I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
I would love to get paid to sleep.
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
My deaf wife was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out!
What do you call a sleep walking Nun?
A Roamin (Roman) Catholic
I learned I have sleep apnea
What did the man say when he found out the milk man was sleeping with his wife?
There's nothing as peaceful as a child sleeping
Now if only I could figure out who the parents are...
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff
What do cavemen sleep on?
My 2 yo daughter doesn’t like to go to sleep.
Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she “steels” away in various rooms of the house...
You could say she’s “evading a-rest”...
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.
What are CIA agents called when they go to sleep ?
If falling asleep driving a car is sleeping behind the wheel, what do you call falling asleep driving a motorcycle?
THE OTHER DAY I WAS SLEEPING IN CLASS...
so my angry teacher shouted at me:
-Isabel, why are you sleeping in class?
-And I answerd:
-Sorry teacher. I really feel like a bike.
Then the teacher asked:
-What do you mean by that?
-I'm two tired.
My wife told me that she'd slept with 7 people before we met.
I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.
So scientists says that students need to sleep 8 - 10 hours
My kid asked "why do you go to sleep on the toilet so often?"
I said, "I always follow where my legs go".
Why are cops allowed to sleep on the job?
Because they have the right to a rest!
How do you go a whole day without sleeping?
You just sleep at night.
My boss's kid told told him this this morning. lol
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
What do you call a sleeping girlfriend?
Anything you want, she can't hear you!
I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
—
My 9yr old son just told me this 🤪
Why is being a sleep analyst considered one of the toughest jobs in the market?
You work with your eyes closed
What do bears in Turkey say when they see tourists in sleeping bags?
The key to falling asleep quickly is to sleep at the edge of the bed.
"Hey Dad, Go to Sleep!"
No son, I'm resisting-a-rest.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
(hAH)
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
I took a picture of my son sleeping earlier today.
Then I sent the picture to the FBI as evidence of a kid napping.
If I wake up after a long sleep,
Does that make me Captain America?
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
What is the worst part about sleeping like a log
You could end up in the fireplace when you wake up
What did the sleep deprived fremen say to the noisy sand worms?
I am very expert when going to sleep.
I can do with my eyes closed.
Old Jed Clampett (Beverly Hillbillies) got in an accident that left him with a glass eye. It was uncomfortable to sleep in over night so he took it out and hired a servant to watch it.
It was his Jed Eye Master.
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
Sleeping comes so naturally to me.
I could do it with my eyes closed.
When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not like the people screaming in his car
Sleeping Is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
