But then it got out of hand
Dad: Are you sure it’s not a shredder?
(TMNT reference)
They are always getting under my skin
It eventually got out of hand
Source: "Oathbringer: the stromlight archive" by Brandon Sanderson
Clint Eatswood.
It really got out of hand.
Master Cylinder
But then I broke it off.
They're a splinter cell!
And that's the tooth of the matter.
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.
What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡My love is a mini splintered thing!
Backstory: Dad gets splinter, mom asks me to hold flash light, I start to get the feeling that I am about to pass out (ears ringing, tunnel vision, light headed.)
Me: Sorry I couldn't be of help, I was about to pass out, my ears starting ringing...
Dad:...Your ears started ringing?
Me: Yeah...
Dad: Well did you pick em up?!
Her:"Hey, I'll be late. I had to meet with the fucking board."
Me: "I hope you didn't get a splinter in your pussy."
I got a splinter in my foot today, and was making a huge deal about it until my mom finally helped me out and removed it.
My grandpa: "So how much did they have to amputate?"
Me (pointing to my heel): "About a foot."
cue groans
It eventually got out of hand.
It eventually got out of hand.
