Misunderstanding on purpose

My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" πŸ™‚).

So every now and then this will happen:

Child : Can I get an app?

Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.

Child: no, an APP

Me: yes, lie DOWN

Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.

Me: or an early night?

Child: weary sigh

Me: you do look tired

  • thinking I'm the best joker in history*

That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.

The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_error101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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have you heard of the guy who broke his legs on purpose?

total legend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NearDead-Star
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I'm a border collie. My master says that my main purpose is to gather sheep for him.

That's what I herd, anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/handsomeransom122
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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I got an F in art class on purpose

I wanted my report card to spell out F art

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Me: "Excuse me, can you show me where the self help books are?"

Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Why do tennis players bounce the ball ?

It serves a purpose.

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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There was no fork to stir my eggs, and though my wife asked me not to use it for this purpose

It was a whisk I had to take

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Came home with all purpose flour. My wife asked why I didn’t get bread flour.

I told her there wasn’t any, in these times bakers can’t be choosers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didn’t he get the electric chair?

Turns out he was a really bad conductor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unsettled_Beef121
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Please i need it for medical purposes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annamodski
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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What did the man exclaim after the change machine explained its purpose?

Ah, makes cents!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manlymatt83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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I don't like word play jokes done on purpose...

I prefer when they're pun-intentional

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arctic_Womble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What do you call a knife with no purpose?

Pointless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManAmeJeEf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I misunderstood the purpose of the colour conference...

It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Purpose
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawlingstones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
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My friend always goes to the campground when he seeks purpose...

That's the only time his thoughts are in tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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The sole purpose of a child’s middle name.

is so they can tell when it's really inΒ trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namirred
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Duct tape isn't ever used for its intended purpose...

But it DOES seal quacks in ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Everything has a purpose

God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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I purposely haven't showered for days

Stinko de Mayo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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My dad said,"Do not use the bathroom for long time for other purposes...

.... either urinate or you're out of it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Did you hear about the self-driving car that purposely ran someone over?

It was an auto-motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jo_Re13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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What do you call a rodent that refuses to be used for scientific purposes?

A lab brat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What is the purpose of a breast cancer awareness week?

To keep cancer from getting the breast of us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FISHunderscore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynthiaimprov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose

They make the person look better

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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I repurposed a few of my old watches, mad a really cool belt out of them.

My wife said it was a waist of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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When my wife goes skiing she finds it fun to fall on purpose.

She's a strange woman, but that's how she rolls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markyland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was

she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Whats the purpose of the flour in that recipe?

all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoMilkTheCowsBro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?

Ent-trophy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheresTheWombo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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When playing Mario Odyssey, I asked my kids if they thought the tanks served a purpose...

...or are they tanks for nothing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperC142
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Last week a self-driving car hit my brother on purpose

I guess it had faulty automotives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halcyon427
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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Come on man..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LosPollos23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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JusReign and JehanR travel to Iceland for the sole purpose of PUNNING youtube.com/watch?v=cGwnf…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frontlawnstuff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Teacher walked into our classroom for one purpose

Teacher "I used to be addicted to soap... Don't worry I'm all clean now" Then he just started cracking up and left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memgriz32
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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Me every time I walk up to someone's fridge to get ice from the dispenser, I purposely set it to water and yell....

...."I think your refrigerator is broken. This ice is coming out melted!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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