Her: Yes
Me: I knew it!
It’s a gift.
"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."
Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:
"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"
By their huemidity
Saint Cristobal
In that sense, he was on the money.
It’s fully groan.
Inuit!
Just Kuwait and sea
I wouldn't bet on it though. Hindsight's 2080.
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
...you would be Nose-tradamus
He was a real toothsayer.
I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day
Pride comes before the fall.
But I don't have 2020 vision.
I said, “it’ll be 0-0.”
Because they're not tenants
I think that's a little farfetch'd
He's got 2020 vision.
It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision
Nobody could have predicted what was to come. Know one had 2020 vision
The church recently filed to be a non-prophet organization.
Instead, we got the Thot Police
Thunderbolt and Lightning, very, very frightening.
Every single punchline is 'week'
He gets into a mean medium mode.
It will really shake Djibouti.
They're calling it the element of surprise.
I hope you're happy now.
It did come to pass
I sit on the toilet, strike the bell, and it goes, "Dung!"
they call me Nostrildamus
But you can't criticize XI.
I just don't know.
I don't have 2020 vision.
I would have predicted a trial period.
You guys really need to think outside the box
With Al-gore-rhythms
gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.
Fore shadowing.
Doctor says I have 2020 vision.
The ones before written language
omnipresents?
His funfair is next monkey.
Step 3: Prophet.
She's going to be a great dad someday.
Edit: predicted text
He’s a palm reader.
There are many tales that have come from Viking lore but few are as lost as the tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.
It was said that he was blessed by God's with a keen ability to predict the weather. Due to this magical gift, he became a renowned seaman. Feared by his enemies, and respected by his bannermen. After years of successful raids and conquests, one of his shield maidens finally plucked up the courage and asked him how he does it.
"Bran, how do you always predict the weather? How have you always, managed to avoid every storm the sea throws at you". All his men laughed and looked up at their leader. Before he could respond, his right-hand man stood up and with a smile on his face and retorted, " It's simple. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Here it is: Prediction
Dad: What group was this guy in again?
Me: The Three Tenors.
Dad: Do you know how much they used to get paid?
Me: (Groan) How much?
Dad: Thirty quid.
Baguette
Predictable, disappointing and people only laugh out of pity.
Her prophet margin!
..Not sorry, I've got to build up my repertoire of original jokes before my daughter's old enough to groan at them.
First of all, you have to throw them with both hands.
It's the scurge of the hummus rice
What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?
A: Lenin suits
What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?
A: That'll leave a Marx!
What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?
A: Stop Stalin and get to work!
What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?
A: Mao! That hurts!
An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.
The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."
The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."
20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.
The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"
The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."
We were in the car and my friend kept correctly predicting stores that were miles ahead of us.
I asked him if he had thought about becoming a psychic.
He responded "Yeah, it doesn't work out well."
I'm going on record to predict approximately 3.14 inches of snow tomorrow
My family was discussing the cubs winning the world series in 2016.
Me: I'm so bummed that it was just one year off from the back to the future prediction.
Mom: Well, at least it was in the ballpark!
Because it only has one i.
A little bit of context: we're finishing dinner and talking about the weather. My mom says today's storm wasn't as big as forecasted, and my dad comments that another storm is predicted to come on Sunday.
I say, "Well then shouldn't they call it Rainday?"
Got 2 groans and a half-hearted chuckle. Totally worth it.
After all, he does predict May weather.
My grandfather walks up to me and says "I can predict the score of the game before they ever start!" Suspicious, I challenge him. In all his dadlike wisdom, I lose the challenge in seconds flat. "the score is zero to zero"
My kid was talking about Al Gore and I asked him if he knew that there was a mathematical formula that would predict how Mr Gore would perform to music. When he said no I asked him if he knew what an algorithm was...
"I can predict when the Canadian Dollar drops" Drops Dollar
Cook: If we add some vegetables, it will give the soup more volume Friend's daughter: Whatever you do to the soup, it's not going to get any softer or louder.
She's 8. I predict a long, bright future of dad jokes. :)
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
In that regard, he was on the money.
In that regard, he was on the money.
The plot line was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
