Puns! Quips. Jokes!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P131NYRFC3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Spider-Man offered to give me spidey powers to invent new quips for him.

I guess you could call it a quip pro quo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My sister and I have to deal with pops constantly joking with lame quips and puns...

You could say /r/dadjokes a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohmyganja
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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I submitted 10 wordplays to a pun contest hoping one would win best quip...

But no pun in ten did.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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I didn’t know what to think walking into the kitchen last night to find my wife draped in lasagna and pouring piping hot soup over her head. β€œI’m just putting the dinner on”, she quipped. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Was at the zoo in Dublin Ireland today. Was very early and there was a group trying to spot the Snow Leopards in their enclosure without any luck. After a few minutes of looking I quipped Snow Leopards.... sNO leopards... well I laughed....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feckthis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Pun fighting...

A Game of Groans.

> Wordplay is coming...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Unexpected dad joke from Mom... My dad was grilling pork chops today. Normally not a fan, but I decided to try a bite. It was delicious, so I turned to my dad and said, "Wow Dad! These pork chops are really well done!" From behind me, Mom quipped...

"Actually, they're medium-well."


I paused for a good 10 seconds as it began to sink in, and then gave her the biggest applause I could.

I'm so happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoBlizzard12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Tried a Dad Joke on my grandfather....it backfired.

I walk into his house and he yells, gruffly, "What are you up to?". Seizing my opportunity, I quip back "Ohh about 6 foot 4.". He glares at me for 5 solid seconds and says dryly, "I didn't know they could stack shit that high!". Uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes from him.

RIP Old Man

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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We were walking down the street, when a group of black metal musicians approached us.

My friend turned to me and quipped, "Oh oh! Here comes treble!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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i collect ties with chickens on them

i brag to friends about my hen tie collection at home.

....a friend pointed out that one of my hen ties actually has a cock and not a hen. i quipped that in tie land, it can be hard to tell them apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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The Laughing Hoagie

Two high school students named Steve and Josh found themselves broke on a saturday afternoon while strolling around in the city mall. They hadn't eaten lunch and they were getting hungry, but alas, they had no money for food and they were hours away from home.

"I heard there's a place downtown where you can get a sandwich for free" Steve said to Josh.

"That sounds great, let's check it out" Josh replied, and they headed downtown.

They soon found the place. It was a small shop, too small to feel like a real business. The place had no tables or chairs, and not really much furniture at all. An old man stood behind a small counter and eyed them as they entered.

"Welcome to the Laughing Hoagie" he said.

"What is a laughing hoagie?" Josh wondered.

"It's the name of this sandwich place. This is not a regular sandwich shop. We have a special offer here for people who can't afford to pay for their food." the man said as he smiled a toothy smile at them.

"So it's true then," Josh blurted out, "we can get free food here?"

"Not so fast." The old man said. "There is a condition."

"What is it?" Steve wondered aloud.

"Well," the man started "you have to listen to one of my jokes, and the one of you who laughs the most genuine laugh gets a free sandwhich. The other one gets nothing."

As he said this, the old man opened a small refrigerator that stood behind the counter and produced a large, footlong sandwhich with ham, cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. It was covered in a white dressing and gave off a faint peppery aroma. The boys' mouths started watering at the sight of it.

"What? So only one of us gets a sandwhich?" Steve asked, taken aback.

"Those are the rules," the old man grinned, "if you don't like it, you may leave."

"Nah, we'll hear the joke." Josh said. Steve looked at him, and then nodded to the old man.

"All right." the old man rubbed his hands together as if preparing to dig into a strenuous task.

"What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?" he asked, and looked expectantly at the teens. They both stared at him with blank expressions.

"Bye Son!" he exclaimed, and struggled not to burst out giggling at his own quip. Josh chuckled a bit, but Steve just frowned.

"That was the worst joke I ever heard!" he exclaimed.

"Well," the old man said as he handed the sandwich over to Josh, "if you don't like jokes with really bad punchlines, then this sub is not for you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffigt
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Fantastic pun from Wait Wait Don't Tell Me

They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.

One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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The dad in you is strong

Son: We’re in Walgreens so Mal can get eye drops and some girl goes, β€œAre you finding everything okay?” So I pull a dad and go, β€œYou guys have β€˜everything’? Where’s your Meaning Of Life?”

She calmly responded, β€œYou won’t find that in Vegas.”

Dad: It's "I wasnt looking for everything". But your quip was fair. You need more practice. Keep trying.

