When I go camping with my wife I want it to be relaxing...
but it always ends up two in tents
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
Thereβs nothing better than relaxing to Beyonce.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.
I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
Axolotle relaxing
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.
Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.
π︎ 76
π
︎ Oct 02 2018
Fishing is relaxing
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 24 2018
Whenever my girlfriend wants to argue about something, she waits until Iβm relaxing in my hammock.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
What do you call two relaxing vowels?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
I thought camping was supposed to be relaxing, but it was in tents.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 20 2018
What is the most relaxing weapon in a NINJA's arsenal?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 20 2019
A lot of people like fishing because itβs relaxing.
I like fishing just for the halibut Β―_(γ)_/Β―
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 08 2018
Whatβs that rodent doing, taking it easy by the pool,.. it kind of seems to be relaxing its jaw?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 31 2018
[Daily Jumble] Sylvester Stallone wanted to go for a relaxing swim at the beach, but it was...
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 28 2014
While relaxing and watching some TV with my wife this evening
Wife: my hot chocolate is too hot.
Me: well maybe you should have had warm chocolate.
Wife: -_-
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 26 2014
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
Whatβs the most relaxed number?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
What does a python drink to relax?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
My daughter was all worked up, and I told her to relax. She screamed "I can't!!!".
So I asked her if she could lax again.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
When my daughter is nauseous, I sing to help relax her...
Apparently she's not a big fan of 'Let It Go'
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Pretty stoked it's the weekend! Gonna relax and get drunk hans style...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Where do meteorologists relax ?
Where do meteorologists relax after work?
At the isobar!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
π︎ 112
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Relax
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
Anyone I ever dated was impressed when I told them I liked to relax on my poop deck.
They were always disappointed when I showed them it was just a regular deck with dog poop on it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
What weapon is the most relaxed?
Just βchill axeβ, my dude.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
I've taken up a new hobby. Shooting arrows at paintings.
Who knew artery could be so relaxing.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
Why was the milk so relaxed?
It was chilling in the fridge.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 29 2020
So I used to own a rabbit farm.
You know I would raise these super cute fluffy bunnies!
People would always ask me how it was: was it relaxing, fun, nice, a bore etc...?
I would always respond that it was honestly terrifying, like really scary.
People in bewilderment would always say: "what? scary? how can that be??"
I would respond: "well, it was hare raising"
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
When I'm really feeling stressed out, I massage auto parts to relax...
Sometimes, I just knead a brake.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2020
YSK: Drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
What does an illustrator do when they want to feel relaxed and refreshed.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV
Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 21 2019
I hope to one day be rich enough to buy a ring-shaped island chain formed of coral, where I can retire to relax.
Iβll call it my No Worries Atoll.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 17 2016
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
π︎ 306
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
I canβt relax when I have multiple options for where to sleep when Iβm camping
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 18 2019
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
I told my wife: "I was thinking we should relax in the park with one of my friends."
She said, "Picnic."
"Jesus," I said, 'I always knew you fancied him."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
How do pirates relax?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
Who is the coolest most relaxed member of the orchestra?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
I was diagnosed with a condition where I can't stop making airport jokes.
The doctor said it was terminal
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
An actual dad joke for you purists in /new
My wife just now, relaxing after we got the kids to sleep: Do we have any toast?
Me: No, but we have bread!
Wife: π *silence*
Me: I'll just see myself out. *laughing all the way to the pantry*
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
I tried making a joke about yoga.
I didn't see it working out.
I know, a bit of a stretch, right?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
Doctor: Relax, David. Itβs just a small surgery, donβt panic.
Me: my name isnβt David.
Doctor: I know. Iβm David.
π︎ 952
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day.
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out β60 Watts - Made in Chinaβ.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 11 2019
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