Serial Monogamy Puns

I’m (F26) my moms only child and I have never had the sustainable household that so many people know. I’ve never known the nuclear family life.

She and my dad were coworkers at a factory that hooked up and made me by total accident. They tried to work it out but didn’t even make it a year together after I was born.

Since then, my mom has been a revolving door men after men and I can’t take it. She’s dated some pieces of shit briefly and a few longer term guys that I genuinely liked.

She’s been married 4 or 5 times in my life. I can name 16 guys she’s been with on the top of my head just while I’ve been alive. She was with my (now former) step dad for 6 years or so before they split up.

She recently got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy that I genuinely think is an awesome man. He’s sweet, nice, very respectful, honest, easy to talk to, and has dropped everything to help me several times. They were engaged and lived together. They had arguments relating to his kids and the size of (her) house and other such shit. She called me telling me she was going to break with him, ask him to move, all that stuff. I got a text from him not long after wishing me well, apologizing, informing me he would be moving out of her house, and I thanked him for everything and wished him the best.

He only just moved out into his own place and my mom is already seeing someone new I haven’t met yet. It bothers me. I live an hour and a half away from her but it still bothers me. My mom doesn’t compromise well in her relationships and can’t seem to handle being alone very long, despite telling me probably 40 times after this recent breakup, “ohh IF I ever date again…” or “I’m not gonna date for a long while because I’m happy to have my own space again.” Stuff like that.

I hate it because I know it’s another temporary fucking guy I have to pretend to give a fuck about who will undoubtably be brought to my place uninvited by my mom when she visits. I hate it because I know my mom hasn’t actually taken the time to properly heal from a whole ass 5 year relationship with a man that lived with her. I hate it because, in my mind, he’s just going to be another name in the list of 16+ men she’s been with.

I hate it because as a child there was no way for me to screen these fucking men when they came in. Sometimes they would be seemingly normal until I had to be left alone with them and they became weird and creepy. Sometimes they’d steal from me or my mom. Sometimes worse. Now

I read a lot of post on here today. There are some legitimate questions concerns.

But dating is not a temporary monogamous relationship where you get laid until your next temporary monogamous relationship. Dating is not having one boyfriend or one girlfriend and being sad they are gone and you want some one to replace them.

Dating is talking to some one to get to know them and going out with them more than once. That is all there is to it.

Dating does not need to involve sex. Dating does not mean seeing one person. There is no reason you shouldn’t date 3 guys or, 3 girls or, 2 girls and 1 guy what ever your sexual preference (personal experience more than three is to many)

There is no reason to limit how many people you see or talk to until you find some one to Mary and have kids with.

Ladies fine to have sex while dating but it’s not a requirement but know every guy you date is trying to sleep with you.

Guys it’s fine to sleep with the girls you date but wear a condom don’t give girl A girl Bs STI.

Every one should be honest about seeing other people. They should be honest about how they feel.

If some one confesses there love to you or proposes and your not ready just tell them your not ready.

Dating apps - they work like social media so guys invest in photos that will interest the girls. Look interesting dress well and have good hygiene when you meet them.

Girls dating apps guys are thirsty most are probably masturbating to your pic as they swipe. Most probably are not interested.

It doesn’t matter how pretty your snap chat filter makes you. If you show up and your 30 lbs over weight have 3 kids by 3 different baby daddies no career potential and no assets you have no chance.

I’ve been in a cycle of serious relationships, one after another, for the past ten years. I’m working on staying single for the next few months at the very least—my goals are a single birthday and a single Christmas. Would love to hear others’ experiences with this aspect of codependency if it shows up for you, how you’ve healed or begun to feel safer in your own company, etc <3

Some thoughts I've had recently:

• Are rebound relationships destined to fail? Are they somehow intrinsically unhealthy or immoral? I've felt that by being in a relationship constantly, someone 1) doesn't learn to be alone with themselves and 2) may be disrespecting the relationship that just ended (and the new one).
• What's the difference in the approach to a relationship by a serial monogamist vs a usually-single person? To me, it seems that a serial monogamist might have a stronger need to be a relationship and yet the significant other may be "less significant" in the sense that only the fact of a relationship matters, not the person it's being shared with. I'm just guessing here -- I'm a usually-single person, and the opposite is true for me.
• Per the above, can a serial monogamist and a usually-single person be compatible?
• What happens if someone undergoes a series of rebounds with very little single time in between? What's the effect on themselves and on the person they're dating?
• If recently out of a relationship, is it "better" to spend time alone first? And why?

