How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?

They rocket.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fordskis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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A soothing sentiment...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_Jockstrap
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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I'm gonna make a compilation of soothing farting noises

And call it ASsMR

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/A_Y_M_N_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?' he said...

'No, just up to your neck'

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fullmiz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Why did the technician sing to the broken computer?

Trouble-soothing.

My son loves this one with online learning. I only had to explain to him what troubleshooting was 4 times!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OrangeCandi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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No wonder that trees are so soothing and calming.

They're forest.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kahooki
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I have a invention! It's a small edible device that would freshen your breath while simultaneously releasing a subtle and soothing A-chord. You would use the device (with the fresh breath and soothing sound) to help increase the effectiveness of apologies.

I call it:

THE A-TONE-MINT!!!!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gbeeson
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2016
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When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Danielaurence
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Just ordered a 12โ€ wide console table to go by our entryway door.

My daughter says it will be very soothing.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WOTrULookingAt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What do typographers use to soothe their feet after a long day?

Lorem epsom salt

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Asmor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
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The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Onegodoneloveoneway
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2017
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Our newborn wouldnโ€™t stop crying this morning...

My wife is trying to soothe the little fella, not sure whatโ€™s wrong.

Thereโ€™s a short checklist we go through, feed, hot/cold or pooping. He has a bit of trouble when heโ€™s trying to poop.

โ€œWhatโ€™s hurting? What do you want? Is it mouth or butt that you want?โ€

Me from the kitchen:

โ€œHow come I never get this question?โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Order-for-Wiiince
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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A lady's husband died and at the wake, I hugged her and said, "they're there."

"Hear here," she sobbed, asking, "who's there?"
"No," I said soothingly. "Who's on first. They're there."
"Oh." She said, seeing that I pointed to the flowers I had found in the cemetery on the way to the showing. "Thanks for coming by."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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A man is auditioning for a role in an opera production the local opera company is putting on.

He's been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he's come down with a sore throat and can't hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

"I'm sorry," says the director, "but we can't delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I'll let you in on a little opera house secret." The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. "Drink this. It's a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again."

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. "Euch! This is... awful! What's in this tea anyways?"

"Well, it's a secret herbal tea blend made with... well... fish broth." The director replies. "Tuna, specifically. We've found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we've tried."

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. "So... what did you think? Did I get the part or not?" He asks.

"I'm sorry," said the director, "you performed well, but we've decided to give the part to someone else."

"That's OK," the man says, "I'm just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kojo2047
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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What do you listen to when you want to relax?

Soothe jazz of course!

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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