Shot on iPhone
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived.

I can’t imagine what was going through his mind at the time.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My vaccine dad joke failed

But it was worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/balogny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun.

Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?

Chest nuts roasting in open fire

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petertree
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Will the Coronavirus shot come with a wedge of lime?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nick_vandernick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?

Probably not, they've never had a hit.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dotFuture
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A shot in the dark
πŸ‘︎ 606
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, β€œIf someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dnizzle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.

It's called,Cash in the Addict.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossco1874
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning

It’s completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно ΠΈ я Π΄ΡƒΠΌΠ°ΡŽ, Ρ‡Ρ‚ΠΎ Π²Ρ‹Ρ‚Π°Ρ‰ΠΈΠ» ослиныС ΡƒΡˆΠΈ.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
took a screen shot on youtube when I found this pun
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rose-Fairy-Fun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Took a shot at making this pendant
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Memeoverlord73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.

And later a rhinoceros in the buff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tatticky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot 3 under on 18 holes today but I'm still pretty disappointed.

My performance was really subpar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beaster05
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of pastors were being shot at

Luckily nun of them died

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtensionCover8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.

He dyed on impact.

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?

I said β€œIt’s pasture bedtime”.

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A steak that isn't done properly...

is a misteak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaladinThunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot an oar out of a bow, and missed.

It was an air row

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Runeald_Waslib
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Shots
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creepinonthenet13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A doggo walks into a bar and says ...

I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/razalas1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Florida man shot over 200 times with an upholstery gun...

...Doctors say he's now fully recovered

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Warlach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die

This fact is just mind-blowing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said β€œthat gave me a heart attack!”

I told him β€œactually that was a stroke”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongdan69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Needles-s to say, a pun that's worth a shot

I hate to say it but I'm not a huge fan of donating blood. I guess its cuz needles really get under my skin. But at least its not all in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cooliojulio7997
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not a dad but here’s my best shot.

What does a depressed cowboy say?

Yee-nah

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BulbaFriend2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Han shot first
πŸ‘︎ 639
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CC_Dormouse
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What would happen if you got shot by a screwdriver?

You’d be screwed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Collapse
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot my first turkey today...

Scared the heck out of everyone else in the frozen food section.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear some of them even shot themselves.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dilipkk2009
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Its worth a shot!
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Great-Excuse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If this new covid vaccine works...

...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
This "shot glass"
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redstoneDaniel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die

This fact is just mind-blowing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot a bear in my underwear this morning.

What he was doing in my underwear, I'll never know

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blechniven
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got shot with an upholstery gun 200 times?

They said he's fully recovered.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/33arig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.