Honestly, can't say I've had much relationship experience so I'm interested to hear your stories and thoughts!

it seems like the normal state of human existence to me.

I think they might be linked in my life. A new woman keeps depression away for a bit. Then the newness wears off and the depression returns. Then the relationship ends, maybe because of the need to find that next "fix"? Is this a thing?

NPI 29 Cod 7 OCD 6

I am wondering if why I am constantly going from a long-term relationship to the other, is it because of a narcissistic boredom and need of a new supply attention?

Is serial monogamy unrelated to narcissism?

I don't feel that abusive once in the relationship, but in the last phase I just totally switch my desire, attention towards the new person. And I start love bombing first, losing interest first then as well.

Is it because of narcissism or is this another aspect on top? Not every narcissist is serial in realatioships, right?

Thank you

These two definitions get thrown into the same bucket, however i consider them apples and oranges.

These are two very different approaches to relationships and should be treated as such. Just because the word “monogamy” is in there doesn’t mean they are similar in any aspect.

One is looking for a life partner.

One goes from relationship to relationship.

The traditional monogamist sticks around, doesn’t knee jerk just move on when things get tough. Views monogamy as freedom.

The serial monogamist flakes out, leaves when things get tough or boring, and generally has less perseverance and commitment. Doesn’t view monogamy necessarily as freedom and can tend to feel trapped.

First acknowledgements. FDS started the research that got me to give up porn. I was horrified when I learned what it is actually doing to women. Its also improved my sex life. I reccomend FDS to all my younger friends. Put out a book and I'll gift it. Thanks.

Now the question. I've grown into a close facsimile of what you define as a HVM. I wasn't always. In my past I have two forever girlfriends. One eight year relationship and one ten year relationship. If it wasn't for their efforts I wouldn't have become what I am today. I wasn't able to appreciate how much basic mentoring they provided. Things that should have never been a part of a LTR.

It took a lot of therapy and self work to realize this stuff. I reap the benefits of their unsung labor daily. I'm not close with either of my previous partners. Otherwise than being HV in my current relationship, what can be done?

I hesitate to add too much background, but suffice it to say since I started dating I've never been single for more than a couple of months. Recently I ended a very serious relationship (she moved out of the apartment we shared and left the cat we adopted together) with the intention of taking some time to get to know myself, but of course shortly afterward, a beautiful woman confessed feelings for me.

I told her I'd prefer not to date til January, to give myself some time to detox and properly digest the breakup, and reassess what I want in a partnership. In particular I'm feeling like I ruin all my romantic relationships subconsciously when it begins to feel stale, and I'm terrified to demean another good friend by behaving that way. However, I had some friends including her over on Friday night and we kissed. Since (and slightly before, like a few days ago) then it's seeming impossible to get her out of my head and I'm feeling like my plan to be single and think things through may be foiled. I feel like no matter what I do I'm already in a relationship with her and I'm powerless to stop the cycle I'm in. I do really like her, she's a great friend, highly intelligent, fascinating, gorgeous. But I don't know if I like her because she's objectively great or just because of her timing. I'm not sure how to figure it out, either.

Hello all,

I suppose I should open with the long time lurker, first time poster thing and a bit of background.

Late twenties, survivor of childhood sexual abuse, raised by a narcissistic father which has informed a lot about how I relate to men, people, the world. I was a very precocious child because of how my father socialised my siblings and I and of course because of the abuse. I disclosed in my teens, had a breakdown and moved away. What followed was years of gaslighting and denial which split my family apart and ostracised me from 95% of them.

I enter into inappropriate relationship after inappropriate relationship. Always with someone abusive and controlling and definitely not my age generally. Serial monogamy from 14 to now with horrible men. I almost married one of them. He was fucking awful and left me homeless at 24 during winter. I'm single for the first time in almost 10 years and I begin doing things I enjoy, one being live music. I meet this wonderful guy 3 weeks after my breakup with my ex of 6 years. It's been 4 years now. He is the first appropriate man I've ever been with, he's my best friend and truly the kindest person in the universe to me.

