Aliens In The Family Puns

I'm the bomb

We had ourselves a regular poo-dunit.

The Addams family.

My 9 year old came up with this one and was pretty proud of himself.

No, they mostly stumble around and break stuff.

They checked the reviews and saw we only have one star.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

Both got ruined by Fox

Take me to your liter.

He told me it originally belonged to his grandfather, and it happened to also be a grandfather clock

I said "well then, it's not just a grandfather clock, is it?"

He asked what I meant

I said "it's a great grandfather clock"

He groaned, but conceded the laugh at the end

My parents are both older.

Six year old responds: "Narnia. Narnia business."

My parents very instrumental

My dad (interrupting): "Where were they from?"

My mom: "Idaho"

My dad: "I know you are!"

Usually it’s because I can’t afford it, so thanks again Omicron!

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Centipede.

Bargain - because it means a great deal.

My mom asked us one by one what our name ideas were. She got to my dad. "What's your name, babe?" "It's Mike, sweetie." (My dad's name) My dad and I cracked up and my mom rolled her eyes

Dynasty.

I guess he had an axe to grind

...but one day they woke up and chose violins.

Without saying a word I squeeze my wife’s arm.

She rolls her eyes and says “I knew you were going to make a soft shoulder joke - you’re so predictable”

I said “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything but you have lost a bit of definition….”

He’s telling us about his family and that his dad is essentially dying of kidney failure. I was taking the trash out and looked him in the face, summoned my best deadpan expression and said, “Are you kidneying me?”

Turns out his dad was abusive and pretty awful so he laughed it off while my wife attempted eye murder on me across the room.

I had to support her with the trans-sister radio.

I cooked for everyone and towards the end of the meal my grandfather said it was excellent and the steak was well done.

I looked at the pink meat still on his plate and said "you're losing it Grandpa, that's obviously medium rare."

I said, "look at that butterfly!"

“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Mmm crunchy

They don’t have windows

What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.

Edit: there are two winners.

The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt

The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1

Edit 2: After two weeks in the NICU, we have convinced the doctors to let us upgraded to the wireless home version. Thank you all for your well wishes and jokes.

Because I’m an eighth-theist

European

With a sighsmograph

Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!

After all, I'm outstanding in my field!

...we'll watch Aliens in 2028

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

It was raisin awareness.

They are now truly in-laws.

Amburgers and Woot Beer!

Sign language.

So we drove back home

Sister: Mom can you tilt your phone away, it's blinding me. Mom: Sorry I'm not doing it on purpose. Dad: No, you're doing it on your phone!

He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big bloody deal, I'm four".

Then I said: "Turn left here."

Harrison Fjord!

Take me to your liter.