We just finishing applying the mortar to the tub surround and adding the tiles. While we were cleaning up, she was complaining about all the mortar dust getting in her feet. I asked her how it got there and she replied that it’s all over the floor. “You walked in it?”, I said and she nodded. I replied with, “one does not simply walk into mortar.” I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.
but the second floor is another story.
Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.
While cutting out sheet rock for the tile, he hands me a circular cutout with the words “to it” written on it.
He began to tell me that I’ll never be able to say I’ll do something “when I get around to it”, because now I have one of my own.
After about a minute I never sighed harder in my life.
I got vinyl flooring & vinyl siding
It’s a counter reformation.
Let that sink in.
Happy Father's Day!
My mom has been trying to push my dad into renovating the kitchen.
Mom: We're thinking May.
Dad: Yes, we MAY do it.
My parents are in their kitchen, talking about their different lighting options. Right now, they have several (8, in fact) recessed lights. Some are on a dimmer, some are not.
Mom's talking about how with the way the lights are currently set up, she likes when only 4 are turned on, based on the way they're set up.
"At any rate, the way it looks right now, won't be the same if we get the pendant lights put in. It'll be much better, they won't all be so close together" Mom says.
"Yeah", says Dad, "they'll all be...
Indie-pendant"
God love him.
so my mothers friend andy is helping her install a new TV, and this string of puns resulted:
ME: thanks for helping out around here, nice to have an ANDY-man
ANDY: oh that was a good one
BROTHER: i Don't know, i thought the delivery was kinda WOODEN
ME: wow, thanks for HAMMERING that home, pesonally i think i NAILED it, so SCREW you
BROTHER: will you just CONTRACT aids already (edgy ik)
ME: oh come on, i don't think you're being very CONSTRUCTIVE
BROTHER: i'm sorry, feeling a little PLASTERED right now.
Both of us: burst out laughing
After seated, the waitress asked
Waitress: comfortable, sir?
Man: no, i come for the food
In fact, last time I did one, I Re-joist.
All I got was blank stairs...
We live in a duplex.
He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.
Erect Tile Dysfunction
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.
It’s a fun little game we like to play
He found it very re-ward-ing.
I asked him to wait, I need to reflect...
Lets say you buy a mobile home and you renovate it to have more things in it and be a bit more up to date. You even add a phone system in case you lose your phone. Does that make it a Mobile Phone?
I've been helping my dad renovate the kitchen past few days. Today I was tasked with putting the handles back on the cabinet doors. I asked him to come take a look at how I was doing:
Dad: "it's looking great, good job" Me: "thanks, I'm really starting to get a handle on things"
Got a good chuckle, it was great
My dad and I were working on a 150+ year old house recently.
We go to fill the outer walls of one room with insulation, and while cutting out holes in the tops of them we smell something funny. Rats had made a single section of one wall the dedicated toilet. Without missing a beat my dad says "That's some shitty insulation."
Out at poker with the guys- friend who just purchased his first house shows up. We ask if he's moved in yet, but he's still renovating.
"There's just a bunch of studs in the kitchen right now"
"Oh, well why didn't you invite them too?"
We are renovating our bathroom. Almost finished all we have left is to hang the door. He measures the door frame and asks me "How big is the door?" i looked him dead in the eyes and replied "Big enough to fit the hole"
There was a brief pause then we both broke out into laughter.
My mom and her boyfriend recently bought an old funeral home and are renovating it to turn it into a house. While out to dinner with some extended family, my mom's boyfriend's 2nd cousin says, "so I heard you live in a funeral home.. that's interesting" to which his aunt replies, "yeah, we've all been DYING to come visit."
Classic.
And the bar entered renovation
Bit of context: Mum and dad are visiting my house which I'm renovating. Today's job is to put on new doors. We are sitting watching TV and finish watching a few episodes.
I say, "ah well these doors aren't suicidal".
Mum gives a quizzical look.
Dad says, "yep they won't hang themselves."
Same wavelength.
Dad: Yeah, it's all the silicone pipes in the bathroom (renovating bathroom, working on it) Me: Ah, makes sense
Dad: Just Imagine how bad Silicone Valley smells
He just laid that one on me not too long ago
She was telling me about her renovations of her office at work; Wife: The bathrooms are really nice now. Me: Really? How? Wife: They're only one at a time and they have fans. Me: What do the fans do? Cheer for you as you go? A little salt n peppa?
Ahhh push it. Push it real good!
Before a staff meeting, a coworker was talking about living in a renovated church with 15 other people. He said it's just like any other big house, they hang out, party, etc., then someone asked if they drink on the altar.
I said, "yeah, it's a great place to drink. You only need to bring water."
During some home renovation my friend was using a vacuum and after he shut it off, he turned to me and said with a concerned voice "this thing sucks" and slowly cracked a smile.
I was in the waiting room of a small hospital this morning, with about 4-5 other people. The waiting room is in a temporary location while the main waiting room is being renovated, and the ladies behind the desk couldn't see if someone came in and took a number. I had number 10, and after waiting about 5-10 minutes and not being called, I went to the desk and she helped me. She then asked me what number I had taken, and I told her 10. She yells out "Are there any numbers below 10?!" And just at that moment, one of the male nurses came around the corner, into her office and said "Yeah, there's 9, 8, a whole bunch of them actually!" All of us in the waiting room let out a collective groan and secretly hoped we would have him as our triage nurse.
The first floor is done….. but the second floor, that’s a whole other story!