Son: No kids yet, so I can’t channel the arcane magic

Dad: You will always carry your inner dad. The dad is strong with you my young dadawan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuzamatterforyou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Who?

Dad: (talking to Mom about someone) Me: Who? Dad: Who? What are you, an Owl? Me: Every time...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gr8WhiteStarks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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Dublin Dad Joke takes the (biscuit) cake
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eoinh100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Wife: Why are you wasting your time reading jokes on Reddit?

Me: I want to be well e-quipped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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Hawaii Puns

Hello punsters!

My fiancee and I are having a combined bachelor and bachelorette party that will be Hawaii themed and sadly I got stuck coming up with the invite.

I know reddit is full of quips and puns so any help would be greatly appreciated. The gist of the party will be bring a dish to pass around, wear Hawaii themed clothes, and after we will be playing board/trivia games.

I already have something along the lines of dress in your hawaiian clothes to ensure you'll get leigh'd, but any help you wordsmiths can offer would be great!

Thanks reddit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippinphil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2012
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Tips for colleges

I remember when I was little, I’m 40 now, my dad and I were at a concession stand at a ferry terminal, probably Edmonds-Kingston. There was a tip jar that had a sign, β€˜Tips for college.’ My dad quipped, β€˜Don’t go to WSU.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjhadster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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Pillowcases

I recently purchased a new bed and had the joy of trying to find all the necessary accessories for a California King bed. After spending a full Sunday with my girlfriend bouncing around different home stores, we finally have all the sheets, duvet covers and bed skirts we need. We've assembled our new frame and I start putting the bedding on our mattress. I'm struggling with getting everything put on and call out, "uh oh, I think we got some phony pillow cases."

Fear and anxiety paint her face as she rushes over and asks "what's wrong?!"

I quip back at her, "yeah, this thing is a sham!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/payne_train
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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Dad joked my distracted student

I was giving notes in the directions for an upcoming assignments when a student mumbled something to another student. Thinking it might be a question, I asked what was said.

"I was talking about my sneakers." He admitted.

Annoyed at the off topic interruption, I quipped, "Oh, are they A-D-Didas?"

Most groaned, a few clapped...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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My roommate hit us with a good one.

My roommate, another friend of ours, and myself were hanging out and having casual conversation when the other friend brings up how his hair is getting rather long in the back. Since he plans to keep growing it out over the summer, he just remarked that it was in "the awkward stage" and figured it'd look better as the front caught up with the back, so to speak.

Without missing a beat, my roommate quips "yeah, don't worry, just give your hair some time to mullet over!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloodhound627
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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I out dad joked my own dad

So I’ve just gotten home from a run last night. My mum reminds me to wash my hair, and my brother quips in by saying; β€˜Don’t forget to put some shit in your hair’ (toilet humour is the norm in my house).

After showering, I come back downstairs and find my brother. β€˜Hey Rob (that’s his name), I remembered to put some shit in my hair … but I think it was fake.’ I say. He gives me a funny look. β€˜I think it was sham-poo’.

My dad who is sitting nearby groans. My mum gives me a slow clap. I feel really proud.

That feel when pun is life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobulibobium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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One Day in the Refrigerator

So I just spent the last ten minutes trying to come up with a joke to go with a punch line that popped in my head. (I have issues). Anyways, here it is- Milk and bologna were in the fridge gossiping about the neighbors when bologna said β€œI don't care for eggs, but I really like sausage.” to which mustard quipped β€œthat's what cheese said!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jabx33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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BIL was telling us about one of his exes who counted everything. In fact, her incessant counting was a factor in the breakup.

FIL quips "I wonder what she's up to."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voidbender
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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My sister's boyfriend at the dinner table.

My sister was talking about the cheap sun dresses at Wet Seal, and he quips, "or you could try their sister store, Dry Socket"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lisq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Just dadjoked my dad hard...

Sitting around the dinner table with my parents, my wife, and my 8 month old son. As Mom cleaned up the leftovers, my Father asked her how much meatloaf was left, to which she responded "none of it". Dad quickly quipped "Nunavut? That's in Canada." Mother rolled her eyes as dad continued, "I've never been there though..." I didn't waste my opportunity: "How much of it have you seen, Dad?" He too quickly replied "None of it" realizing his folly as the last word escaped his lips. He looked down and tried to swallow his smile, which only made us both explode with laughter. My mother couldn't have been more ashamed. I'm still chuckling.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoneMonkeyKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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(step)Dadjoke tonight

So my step dad, mother, and I are on our way home from a pint night tonight when we got onto the conversation of twins. I was going back and forth with my mom, who as a nurse was giving insightful comments on the subject. My step dad quips in and asks if there's any specific parts of the US that are prone to fraternal or identical twins. We both are kinda confused for a second, and my mom says it's not a geographical thing but genetics. He then says he would have thought Minnesota would have been the place. I lost my shit. My mom was confused until she realized it was a baseball dadjoke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jahlovelol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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From my girlfriend...

