In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
6 strands of Kurt Cobain’s hair sold at auction in the last month for $14,000. You’d think it would have a very musty odor.
But really, it just smells like teen spirit.
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s
It was a ridiculously long name
Why’d the fish swim right into the bull shark’s mouth?
What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?
I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
My friend told me, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”
It was a third degree burn.
A lad asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled L.S.D.?"
Granny replied, "Never mind the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed “angle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.
I guess I’m just too square to try angle.
(School related) I have 3 D’s...
I guess you can call me multi dimensional!
(I came up with this after a, not so good midterm...)
I’d tell you a Fibonacci joke, but’s it’s probably as bad as the last two you’ve heard combined
I asked a tree if it’d tell me what it’s made of. It replied:
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
The S/O let me know we’d made 4 cents in our mutual account...
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before?
/r/ShouldIbuythisgame/com…
I’d say it’s just over a foot
It’s only a dad joke if it’s from the D’Adjoque region of France. Otherwise it’s just a bad pun.
Son: Dad, what’s your favorite rock group? Dad: If I’m being subjective, I’d say The Who.
But if I’m being objective, I’d say The Whom.
You don't often see "turtles" spelled T-U-R-D-l-e-s
because they're an endangered feces
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
Why are there two d’s in Reddit?
This decade was pretty stressful for me. I'd say it was rather 10's.
My wife told me if she ever had Alzheimer’s she’d commit suicide to save me the burden.
I told her that’s the sixth time she’s said that today.
Why does “Reddit” have 2 ‘d’s?
My friend 3D printed the letters S A T U R D A Y and S U N D A Y, and then threw those at me with maximum force.
I couldn't get up. I was completely weekend by it.
Wife’s grandma asks, “So, how’d you sleep?”
Me, “With my eyes closed!”
Grams, “It’s too early in the morning to do this”
D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?
D: The dawn of a new age.
Before we were married, my wife said she’d go out with me if I knew a six letter word that’s a synonym for “calm”...
Welcome to D.A.D.D.D.S.
> Welcome to D.A.D.D.D.S. Dads Against Dads Doing Dumb Shit. Repeat after me.
[whole room] > "AFTER ME"
>Ok fellas, lets start here
So I went to the doctor the other day and told him, “Lately I’d been feeling like a tepee and a wigwam. What’s wrong with me?”
He replied, “You’re two tents.”
A teacher’s students all did below average on a test it was so D-grading
Whatever you do, don't take a, s, r, d and add them to i, r, s, t, and e, and then stir...
That's a recipe for disaster.
Chandler from F • R • I • E • N • D • S is full of 'em
Frankie the Tailor: How long do you want the cuffs?
Chandler: Ah, as long as I have the pants I guess.
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
