Ibuprofane
...it does more than meats the eye.
He's not a flight risk.
My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.
After a test for my blood type came back as Cabern-A positive.
The ISIS melting.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...
How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.
It was touch and go from there on.
Mostly golf strokes, swimming strokes, tennis strokes etc.
But no. I was charged $30 a pop.
It didn't help me one bit!!!!
Because his partner is always Robin.
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,
I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....
I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
Knock Knock / Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh—
Moooooooo!
There should be a Trump version.
Knock knock / Who's there?
Interrupting Trump.
Interrupting Trump wh—
Fake moos!
Marginally.
So they had to cut coroners.
I went to bed 7 times last night
This joke caters to the lowest common denominator.
...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!
My colleague asked me "will they be going cheap?", I said "no they'll be going bwaark!"
Still laughing at myself.
It wasn’t a grate day today.
Because the Isis melting.
The Enlitenment.
Please raise your arm.
it's what it's
... The steaks have never been higher
Its a cut-throat business
My kids keep listening to a song and apparently want me to make it a little quieter, or "turn down 4 watts"
A very proactive step to reduce the likelihood of anything else going viral.
I’m in alkynes of trouble.
I’ve been caught in a terrible cycle.
He told the man to stand at least 3 hours a day, which should reduce the symptoms - and to come back in a month. A month passes and the doctor is seeing the man again. He asks if the symptoms have improved. The man says, “No, but I’ve only been standing for one hour a day”. The doctor says he understood.
It's called the iSpy
Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie. He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears. I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn't offer a bulk discount. For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.
With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn't back down. Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears. He then asked me what I wanted to play.
Fed up, I shouted: Rock! Pay per scissors!
Because we’ve already reduced and reused them.
I was checking out the reduced section, when a woman beside me pointed at a bakery item and said to her child "Scone". I replied "Nah, it's still there." I should have walked away at this point, instead I stood proudly grinning for at least 30 seconds.
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