However, I've started seeking out a man I know is terrible for me. Like, way too old and opportunistic. But, I'm drawn to him in a way I cant explain. So, I went to therapy after conducting this clandestine relationship with this older man. I needed to understand why I'm going after this obviously terrible person, why do I have no impulse control, why do I feel safe but also in danger with this person and why do I seek that out?

I guess what I'm trying to understand is why I seemingly want these shameful feelings, these secretive encounters with terrible people? Will I ever be able to feel wholly loved and fulfilled or should I be alone and save myself and others the pain?

I went to therapy for a few months but can't afford it right not. I'm saving so I'll be going back as I feel bereft, disgusting and overwhelmed by cyclical, obsessive thoughts of shame, fear and suicide.

Thank you for reading this mess of a post.

I’m in the “any relationship is possible” camp, so long as each party in the relationship is consenting, open and honest about their expectations, or lack thereof, both with themselves and others, willing to demonstrate humility, accept, learn, and grow from their mistakes, willing to accept that others’ environments have made them into what they are, and that change is difficult, but not impossible, and predisposed to taking accountability for themselves and their individual needs inside and outside of the relationship.

What this means is: any person who is dishonest, delusional, naive, brash, mindless, non-empathetic, has bad listening skills, lacks productive communication skills (like providing open-ended, non-defensive questions, applying critical thinking to determine why your partner could do something that you don’t understand, win-win focused negotiation skills, etc.) lacks the ability or cause to take action, and does not account for their own autonomy, and also, any person who is forced into a relationship they don’t want to be in, will not be able to build a strong relationship, or series of relationships.

I can site two reasons for thinking this.

A.) We've been together for about a year. She told me about polyamory early on, and it scared the shit out of me but I decided to learn more. I read all the books recommended to me here about it, and learned to accept it. I loved the openness and trust it brought to the relationship. Up until about a month ago however, we've essentially been monogamous. We stopped having sex or being intimate after we moved in together about 6 months ago, because she has issues being with people she trusts. It hurt me and meant one of my needs isn't being met, but I stayed anyway. She recently started seeing/sleeping with another guy (an old ex of hers) and has been very distant from me and requesting more space.

I think in a true poly relationship, if I were to say to her "hey, I'm feeling lonely, left out, and jealous. Please help me." (which I did), it would be her turn to say, ideally, "of course. What would help you? Maybe we can't actually have sex because of my issues, but let's try and find something that would make it better for you. Maybe a handjob? Maybe we could masturbate together? Or shower together? Or just cuddle on the couch? I don't really care for any of those things, but I know you do and I care about your needs and your feelings, so let's go for it." Instead, I basically got "well, that's just how this works. Maybe date other girls?"

B) She told me straight out: "If I have two relationships, A and B. A gives me 70% happiness and 30% work, and B gives me 75% happiness and 25% work, than of course I'm going with B. I want the most happiness for the littlest effort." In this case, work of course means giving things she doesn't want in her relationship. Obviously, new relationships are always going to have more happiness and less work, because they are new. NRE makes that a thing. So she just constantly goes after new relationships while abandoning the old ones. Doesn't it sound like serial monogamy?

Idk, but it's just something I got to thinking about-- personally I've had three separate relationships in only like 2 and a half years, without that much downtime between each one. Finding myself just out of my most recent relationship, it already feels impossible for me to be happy and single and unsurprisingly there's already potential for something to start with this new guy in my life. I'm highly aware of the fact that I tend to latch on to people quickly, but I can't help but wonder how much of an issue that really is, if any, and if maybe it's an ENFP thing?? I don't know. Anybody relate?

Serial Monogamy and Lifelong Monogamy are terms people use to try and distinguish between "types" of monogamy. When not used as a red herring in arguments against how people aren't "really" monogamous, they are really only useful as a description after the fact:

1. It makes no sense to say "I want to be in a serially monogamous relationship with you." You are either monogamous or you aren't. When it ends is another matter

2. Lifelong monogamy is incidental. Many people intend to stay together but by either death, accident, or disagreement, end up not staying together. Breaking up (or divorcing) does not automatically mean monogamy was at fault. The point is intent to have one partner at a time. Again, when and if it ends is another matter.

