If the Vegas Golden Knights win the Stanley Cup, no one will ever know
Cause what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head
It's awful to see someone you love mugged.
On Father's Day, my wife and kids woke me up, lifted their coffee cups and said, "You're great, splendid, magnificent, superb, fantastic"
Me: What's this?
Wife: When I asked you what you wanted for your father's day breakfast, you said 'just a coffee and synonym toast'.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
Did you know that when the Stanley Cup was first made, a series of absurd miscommunications resulted in it being mistakenly engraved with the image of a feline anus?
It was a huge catastrophe.
I've made the best cups of tea in the world... What can I say?
Did you hear that Nashville's goaltender got thrown out of an all-you-can-eat pasta buffet during the Stanley Cup?
Turns out Pekka Rinne can wreck a penne...
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Some guy coated all his cups and plates in black varnish.
You might say he japanned his china.
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup
I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet
How do you know if you're in a cafe that makes a real good cup of tea?
How do cups get their money?
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
Drinking a stranger's cup of tea...
...is really not my cup of tea.
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.
They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."
What do you call a cup coaster that fell in the floor?
Optimist: "That cup is half full."
Pessimist: "That cup is half empty."
Engineer: "Why are we making the cups so big?"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
Itty bitty t-cup committee
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
Hawaiian Food Puns - Help Requested
Hi punsters! My wife and I would like to request your help for naming the following party food items with Hawaiian puns. We are hosting a Hawaiian themed baby shower for my wife. The plan is to put tags next to each item.
Ex: Poke bowls: Gotta catch ’em all
Cheese Dips
Salsa Dips
Tortilla Chips
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
Nutter Butter Cookies
Samosas
Cake Pops (shaped like coconuts)
Cup Cakes
Coconut Trifles
Edible Arrangements (Cut up fruit)
Thank you!
Why did the pig watch his team in the playoffs?
He had a rooting interest.
What does a cannibal make in the morning to help get them going?
I spilled my cup...
... and all I got was this tea shirt
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
My wife heated up a cup of coffee "just for me"
Anyone for a drink? A nice cup of tee?
What is the one thing that the Toronto maple leafs have that no other sports franchise can have?
A black and white picture of the last time they won the cup.
Always being asked why I'm holding two plastic drinking cups.
My answer is always the same: Because.
Someone offered me a nice cup of green tea
So naturally I said yes, matcha-bliged
“Looks like a storm’s a-brewin’…”
A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…
Someone stole my coffee cup.
Now I have to go to the police station and look at mug shots.
How did Canada get its name?
They figured out the fairest way to name their country was to pull letters out of a hat. So they gathered around and a guy started pulling letters...
pulls letter "C, eh."
pulls another "N, eh."
pulls another "D, eh."
And that's how Canada got its name.
A Native American man drank 500 cups of tea in one sitting
Nearly drowned in his own teepee
I don't like hot beverages
You could say they aren't my cup of tea
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Get it? Or it isn't your cup of tea?
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