I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Turns out I hit the jackpot. Using my phone GPS, here's a list of every species of native wild-growing tree (or at least species with tree potential) within 250ft of my house. That is, this list does not include any exotic species or anything planted or transplanted. There are 37 species within 250ft.
Quercus alba - white oak
Q. stellata - post oak
Q. montana - chestnut oak
Q. rubra - northern red oak
Q. falcata - southern red oak
Q. velutina - black oak
Q. coccinea - scarlet oak
Q. marilandica - blackjack oak
Q. nigra - water oak
Carya tomentosa - mockernut hickory
C. glabra - pignut hickory
C. ovalis - red hickory
C. pallida - sand hickory
Pinus palustris - longleaf pine
P. echinata - shortleaf pine
P. virginiana - Virginia pine
P. taeda - loblolly pine
Prunus serotina - black cherry
P. alabamensis - Alabama cherry
Rhus glabra - smooth sumac
R. copallinum - winged sumac
Juniperus virginiana - eastern red cedar
Oxydendrum arboreum - sourwood
Vaccineum arborea - farkleberry
Fagus grandifolia - American beech
Liriodendron tulipifera - tulip poplar
Liquidambar styraciflua - American sweetgum
Diospyros virginiana - American persimmon
Aralia spinosa - Devil's walkingstick
Ilex opaca - American holly
Sassafras albidum - sassafras
Cornus florida - flowering dogwood
Amelanchier arborea - downy serviceberry
Crataegus collina - spotted hawthorn
Acer rubrum - red maple
Nyssa sylvatica - black tupelo
Asimina parviflora - smallflower pawpaw
If we go to 1000ft, which includes a small pond and creek, then we can include the following to bring the total up to 52 species:
Acer floridanum - southern sugar maple
Alnus serrulata - hazel alder
Carpinus caroliniana - American hornbeam
Magnolia virginiana - sweetbay magnolia
Symplocos tinctoria - sweetleaf
Rhododendron canascens - Piedmont azalea
Kalmia latifolia - mountain laurel
Halesia carolina - Carolina silverbell
Baccharis halimifolia - groundsel tree
Crataegus spathulata - littlehip hawthorn
Fraxinus pennsylvanica - green ash
Ilex verticillata - common winterberry
Chionanthus virginicus - fringe tree
Hamamelis virginiana - common witch hazel
Sambucus canadensis - elderberry
Within a mile we get to 64 species:
Acer negundo - boxelder
Juglans nigra - black walnut
Aesculus pavia - red buckeye
Populus heterophylla - swamp cottonwood
Magnolia tripetala - umbrella magnolia
Platanus occidentalis - Americ
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