You can only describe a monogamous realtionship as serial or lifelong after the couple has either broken up ore died. Some people are prone to behavior that can be described as serial monogamy, but it's dishonest to lump everyone who has had more than one relationship into that category.This only serves to muddy the waters by implying that anyone who's had a failed realtionship is de-facto not "truly" monogamous simply by virtue of the fact that their relationship didn't work out. This is absurd, and downplays the intent of people who have been been unsuccessful in finding lasting companionship. Some people have relationships that ended through no failure of their fidelity.

And the intent is what matters as far as what should define monogamy: To have one partner at a time. This is the commonality between "serial" and "lifelong" monogamy. Most of us are searching for someone that we will eventually stay with. It's a process, not a relationship type. Most of us will have to give it a go a few times before we find someone that we remain with.

The thing that irks me is how the "monogamy is not natural" crowd tries to shoehorn in a semantic argument based on serial vs lifelong monogamy. It goes something like this:

"Monogamy is unrealistic. Hardly anyone stays together for life.

See what they did there? They purposefully conflate being monogamous with staying together for life. This is one of they ways they prop up the divorce rate argument.

"The divorce rate is X% which proves monogamy is unrealistic"

Actually, no it doesn't. It only proves those marriages were faulty, not that monogamy was in the problem in those marriages. If you can't see eye to eye with your spouse or significant other, that's not a prob

Hey there reddit. I hope this doesn't get too long but I need to articulate this and have a few objective opinions to reflect on. Ever since the 9th grade I've sort of rotated from one fairly serious relationship to the next. I've had 4 relationships of the sort in the past 5 years with typically only a month or few in between them. I never really intended it and don't think I have dependency issues or anything because I'm normally fine in the periods that I am alone, it's just that when I was in high school and constantly surrounded by people my age it was just very easy to find someone that I got on well with.

In the first week of October I had a breakup with a guy I'd been on and off with (due to me moving for college a year before him and also some light but forgivable "cheating" by him while he vacationed in another country) for a total of about 15 months. At the time I considered him the best boyfriend that I'd had and got along with him great but he did put me down sometimes and often got into some dangerous and illegal stuff that was a bit too stressful for me to feel like putting up with anymore. The last 3 months of our relationship were pretty stale emotionally due to differences in maturity and it was more of an amicable fizzle-out than a big dramatic breakup. Some of my friends are worried that I'm in a rebound phase but honestly the way things were at the tail end of my last relationship I think I'm just fine.

A couple weeks after the breakup I was bored on a double shift at work and decided to download Tinder because flipping through profiles tends to make me laugh a lot. I wasn't looking for anything really but my friends had been giving me crap about being a "serial monogamist" because I've never really hooked up with anyone just for fun as I really require a substantial mental connection to feel attracted to somebody. After about a day of shits and giggles I came across this guy I'll call Elliot who had "super liked" me (I know it sounds dumb but it's a feature on the app meant to grab someone's attention). I liked his description and we had a friend in common (not to mention...he's so cute...) so I liked him back and we matched. Our first conversation was really interesting and we exchanged numbers. We texted almost nonstop for two weeks straight. Every time we spoke we liked each other more and more and we're just on the same mental level in so many ways. We have a hilarious amount of things in common. I'm completely smitten. It turne

Well, here comes a bunch of whining that I'm not accustomed to doing. I've been a serial monogamist since I was 16 years old. Through the end of high school and all of college, I was basically always in a relationship, with a short breaks in between desperately finding new ones.

I started professional school in August, broke up with my then-girlfriend, and started dating a new girl from my school within 2 months. We were together for 2 years when things started to go south, and of course during our "break" I found a new person to be in a relationship with.

Fast forward 4 months and this new relationship is over, she broke up with me because of how busy I am with school. Oh, I'll just go find a new one... but due to the way my school curriculum is structured, I'm stuck in the middle of a very rural area. I'm without prospects, and I have to move every 6 weeks. This means that I am completely alone with my own thoughts, not currently talking to any girls, with no friends in sight, for the first time in 8 years.

Now, I. am. mentally. FUCKED. The weight of all the breakups, my own personal failures and faults, everything has come crashing down. 8 years worth of unresolved self-reflection all being done at once. I am learning to cope with it, slowly, but damn if it doesn't fucking hurt.

