it’s the winner of dad jokes

Our niece told us all in a family group text that they called the election.

I wrote β€œAnd did the election answer or did it go straight to voicemail?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoppaTater1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Why did no one talk to the Cutless

Because it doesn’t go straight to the point

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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My son said, β€œDad, when you were young, was the landline the only way you could communicate with each other?”

I said, β€œNo. Get your fax straight.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"

I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."

My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.

EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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My grandma turned 102 today...

When I asked her, "Whats your secret?"

She looked me straight in the eyes and said, " God is punishing me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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How do we save the bees?

We ask all the β€œstraight A” students to back off... just a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?

Because he worked 9 hours straight.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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There's no place like ...

X0 Y0 Z0

only the hobbyists are gonna keep their head straight, reading this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spanky2222
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Mama Frog was really struggling with her youngest, Little Hop. He couldn’t seem to sit still!

That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.

You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.

Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..

And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, β€œIf you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”

Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.

Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.

And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!

And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..

β€œI toad you so.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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What is lbgtq?

When I ask I can never get a straight answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluelemons111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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My girlfriend is like square root -100

A straight 10 but imaginary too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/somedudefromsg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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What’s The Difference Between A Line And A Gay Person?

One Of Them Is Straight!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt4307
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Ever since I got this hair treatment, people say I've become very arrogant..

I guess the hairplugs went straight to my head..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Little boy doing his home work shouts to his dad. Where are the Andes dad?

The boys father says straight away:- Ask your mum she puts everything away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My wife asked me why I insist on measuring our bookshelf when I get home from a night of drinking.

How else am I going to keep my stories straight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OptimusJosh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Have you heard about the lions that escaped from the circus last night?

I heard they went straight to the juggler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jagerjj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Luck rituals in the Australian Open.

I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.

I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.

Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."

He just smiled...

...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrianBoyko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regulaslight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Rubbish bags are useless, I find.

I always put them in the bin straight after I buy them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Dad, my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too childish

Son, the only way to handle this is to go straight to her house, ring her doorbell and run away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuffedmemes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Do bears have any fur on their butts?

No, they’re straight up beare-assed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for

So far no one has given me a straight answer

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John87Nintendo
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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I've asked so many people what lgbtq stands for

So far I haven't gotten a straight answer

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manukitten2144
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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