Do you know what elves rely on during political campaigns?
I'm running a D&D campaign and I figured out the best riddle for the players to solve to open a door.
"Take thine father's blade and ascend!"
>!The solution is Pa's Sword 1234!<
Next political campaign slogan: "Hindsight is 2020"
They should make a political organization for older people who've left the workforce.
Call it the retirement party
what did the school staff do when a student wore a shirt with a picture of a robber?
I asked my wife to describe me in a few words
She said:
I'm mature
I'm moral
I'm polite
And, by and large, I'm perfect
Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....
You seen the ad campaign trying to get people to adopt dachshunds?
“Get a long, little doggy.”
How did bush fund his campaign?
Jay-Z is DMing a D&D campaign for his son.
Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.
"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.
Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."
I knew a pro gamer who started testing politics simulator games
What do you call a knock-off lego rug with political views?
Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
What are junk foods political beliefs?
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.
He's going to learn how to count or spell.
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
Did you hear that Lobsters have formed their own political movement?
They're fighting for a just claws.
Not to get all political in this sub, but...
Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?
How does Gandalf do the dishes?
Here’s my favourite politically incorrect joke of all time.
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest American President.
What is the most polite building in Italy?
The Leaning Tower of PLEASE-ah!
(Courtesy of my 7-year old daughter just a few minutes ago.)
Why is a queen's staff called a septer?
Because everyone in the empire works.. 'cept her.
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
Despite the popular saying, i decided to put all my eggs in one basket..
.. I just felt silly walking around in the supermarket.
The Trump White House is so polite these days.
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.
A regular bard-ershop quartet.
I've just been to the tyre shop
They have wheely good service
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
The campaign to elect Kamala Harris as Vice President
...was the most ex-pence-ive in history.
Credit to @comicsbyandy for this political cartoon that also has a pun
https://preview.redd.it/juu01g2we3s51.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=363c4e4cc3b0dd44ac8193dcdb74ee01bc854813
Since his political career is almost over the US vice president is starting his own soda company.
It's called Pence-a-cola.
Advertisers for cream cheese are running schmear campaigns...
...and they should all be lox'd up for their capers.
I went to o the smallest airport.
The staff was nice but the food was a little plane
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
They're removing all the monkey bars and jungle gyms from the playgrounds, but Biden has plans to stop them...
He is going to fight climb it change, according to his campaign promise!
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
What's the new hip political ideology?
Due to the Coronavirus, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff.
Anheuser-Busch once sent representatives to gynecologist offices
to hand out anti-Blue Ribbon flyers as part of a Pabst smear campaign.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
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