I guess the main point I had in writing this is as a warning to people. Be very careful in jumping into relationships to ease the pain of breakups. Not only will it lead to bad relationships, but it will also lead to an inability to grow as a person. And when the prospects dry up, you'll be left a broken shell.

Serial monogamy, these words describe my sexual strategy perfectly.

I have looked at what women do, instead of listening what they say but whilst doing that I started to get amazed by what I saw. It's just so damn effective.

No 10/10 accepts being a plate, nearly no 10 does one night stands, you may say that's wrong, then congratulations, your game is better than mine or your standards are lower. Anyways, for me it works. The SMP is crowded with men who want to pump n dump, men who want relationships are rare. Supply & Demand. Let's cash in on this situation! The women who want relationships are thirsty, only the hottest girls have enough bargaining power to secure a high value men, it's hard competing with the open market. Most men opt out of the relationship market to enjoy their freedom. The ONS market is over saturated with men and under saturated with women. In the LTR market this changes, our bargaining power rises, the table is tilted in our direction and we can easily secure otherwise unreachable women.

Bonuses: Hot girls, no concurrence, LTR game training, sex toys, love, connection and it's a good filter in case you want something longer, honeymoon phase is the better than the rest

A reputation of being a player is counterproductive for these girls, but a rep of having long relationships is positive. It's fairly easy to turn sex into a relationship but if these girls truly don't do one night stands then you need social circle game, that is a filter too, anyways you can build rapport with them and further punch out of your league. Once you managed this, and people see the women you can pull, preselection will sky rocket. Then you can easily branch swing and punch even higher.

SMV is a large part of RMV, throw in a bunch of beta qualities (not the omega/doormat stuff), things like being able to repair stuff, creating value, compassion, kindness... and you are a good catch.

Alpha/exciting traits triggers tingles/dopamine release, beta/comforting traits triggers love/oxytocin release.

Relevant: http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/02/12/hookinguprealities/the-most-attractive-women-have-the-least-casual-sex/

It's starting to be something that's annoying, I feel like I'm losing emotions on empathy after breaks ups

My sister has had 2 partners her entire life and can't understand why I've had so many boyfriends. I'm basically never single, I go quickly from one relationship to the next. In the process of thinking through my recent diagnosis, I think I've just realised why...

I don't understand friendships. Don't have many friends. But I can understand what it takes to start and be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So I need to be with someone because it's my main source of support/companionship/connection/physical touch etc.

I'm starting to feel embarrassed that I've had so many relationships. Does anyone else feel the same?

I've been wondering about this for awhile now because often I hear that people who enjoy being in a couple more than being single have some kind of self esteem problems or fear of being alone and personally that doesn't fit for me.

I prefer to be in a committed relationship rather than be single but I have no problem being single as well. I don't whine ad nauseam about being single and how much it sucks to my friends. The last time I can remember bringing it up when I was sick a month back and made the comment to my friend, I wish I had a girlfriend to take care of me. My self esteem is generally fine, I like most people have my own set of insecurities but they don't hinder my life in any significant way and I don't fear being alone because on the whole I am a somewhat introverted person, I am able to go out to a bar and have a good time with friends but I would be just as happy sitting at home reading a book.

For that reason when I do have a relationship it tends to be on the longer side, 3 months at the shortest and 3 years at the longest since I was 16 or so with a few months to a year between relationships. I would say the longest I've been single at anytime being about a year and a half and right now going on two years. I just prefer the feeling of a long term relationship over casual dating or being single.

Any others like that or who feel it is generally a bad thing to jump from long term relationship to long term relationship with a short time in between?

TL;DR Is serial monogamy bad?

This gem was uttered by a dear friend and lover's husband the other day. Thought you all would enjoy it :)

I've discovered that I am serially monogamous. There have been plenty of partners, but always one at a time.

Even when in a FWB situation, there was only one at a time.

Is this you? Do you believe that it's most people? What percentage would you assign to the prevalence of the practice?

I'm the guy who's always in a relationship. One ends, one begins. Long relationships too. Shortest relationship is 3 years. It's not like I've gone out of my way each time to find someone new, it's more like a relationship falls in my lap.

