Step Mom to my brother: "Have you seen Captain Phillips?"

Dad:Signaling a certain height "Yeah, he's about this tall."

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Mar 19 2014
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I wanted to build a staircase but i changed my mind

It required too many steps.

Credits to my brother in law when he was painting his deck.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/Papermint
📅︎ Aug 16 2018
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My fiance got her brother at supper tonight.

Brother: let me try that strawberry lemonade Takes sip and makes an awful face cause it was sour Yeah that is not my cup of tea.

Her: that's because it's strawberry lemonade.

I had to step out because I was laughing too hard.

👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Aug 05 2016
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Russian lady

All of my family are waiting for our Russian friend, Mariana, to show up so we can leave for the airport. Mariana is running late.

Brother: (stepping out of the house) "Are we ready yet?"

Aunt: "We're waiting on Russian lady."

Brother: "For a Russian, she sure isn't Russian."

My brother isn't a dad.

👍︎ 46
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📅︎ Oct 11 2015
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Dad just hit me with this

Step brother and I were talking about Hugh Jackman.

Dad chimes in "who is this Ackman guy, and why does it matter if he's huge?"

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Apr 17 2015
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I swear I won't fall for it next time. I swear I won't fall for it next time. I swear...

I have two step brothers, one named Brooks and one named Luke. I also have one Brooks Brothers shirt and every time I wear it around my stepdad he says "Oh, you've got Luke's shirt on."

Afraid I'm being accused of common thievery I always respond, "No, this is mine." And he gets this grin on his face and continues the joke and insists that I'm wearing Brooks' brother's shirt...

Ugh...

👍︎ 28
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👤︎ u/samcbelk
📅︎ Jun 16 2014
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Mother's Day

I was at the diner with my family on Mom's day. My step brother looks around the packed dining room and says, "Damn it's crowded in here!" to which I reply "Yeah, everyone and their mother is here today."

👍︎ 67
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📅︎ May 16 2014
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He tells me this every birthday...

I'm a triplet, and when my step-dad sends me and my brothers birthday cards, he writes in each one, "You're my favorite; don't tell your brothers."

👍︎ 139
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📅︎ Sep 04 2013
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My brother has dad humor

My brother drove to my family christmas party with my mom, while I drove separate. When it came time to leave, my brother decided to leave in my car instead of with mom. As we're stepping out the door, my grandma says, "You're separate from your mom?" My brother responded, "Since birth."

👍︎ 33
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📅︎ Dec 09 2013
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My brother is a genius

Me and my brother both come home to find my mothers been on a shopping trip, bags of food are everywhere in the hall and alone on the stairs is a large piece of cheddar cheese. I ask why the cheese is there and my brother responds..

"Its on the naughty step, it wasn't being mature"

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/Kiddley
📅︎ Oct 13 2014
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Step-dad joked. Embrace change.

Was at my girlfriends graduation when the valedictorian said something about embracing change. Girlfriends Step-dad reached in his pocket, pulled out a nickel and handed it to my girlfriends brother and said "here ya go. Embrace it."

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/nickgenova
📅︎ May 23 2014
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Yesterday at Easter dinner my dad made the entire family groan.

My grandma asked my brother, "So have you gotten any chances this semester to study abroad?"

My dad stepped in and said, "Oh don't worry. He's been seeing two girls this semester!"

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/zwgwz
📅︎ Apr 21 2014
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So my brother and I were watching the video for Jack White's song "High Ball Stepper"

Our dad walks up to the computer and asks "What are you guys listening to?" My brother says "High Ball Stepper." Our dad says, "Oh cool," and proceeds to slowly walk away, lifting his knees really high with each step, holding his junk.

We were both just sitting there, shaking our heads...

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/baozhuxi
📅︎ Apr 21 2014
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My dad dropped this last night

OK so a little background. My dad and stepmom recently adopted a chiwawa who had been abused by its previous owners. At first he was extremely skiddish but eventually warmed up and now is a pretty chill, albeit goofy, little guy. My brother was petting him last night and out of no where he gets defensive and turns and bites his leg.

My step mom goes, "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Hes still funny like that sometimes. Isn't he (my dad)?"

My dad non chalantly replies, "I laugh at him all the time."

Me and my brother were just losing it.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ May 26 2014
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