Fight Club is a severely overlooked movie.

Nobody seems to talk about it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 100
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2021
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I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jvlpdillon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
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Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter

Then again, I get where he’s coming from.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Musikcookie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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I'm in intimate relationships with several Spanish women.

I put the "amor" in "polyamory".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.

He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 217
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2021
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I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..

Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sanehussain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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I bought a container of protein powder, but then had to spend several seconds with my fingers knuckle-deep in the powder itself, trying to fish out the little plastic scoop that’s included.

Man I’m glad that’s out of the whey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2021
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After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…

because she’s really good at standing guys up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/19triguy82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2021
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Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.

Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2021
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A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"

I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2021
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When I lived in Washington, DC, I formed a rock band with a friend who lived with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder.

OC/DC, we called ourselves.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dontcryformegiratina
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 30 2021
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If two vegetarians have severe disagreement...

Is it still considered a "beef"?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VAOkie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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Jack was greeted by several people this morning.

He got hijacked.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
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I know several jokes in sign language

I guarantee you,no one has ever heard them before.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/confused-avocado72
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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Two men were caught in a severe storm

John saw a tornado out the window of Frank’s house and said to Frank

β€œJesus man! that’s an F5! We gotta get to cover Frank!”

Tornado rapidly approaches within 100 yards

John was looking for the cellar door and found 2 different ones

β€œFor Fuck’s sake Frank which is the best cellar!?”

With the tornado bearing down on them, Frank sprang into action and grabbed the latest James Patterson novel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dudemansick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.

Man! That came out of nowhere!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 157
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/amar610
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 536
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/flash17k
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
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Severed Human Nose Found

I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/headtattoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
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Recently I’ve had to remove several of my posts.

Someone took a fence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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There are several reasons that a brain fetish is weird.

First one that comes to mind....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/potatoeoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
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Apparently there is a severe shortage of doulas around the world...

It's a real mid-wife crisis!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"

He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I wanted...to impress you, but...it turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 243
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2020
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Police raised an alert in error, thinking they’d discovered a recently severed appendage.

But it was a fossil arm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/carriager
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
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Justice severed OR Someone took his justice in their own hands CAN'T DECIDE...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uninuninsignificant
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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What do you call several gourds related to each other?

Pump kin

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away...

I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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Hey everyone, thanks for keeping this community awesome, but due to several reasons, I've decided to stop making dad jokes, here's why

Why

πŸ‘οΈŽ 391
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vinayjrao
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2020
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Having severe throat pain

Must be because Ice-cream a lot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wassup369
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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I used to have a severe addiction to soap

I'm clean now

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brosthetic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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How do you call an ant with several heads?

A hydrant.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Reysomni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
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I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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What do you call several barbie dolls waiting in line?

BBQ

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Chromosoma
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
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I had to fill in several post holes yesterday.

I didn’t want them to make offense.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WickedYetiOfTheWest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
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My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.

Cannot believe Gaviscon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/schwifty98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
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I learnt about the symptoms of sever athletes foot

It’s quite a peeling

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
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I just got sent a severed penis in a box with no address

Guess it was an anonymous tip

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PinkGamerGirlx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2020
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My wife and I were recently hospitalized for very severe, persistent headaches. After a few hours of testing and waiting

I informed my wife that we had ourgrains

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/linknt01
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, β€œhuh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.

I was just expecting a shingle pallet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2020
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In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Stadiums across the country are experiencing severe overheating

Experts say its the lack of fans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Loosebutt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2020
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No one told me you'd get an allergic reaction if you stood in between Anna Kendrick and Phil Collins

I didn't expect the Anna-Phil-Axis to be so severe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/isa5589
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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I know several jokes in sign language...

I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I know several jokes in sign language

I guarantee no one has ever heard them before

πŸ‘οΈŽ 539
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarlTHEELlama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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I know several jokes in sign language.

I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
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My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation.

That came out of nowhere.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 111
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
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