Restrained Puns

A list of puns related to "Restrained"

I had an argument with a German football player in a pub. I was about to insult him on a touchy matter, but i restrained myself.....

As i walked back home, i realised that was a Klose call. It would have been at all time Löw for me if I hadn't restrained myself.

Edit: Americans will have this to translate to American

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👤︎ u/AhmadRK
📅︎ Oct 09 2018
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My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
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👤︎ u/golubeerji
📅︎ Dec 12 2020
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I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.

Beanstalked is a serious matter.

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👤︎ u/VateauxII
📅︎ Jul 23 2020
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My wife just gave me a restraining order..

Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander....

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👤︎ u/AustralianGroan
📅︎ Jun 08 2020
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away but so does a restraining order

I tried okay

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👤︎ u/Zi657
📅︎ Mar 31 2019
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I wanted to write a joke about restraining orders.

This is as close as I could get though.

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👤︎ u/asbestos_fingers
📅︎ Apr 23 2019
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Why did the milk get a restraining order against the grocer?

It said he was a stocker.

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👤︎ u/Strawbalicious
📅︎ Oct 26 2019
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How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?

Use a George Strait jacket.

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👤︎ u/Rossum81
📅︎ May 01 2019
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I was on my way to work this morning and I forgot how to put my seat belt on.

After awhile, it clicked

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👤︎ u/SleepOnEm
📅︎ Jun 20 2020
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I took a shit today

The dude who i took it from got a restraining order

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👤︎ u/bllop-a-doop
📅︎ Aug 01 2020
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I tried to catch some fog today.

I mist. :(

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👤︎ u/pink-sundress
📅︎ Jan 26 2018
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I draw puns and make friends guess them. Thought r/puns might like them too. Post your guess in the comments! imgur.com/QJ4Cykf
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👤︎ u/tiggidytom
📅︎ Nov 10 2015
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Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...

...he was forced to take out a restraining order.

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👤︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
📅︎ Jun 14 2019
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If statistics state that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea...

does that mean 1 enjoys it?

EDIT: Ha! I'm glad to see I was right about this joke! It was actually in one of my latest youtube videos and I even referenced /r/dadjokes. Apparently I was spot on!

Here's the link if you want to see it: http://youtu.be/9o0giMlJHMc?t=1m40s

(Warning: it's Call of Duty)

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👤︎ u/Budd_Manlove
📅︎ Apr 04 2014
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My brother has the heart of a lion

And a restraining order from a zoo.

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👤︎ u/AngryAggron22
📅︎ Nov 29 2018
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I had gotten much too excited about my BDSM fetish

Mistress said I must restrain myself

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👤︎ u/The_Possum
📅︎ Aug 31 2017
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I tried to keep following my dreams.

Unfortunately, my dreams filed a restraining order last night.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Mar 02 2018
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My girlfriend really got me with this one.

A restraining order.

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👤︎ u/bridgeheadprod
📅︎ Feb 14 2016
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My pasta was kinda wet and drippy at the restaurant...

...so i asked the waitress for a restraining order.

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👤︎ u/from_dust
📅︎ May 21 2015
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