Minor prophets and all that....
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dunadan37x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A man, cursed by a wicked genie, goes to the local prophet for help.

The prophet hands him a six sided piece of paper. Confused, the man asks how it's supposed to help him. "Simple," the prophet says, "it's a hex a gon."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the name of the prophet?

Seymour

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Prophet Moses invented beer?

Hebrew

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuester
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Isn't atheism a Non Prophet Organization?

Ba dump tsssss

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
no prophets at all
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv-in
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
β€˜Atheism is a non-prophet organization.’ - George Carlin
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What is Atheism?

A Non-Prophet Organization.

Sorry if repost, delete if I didn't catch that it was from the sub.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nbenito97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Non prophet
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SQUIDDYYYYY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Jesus stop selling items at auction?

He couldn’t make a Prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?

It’s a non-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walrusgumbel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Salesman

I used to have a job selling exploding prayer mats.

Prophets were through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
As less and less people are buying into religion, prophets are down.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I always know when my Indian flat bread is ready without looking.

Guess I'm a Naan prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a nearby red giant star, and the people that lived around it are insectoid until their prophet Moses led them away to a system that's still inhabitable.

They're called the beetle jews.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A financial analyst is a profit prophet
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomtngs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
My dads friend today. If the pope isn't a Prophet...

Then the Catholic Church must be a non-profit organization!

πŸ‘︎ 504
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Agravon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?

A not-for-prophet

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do atheists give away all their spare money ?

They're a non-prophet organization

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The first time they ever met, my dad blindsided my mom with this prophetic alphabet dad joke.

So my dad's name is Jay and my mom's name is Kay. The first time they were introduced, it was obvious their names were destined for dad joke immortality:

Mom's friend: Jay, this is my friend Kay! I thought you two should meet!

Mom: Hi.

Dad: Ya know, if we get married and have kids... we could name them Ellie, Emmie, and Opie. We could eat alphabet cereal for breakfast and alphabet soup for dinner! :) ;)

Mom: ..... uh..

30 years later and they did get married, and did get their "Emmie"! (my sister's name is Emily)

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Egdirdle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Atheism

Is a non- profet organization

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BEEthan1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an atheist business?

A non-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 213
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Juractive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Step 1: be friends with a god. Step 2: tell other people about your friend.

Step 3: prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batman_AoD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.

She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlextheInhuman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My optometrist says I have prophetic vision

I can see 3 years into the future, 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cruxion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend is pastor of a church that has no divine historical figures with extraordinary spiritual and moral insight...

It's a not-for-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Step one: Talk to a burning bush. Step two: Get your buddies out of Egypt. Step three: Prophet
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/musicianontherun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
And lo, an angel appeared unto the prophet Isaiah, and said:

Angel: "Behold! I exceed ninety degrees!"

Isaiah: "Uh... what?"

And the angel gave no explanation and vanished.

Isaiah muttered: "What an obtuse angel."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
The bible is one of the best-selling books in the world.

You could say it's very prophetable.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alliedcola
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non prophet organization
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaziMen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SquishyPanda360
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/albiedam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I met an atheist who worked for a charity the other day..

She said it was a non-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 914
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_mike
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A little boy asked his father why people would choose atheism.

The father replied β€œbecause it’s a non-prophet organization.”

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ialex2005i
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I guess one could call Atheism a non-prophet religion
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baronvonweezil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPonibo
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Atheism

Is a non-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pri35t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Atheism...

is a non-prophet organization.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism

is a non-prophet organization!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of atheism?

It’s a non-prophet organization

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicken-littler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Atheism

is a non-prophet organization

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leasors
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism

Is a non-prophet organization

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xSamuraiRage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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