This time around, I'm making an effort to 'take things slowly' emotionally. Keep things light and fluffy. I'm seeing a girl exclusively, we both dig each other. We both want to take things slow. Let me stress, I want to take things slow emotionally. I don't want to be dropping L bombs one month from now.

Here is the problem, I don't really know what 'taking it slow' entails. All I know is how to be a boyfriend. Tips? Things to avoid?

Thanks

tl;dr: How does one take things slow in a new relationship?

I recently separated from my boyfriend of 4 years. Before that, I was with someone for 2 years, and with both these dudes, we were friends before dating.

Now the last thing I want is to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure how to casually date or fuck. I don't even really know what casual dating is. Is it just hanging out, without considering any future relationship? No issue with that, I've just never been in a relationship without thinking about the future at all.

There's this dude at the gym who I went to school with from elementary through high school. He is a really friendly guy, and so hot. We've been talking when we see each other at the gym, but I'm not sure how to hit on him. Should I ask him to come over for a drink? Or out? Or over to meet my kitten (literal kitten)? Over for a movie??????

Other than that I just have some questions and anxieties.

• Is meaningless sex emotionally painful the first time?

• Do people have oral sex with casual partners? Are condoms needed for that?

• Am I supposed to ask someone if they have STIs even if we're wearing a condom? How do I do so politely?

I feel really silly for asking these questions, and would love advice from you guys! Thanks!

TL;DR: Ignorant about casual sex, please help.

I made a move to a new city three years ago, and met someone almost immediately. We became serious too quickly and - skip to the end - a year later there was an ugly breakup after a month of living together.

Well, almost immediately I was asked out by someone else. Different from my ex in all the ways that I craved. After a couple of months though I realized that was all that I saw in him, a true rebound. I ended it and intended to give myself time to process and learn.

A month later I met someone new at a party. As much as I told myself I wanted to take things slow, all of that went out the window. I told myself this guy was once in a lifetime, and it wasn't long until we began to date seriously.

Two months ago I broke up with him. Now was the time I was going to spend working on myself. I doubled down on the gym, picked up a couple of new hobbies, started doing a lot of new things I always wanted to in this city. I focused on strengthening my friendships and making new friends, catching up on reading, making plans for a vacation etc.

I did all this with the intention of not getting into another relationship for a long time. But two days after I ended my last relationship, Charlie asked me out. We've been seeing each other regularly ever since, a few times a week. I'm moving slower than I have in the past - there are no labels, no commitment to monogamy, and I've been upfront with him about my desire to take things slow and focus on myself for a while.

But I'm falling for him, and I want to be exclusive with him.

My question is am I fooling myself? I have been doing all of the things I wanted to do to to reflect and grow while at the same time dating Charlie. He has so much to offer, and while I want to go for it, my brain and my friends caution me about this seeming pattern I'm in. I also don't want to pass on an amazing guy just because the timing isn't perfect. Thoughts?

tl;dr: Four relationships in three years, am I fooling myself into thinking they are all different or is this a pattern that I need to worry about?

Well, here comes a bunch of whining that I'm not accustomed to doing. I've been a serial monogamist since I was 16 years old. Through the end of high school and all of college, I was basically always in a relationship, with a short breaks in between desperately finding new ones.

I started professional school in August, broke up with my then-girlfriend, and started dating a new girl from my school within 2 months. We were together for 2 years when things started to go south, and of course during our "break" I found a new person to be in a relationship with.

Fast forward 4 months and this new relationship is over, she broke up with me because of how busy I am with school. Oh, I'll just go find a new one... but due to the way my school curriculum is structured, I'm stuck in the middle of a very rural area. I'm without prospects, and I have to move every 6 weeks. This means that I am completely alone with my own thoughts, not currently talking to any girls, with no friends in sight, for the first time in 8 years.

Now, I. am. mentally. FUCKED. The weight of all the breakups, my own personal failures and faults, everything has come crashing down. 8 years worth of unresolved self-reflection all being done at once. I am learning to cope with it, slowly, but damn if it doesn't fucking hurt.

I guess the main point I had in writing this is as a warning to people. Be very careful in jumping into relationships to ease the pain of breakups. Not only will it lead to bad relationships, but it will also lead to an inability to grow as a person. And when the prospects dry up, you'll be left a broken shell.