Step Mom to my brother: "Have you seen Captain Phillips?"

Dad:Signaling a certain height "Yeah, he's about this tall."

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Mar 19 2014
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My footless brother stepped all over a freshly hatched anthill

Guess you could say he's lack-toes in toddler ants

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Nov 08 2020
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True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

👍︎ 11k
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📅︎ Mar 07
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I wanted to build a staircase but i changed my mind

It required too many steps.

Credits to my brother in law when he was painting his deck.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/Papermint
📅︎ Aug 16 2018
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My fiance got her brother at supper tonight.

Brother: let me try that strawberry lemonade Takes sip and makes an awful face cause it was sour Yeah that is not my cup of tea.

Her: that's because it's strawberry lemonade.

I had to step out because I was laughing too hard.

👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Aug 05 2016
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Dad just hit me with this

Step brother and I were talking about Hugh Jackman.

Dad chimes in "who is this Ackman guy, and why does it matter if he's huge?"

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Apr 17 2015
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He tells me this every birthday...

I'm a triplet, and when my step-dad sends me and my brothers birthday cards, he writes in each one, "You're my favorite; don't tell your brothers."

👍︎ 139
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📅︎ Sep 04 2013
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Mother's Day

I was at the diner with my family on Mom's day. My step brother looks around the packed dining room and says, "Damn it's crowded in here!" to which I reply "Yeah, everyone and their mother is here today."

👍︎ 64
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📅︎ May 16 2014
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My brother has dad humor

My brother drove to my family christmas party with my mom, while I drove separate. When it came time to leave, my brother decided to leave in my car instead of with mom. As we're stepping out the door, my grandma says, "You're separate from your mom?" My brother responded, "Since birth."

👍︎ 33
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📅︎ Dec 09 2013
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Step-dad joked. Embrace change.

Was at my girlfriends graduation when the valedictorian said something about embracing change. Girlfriends Step-dad reached in his pocket, pulled out a nickel and handed it to my girlfriends brother and said "here ya go. Embrace it."

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/nickgenova
📅︎ May 23 2014
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My brother is a genius

Me and my brother both come home to find my mothers been on a shopping trip, bags of food are everywhere in the hall and alone on the stairs is a large piece of cheddar cheese. I ask why the cheese is there and my brother responds..

"Its on the naughty step, it wasn't being mature"

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/Kiddley
📅︎ Oct 13 2014
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Yesterday at Easter dinner my dad made the entire family groan.

My grandma asked my brother, "So have you gotten any chances this semester to study abroad?"

My dad stepped in and said, "Oh don't worry. He's been seeing two girls this semester!"

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/zwgwz
📅︎ Apr 21 2014
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So my brother and I were watching the video for Jack White's song "High Ball Stepper"

Our dad walks up to the computer and asks "What are you guys listening to?" My brother says "High Ball Stepper." Our dad says, "Oh cool," and proceeds to slowly walk away, lifting his knees really high with each step, holding his junk.

We were both just sitting there, shaking our heads...

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/baozhuxi
📅︎ Apr 21 2014
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My dad dropped this last night

OK so a little background. My dad and stepmom recently adopted a chiwawa who had been abused by its previous owners. At first he was extremely skiddish but eventually warmed up and now is a pretty chill, albeit goofy, little guy. My brother was petting him last night and out of no where he gets defensive and turns and bites his leg.

My step mom goes, "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Hes still funny like that sometimes. Isn't he (my dad)?"

My dad non chalantly replies, "I laugh at him all the time."

Me and my brother were just losing it.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ May 26 2014
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