I'm microwaving up some leftover soup.

Microwave dings, finally done. I pull the soup out of the microwave, and triumphantly exclaim, "Soup!"

My girlfriend quips, "There it is!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirratus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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So I'm a new dad, but I think I'm doing this dad joke thing right.

I'm a newly minted dad as of three months ago, but I've been practicing my dad jokes for years. In other words, I'm great at bad puns and face palming humor.

I gathered with a group of friends to see an old friend who we hadn't seen for a while. She was telling us about her new boyfriend. After saying that he was a cop, and also a culinary student I quickly quipped:

"So he really does Protect AND Serve."

Followed by a big new dad grin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardedBatsard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Out joked by the wife

After getting back from the store, one of the pears we bought was not good upon closer inspection. I cleverly quipped "a-pear-ently one of these pears has a dis-pear-ity". Quite pleased, I chuckled to myself "oh, me and my dad jokes!"...my wife looked at me and said, "did you say dad jokes or bad jokes?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoobles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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Just remembered this one from several years ago.

So I am speaking with my parents about my younger brother, who is acting different to my dad. My mom said "[Brother] is just talking to your dad like this because he is going through puberty.". My dad quips in with "No I'm not, I went through puberty a long time ago."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mercinary909
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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Got my friend while watching Mulan

Was watching Disney's Mulan last night with some friends. It was toward the beginning of the movie, right when Mushu (the dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy) is introduced. At this point, I cleverly quipped, "Looks like Mulan is about to get her drag on."
Groans aplenty.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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Momjoked

I called my mom out on a lie and said "liar liar pants on fire"

She quipped with "i better go get my panty hose then"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheepdog-46
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
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Astronomy Dad Joke

I was doing some stargazing with my telescope Saturday night, since it was a good time to view Uranus. When I was done, I carried my telescope inside and my brother says "What were you looking for?" I made a point to say it like 'Ur-uh-nus'.

Dad walks into the room as I am leaving and asks my brother what I was looking for. Inevitably, my brother replies 'Ur-ay-nus'.

Dad quips to me down the hall: "Leave your brother alone and look for your own!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kosmosouthern
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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I'm 23 and was visiting my parents. I was complaining to my mom about my bad receding hairline when my dad walks in...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brad9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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Dad refused to believe he had dyslexia...

...until Mom quipped, "Denali ain't just a park in Alaska".

And he got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kempff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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Mom got me while watching news

Its been exceptionally windy today, so windy that it blew over one of our plant pots and broke it. The local news channel was discussing it. Then my mom quipped "Why aren't they in front of our house? We have breaking news right here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neozan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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Meeting my Dad for skiing

Today I am meeting my dad at the ski hill. He texted me that he is on his way. I reply "You'll probably beat me as I'm slow to start today". He quips back "I never beat you, I only put you in time out".

-.-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yodifatcatz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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My Boss is a Dad

Today my boss, who is white, was talking to our book keeper tell her that he was going home for the dad because he is feeling sick. The book keeper told him yeah you look bad you have no color in your face. With lighting fast dad reflexes he quiped, "that's be cause you're looking at these guys all day"

Me and my coworker are both black and groaned appropriately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinobones1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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oldest guy in class got us with this one

So what I think is the youngest person in class was showing a video on his phone of Mercedes new 'ESP' technology, which led the conversation into what causes most car crashes, to which most contributed a lack of attention because of doing the same thing over and over. We noted how sometimes one can arrive home without remembering anything about the drive, and how many of us have really specific habits. One guy said an obvious, "I even get out the exact same way each time."

To which older pilot guy quips, "To the left?"

Laughs were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aerik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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A turtle was crossing the road...

...in front of our shuttle bus yesterday, on our way to a Civil War re-enactment. "He's trying to get away from the battle before it begins", said our driver.

Without missing a beat, I quipped "Yeah, he must have heard there was going to be a shelling."

Half-hearted groans were had, and my wife wanted to disappear. Success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacmanfan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
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