Schaghticoke Tribe Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Special note: I wrote this about five years ago, and am about to write a second draft, so any feedback is greatly appreciated. (reddit gives this horrible formatting, you can read the original here: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3267017/1/The-Brother-Kurtzman ) The Brothers Kurtzman The Brothers Kurtzman were a strange pair; they were a decade apart in birth, and equally distant in interests and temperament. Michael, the older, was a studious sort who spent his youth among dusty books and lecture halls. His ad hoc guardianship of his brother-due to their parents unending stay in Europe—didn't delay his studies at all, and by the age of 25 he was close to achieving a doctorate in Archaeological Studies from Yale. Compared to his brother's serious, cerebral style, Ryan couldn't be more different. The only class he ever excelled in was P.E., and he spent his free hours day-dreaming and carousing with his friends instead of studying. Michael, on the other hand, spent most of his free time taking long hikes in the Connecticut wilderness. It was during one of these hikes in the swamplands when he came across a length of cobblestone street. He was, naturally, thrilled to have made his first discovery as an archeologist; it did, however, bother him that this discovery had come not as a result of many hours of painstaking research, but rather as a case of blind luck. He overcame these reservations though the age old art of self-deception: it wasn't chance that he had run across these ruins, he had subconsciously picked up on cues in the environment and used his training to find the site. By these small lies he was able to justify all the money his parents had spent on his education. Michael went to the Historical Society in Hartford the next day and spent hours poring over old maps of the state. In none of them was he able to find any town or village near the place where he had found the cobblestones. Michael's bushy-bearded dissertation advisor, Doctor Gaines, didn't share his enthusiasm. It could be a carriage house, or the remnants of a farm. Gaines knew the area he was talking about. It was a nature reserve, so they could never get permission to excavate; it was best just to forget it. Nick Wood, one of Michael's classmates, didn't agree. Nick was a fortysomething eternal student who had more degrees than a thermometer, and a private fortune resulting from the Eighteenth Amendment and low inheritance taxes; he urged Michael to take matters into his own hands.

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

I created some Native American inspired name bases for FMG. I got pretty much all of my examples from Wikipedia, and grouped them based on region. I hope they'll be useful to someone, the text for cut and paste is below if anyone wants to use them:

Northeast Tribes|5|14|nasptlocer|0| Abenaki,Kennebec,Caniba,Abenaki,Anishinaabeg,Anishinape,Anicinape,Neshnabé,Nishnaabe,Algonquin,Nipissing,Ojibwe,Chippewa,Ojibwa,Mississaugas,Saulteaux,Odawa,Potawatomi,Assateague,Attawandaron,Beothuk,Chowanoke,Choptank,Housatonic,Illiniwek,Cahokia,Kaskaskia,Miami,Cayuga,Mohawk,Oneida,Onondaga,Seneca,Mingo,Tuscarora,Kickapoo,Laurentian,Lenni Lenape,Delaware,Canarsie,Canarsee,Esopus,Hackensack,Haverstraw,Rumachenanck,Kitchawank,Kichtawanks,Kichtawank,Minisink,Navasink,Raritan,Sinsink,Sintsink,Siwanoy,Tappan,Waoranecks,Wappinger,Wecquaesgeek,Nochpeem,Warranawankongs,Wiechquaeskeck,Acquackanonk,Okehocking,Unalachtigo,Mahican,Manahoac,Mascouten,Massachusett,Ponkapoag,Meherrin,Menominee,Meskwaki,Mi'kmaq,Micmac,Mitchigamea,Moingona,Peoria,Wea,Montaukett,Montauk,Monyton,Monetons,Monekot,Moheton,Siouan,Accohannock,Narragansett,Niantic,Nipmuc,Nipmuck,Nottaway,Occaneechi,Occaneechee,Pamplico,Passamaquoddy,Patuxent,Paugussett,Potatuck,Penobscot,Pequot,Petun,Tionontate,Piscataway,Pocumtuc,Podunk,Powhatan,Appomattoc,Arrohateck,Chesapeake,Chesepian,Chickahominy,Kiskiack,Mattaponi,Nansemond,Pamunkey,Paspahegh,Powhatan,Quinnipiac,Rappahannock,Sauk,Sac,Schaghticoke,Secotan,Croatoan,Dasamongueponke,Roanoke,Shawnee,Shinnecock,Stegarake,Stuckanox,Stukanox,Susquehannock,Tauxenent,Doeg,Tunxis,Tuscarora,Tutelo,Nahyssan,Unquachog,Poospatuck,Wabanaki,Wampanoag,Nauset,Patuxet,Pokanoket,Wangunk,Wicocomico,Wolastoqiyik,Maliseet,Wyachtonok,Wyandot,Huron,Ontario,Oklahoma,Kansas,Michigan,Wendake,Quebec

Southeast Tribes|6|12|eocsgs|0| Acolapissa,Colapissa,Ais,Alafay,Alafia,Pojoy,Pohoy,Amacano,Apalachee,Atakapa,Attacapa,Akokisa,Bidai,Deadose,Atakapa,Orcoquiza,Patiri,Tlacopsel,Avoyel,Bayogoula,Biloxi,Adai,Cahinnio,Doustioni,Hais,Hainai,Hasinai,Kadohadacho,Nabedache,Nabiti,Nacogdoche,Nacono,Nadaco,Nanatsoho,Nasoni,Natchitoches,Neche,Nechaui,Ouachita,Tula,Yatasi,Calusa,Catawba,Esaw,Usheree,Yssa,Chacato,Chakchiuma,Chatot,Chacato,Chactoo,Chawasha,Washa,Cheraw,Chara,Charàh,Cherokee,Chickanee,Chiquini,Chickasaw,Chicora,Chine,Chisca,Cisca,Chitimacha,Choctaw,Chowanoc,Chowanoke,Coharie,Congaree,Canggaree,Coree,Coharie,Croatan,Eno,Etiwan,Grigra,Guacata,Guacozo,Guale,Guazoco,Houma,Jaega,Jaupin,Weapemoc,Jororo,Keyauwee,

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.