The interviewer wants to ask the interviewee a final question before deciding on whether to hire him or not. “why is there a 4 year gap on your resume?” She asks. The interviewee replies “Oh yes, I was in Yale”. Happy with the response, the interviewer says “you’re hired”. The interviewee thanks her and calls his wife immediately and says “Honey! I got the yob!!!”
They were the Eye-Patchy pirates...
I'm training for this ahead of time.
Edit #1: Thank you reddit. I think you ensured I will be getting divorced. Don't let up, it's full steam ahead.
Edit #2: My wife hates train puns. I sent her screen shots. She's on to my loco-motives.
Edit #3: I'm speechless. Largely because it's like 6am and I want to stay quiet to not wake up my wife, she's out coal'd, snoring like a freight train. I feel like you all really railed it with these jokes. I hope that she doesn't chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga choose choose to divorce me. I couldn't wait until the train ride. I told my wife some of the jokes. I working on a YouTube compilation of them from last night. I feel like she conducted herself quite well.
Edit #4: [These jokes were off the rails. Here is the YouTube link of my wife's reaction so far.] (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
Edit #5: I'm about to start training.
So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly
They planet.
extra poll later
Apparently he offered very little resistance and conducted himself beautifully
It seems 3.14% of them are Pi-rates
leaves one doctor
So I grounded him.
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
Ground them until they conduct themselves properly
They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
I wasn't sure how to conduct myself
It was a zut! suit riot.
so I grounded him
Shockingly he got charged with battery
I always feel so powerless, as if someone is keeping me in the dark.
Training.
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
Edit: Thanks for the upvolts and awards. Gotta go, my son just flipped a breaker!
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room. He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out. Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance. Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
That's the only time anyone actually looks for Minh's spies.
So I had to ground him until he conducts better
I stayed up all night and I didn't snore once.
/r/dadjokes will be hosting an open mic night using reddit's new feature Reddit Talk! Come, hang out, test the new feature, and tell us your best dad jokes!
The event will last one hour and begin at 5PM PST (8PM EST, midnight UTC). In order to access Reddit Talk you will need to be using the latest version of the official reddit app. Looking forward to talking to you all!
"What do you know about dwarfs?" She asked.
"Very little." I replied.
It chew chews it!?
Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
We were discussing one of my wordle guesses that she had never heard before (the word "parse"), and as I was trying to define it:
"You know what syntax is? Not the fine for unchristian conduct in the American south, the other one."
The intensity of her groan made me so happy 😊
EDIT: *Metal.
Dad: Did you hear about how Jordan has been bombing ISIS?
Me: Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Dad: I know... So do you think Jordan's Air Force is called "Air Jordan"?
Me: :-/
Dad: They probably have the Nike logo on their jets.
But it is when it's ground.
Training.
Seems like there's some chemistry happening between them.
Pretty pointless, really. It didn't talk at all.
He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
I grounded him until he conducted himself properly.
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
Had to ground him until he could conduct himself properly.
You ground him until he conducts himself properly.
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs.......I said "very little."
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
