Not quite a dad joke, more of a dad insult. β€œYou ate too many dumb dumb candies and not enough smarties”

That came from my 11 year old son

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.

He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said β€œKit-Kats are good but these are butter.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If M&M's go to university....

Do they become Smarties.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Stinkin’ boss sacked me from the M & M factory...

Said I was a Smartie for throwing out all the ones that looked like Ws...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My son had a dictionary in his pocket, so I said…

"Look at you, smarty pants!"

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I've heard talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence.

I've told myself that dozens of times.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JephriB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Spin Puns for a web service.

We are working on a new web service where users can "spin up" new instances of a specific technology. Similar to this: http://trydrupal8.com/

We are looking for ideas on funny call to actions on the pages header. We have the following so far:

Spin me up Scotty Spin me up before you go go

I figured I would put this out there to the reddit community to see what we could come up with... :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/direct151
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call an underground train full of clever people?

A tube of smarties

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zephyr3636
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the M&M 's go to college?

Because they wanted to be smarties.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Balizzm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Best Joke Ever

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in. "So?" Smartie says. "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go. After a few beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, hitting him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood. He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?" "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are fucking menthol".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davernr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a Bit of an Airhead... (Dad Joke Courtesy of My Mom)

Whenever I have a lot of school work to do in a short period of time, I like to get a bag of candy to munch on while I work. Today I have a big essay to write, and since my mom was already out I decided to ask her to pick some up for me.

Me: Can you pick up airheads for cramming purposes?

Mom: Wouldn't smarties work better? ;P

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cherrymaelstrom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.