I am working from home and taking care of my kids, looking for someone fun to chat with.
I have many interests, don't give "ok" or "lol" answers, maybe cute to look at, and have plenty of food pics.
Also use timely gifs alot. Let me be your risky click of the day.
Like one of these: 😏
Haven’t wanted to drink in 15 months. Feel constantly out of place in AA. When I came in, had an attitude of “why not give it a try?” Now afraid that if I stop going “I’ll die.” Did the steps. Kinda just hanging around but feeling like AA just gets in the way of living my life, which is pretty awesome (and was before, except for the drinking). Kinda sick of the fear mongering, shame tactics, dogma and “stinkin thinkin” gaslighting. Definitely some good wisdom in the rooms, but feel like at this point it’s more toxic than it is helpful. It doesn't feel super honest to me that AA SAYS they have no monopoly on god/recovery but then make it clear they fully expect you to relapse and die if you dare leave. If anything makes me feel negative stuck or frustrated enough to even begin to think about drinking, it’s AA. But even then, alcohol is never on my mind unless I’m in a meeting and searching for something to share about. Life is good. I don’t drink and life is better for it. Haven’t looked back. My life is much better without alcohol, taking the first drink starts the problem. But I am not sure I am a "real" alcoholic as AA conceives of it.
Also, I had a bit of a revelation last night that even though, yes sometimes i sign onto meetings and hear positivity and bits of wisdom, just as often if not more i hear toxic shit about stinkin thinking, and do i want to be polluting my psyche with that? they say take what works and leave the rest but the more i read about self-talk and whatnot, the more i think that listening to people bitch and whine about how horrible their lives are/were, how they are forever defective, and how being an alcoholic is a terrible disease from which we will never be cured, the more i will absorb that too.
But here I am, still signing onto zoom meetings almost daily, mostly out of habit and this sense of fear/habit that I "must." I struggle with perfectionism and this has just become another thing to check off my list for the day. Not sure how to approach this with my sponsor or break up with her, she really is a kool aid drinker (so even if I were to stay in the program, I think maybe someone else might be a better fit).
Thoughts?
