Here is present the vampire state building.
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
Just realized why no one likes my presents.
They always get a bad wrap.
Past present and future walk into a bar
Santa's helpers are having a competition to see who can wrap the most amount of presents this year.
They are having a boxing match.
There's no worse time to be a chauvinist than the present
I had to give a presentation on playgrounds...
There were lots of slides.
Why is Harrison Ford so good at presentations?
He knows how to PowerPoint.
I made this She's got of lumps and bumps but I'm overall happy she's finnished kings, queens, and non-binary beans I present to you, my Les-bee-ian 😂🐝❤️🧡🤍💗
One of Santa’s biggest fears is getting stuck in the chimney while delivering presents
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar.
Things got a little tense.
Why did the German army not get presents from Santa during WWII?
Because they were naught-zis (Nazis).
(My 6 year old came up with this joke on his own out of the blue.)
During my work presentation, I was asked why I struggle with shapes.
I said I would triangle back to that question later on.
Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
I’m excellent at wrapping presents...
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: "Blues Lee"
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Why don't trees get Christmas presents from Santa?
How did Darth Vader know what Luke had got him for his birthday?
I have this incredible talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present.
An Ophthalmologist receives a birthday present from his colleague Gynaecologist.
Ophthalmologist: - "Ahh, thank you so much! This is a crystal ball in the shape of an Eye. For your birthday I will...."
Gynaecologist: "Don't even think about it!"
What’s the best present you can gift?
A broken drum kit.
Nobody can beat that....
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
What is the best house warming present?
Who brings a linguist their Christmas presents?
They really PRESENTED these jokes
The Pasta, Present and Future [OC]
How do toads open presents?
My weird talent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present.
My wife asked me to help her wrap presents...
So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.
"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"
She wasn't as amused as I was.
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
I got to open a present early. It was anti-gloating cream
I can't wait to rub it in
The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar
And things got a little tense.
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar,
Things got a little tense.
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for X-mas?
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what is inside a wrapped present.
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
The past, present and future walk into a room.
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