If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.

It's a Languedoc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What do you call a southern terrorist?

Yee-hawdist

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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What is the most popular boat in the southern US?

A yawl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What do you call a gold prospector in the Southern Hemisphere?

An Au-stralian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordTrollsworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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do you know why German communist ate kids?

because they were kinder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chewby_chan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard southern comfort is nice,

Because normal comfort just tastes like fabric softener!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Did you hear about the tornado in southern USA that was swallowing everything in its path?

It was called the VoreTex-as.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deciperer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My daughter insists she is becoming a Southern Belle.

I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpazMasterK
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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In honor of my father for Father’s Day, I’m going to tack you back to the 1990’s. This is rural southern America please read in southern accent.

Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!

My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.

I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayl6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...

It was Erie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a dog’s favorite southern state?

Barkinsaw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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What do you call a southern Pennsylvania resident who won’t pay for his local food specialty

A Philly cheapskate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U_Haim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts over Southern California?

U.C.L.A.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Were going to see alot of this once hurricane Dorian hits southern Florida. And maybe some Axeidental puns that were felled in there.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daboss104
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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What do you call a southerner with a drinking problem?

An alco-y’all-ic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoingTibiaOK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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I really like sending letters to my gf who lives in Southern California, but she hates my puns. i.reddituploads.com/befad…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeganJack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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A southern gentleman shows up for his vasectomy wearing a tuxedo

The doctor asks "why are you dressed like that?"

"If I'm going to be impotent, I want to look impotent."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If Southern California is called SoCal, why don’t we call Northern California...

Diet?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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How does a southern florist exclaim his disbelief?

What in 'Carnation??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StalinsChoice
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Texan came to visit my farm in Southern Illinois and asked me how many acres I had.

I said "about 500".

Texan said: "I can get in my truck and drive all day and never get off my property!"

I said:"yeah, I had a truck like that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryassburger-il
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Who is Barack' s southern uncle?

Al Obama

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machi_koro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What would the Southern American say if he saw the birth of Jesus?

What incarnation?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TsunamiMage999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My southern friend has loud dogs, I found it funny when he said..

Hush-puppies

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
People in Southern France live their lives on the edge...

As if they had nothing Toulouse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roveringlife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
The people in Southern France must be worried about theft.

They have much Toulouse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parque_Bench
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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My dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anasDTN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why aren't Southern Rail employees getting advent calendars this Christmas?

Cause they can't decide who's responsible for opening the doors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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A former president threw a southern rock party.

Everyone was like ”Sweet home, Obama”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
There we were, driving through a small southern town with my mom and she says, β€œMaple, elm, cedar, all these streets are named after trees. I wonder why.”

Then there’s me over here, β€œI guess tree names were poplar. β€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mapkar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
How is bacon like southern Europe?

It's got a lot of Greece in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adnroy
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Drove past a sign on the freeway that said, "Southern California Institute for the Deaf"...

...I heard that was a great school."

My wife groaned the rest of the drive to her parents house. Also, I'm not a dad but I think I'm ready.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacoboxsi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a southern lumberjack?

A tree feller

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgentInfinity1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you wear to a formal southern dinner?

A collared green shirt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingGorilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
If The Beauty and the Beast took place in America, "Beauty" would have to be from the South

Because she's a Southern Belle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagleeatworld
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the southern farmer say when he caught a deer with no eyes?

"I have no eye deer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Southern math, from my dad

There was a boy who was the first in his family to go down the mountain to high school. After the first day, his pappy asked him what he learned. B - Well, pa, there's this subject called mathematics. D - OK, say something in mathematics for me. B - Pi r square! D - You won't be going back to high school no more. Everybody knows pie are round. Cobbler are square.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/e2e4iweriu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Southerners pronounce Aunt "Aint"

We were over at my dad's sister's house (We'll call her Sophie) My dad asked us (My sister and I): "Do you know whose house are we at?" My sister: "Aint Sophie's" Dad: "Well then whose is it?"

Me: Facepalm with slight chuckle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Venkerman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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Not really a 'joke' per se, but my dad's take on 'Let It Snow', from Southern California

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report

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