Point Blank Puns

It’s a Minnie marathon.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

So I was leaving the local music store on an overcast day, and I passed by an older gentleman outside on the walk to my car. It had started sprinkling pretty hard at this point.

Old man: "Looks like rain" Me: "Feels like it, too!"

Blank stare as I get in my car and drive away

I made a dad joke the other day, probably not an original but I came up with it on the spot and I am proud enough that I felt the internet had to know!

Setting: a backpacker hostel in New Zealand. A couple are talking about a time when some farmers set sheep loose in the Louvre in France as a protest.

The set up: the girl says 'and a pony walked into a police station on its own once too'

To which I turned around and replied: 'I heard about that, he was trying to report a crime but couldn't get his point across because he was a little hoarse'

Which resulted in a blank stare from the French girl and uproarous laughter followed by a somber head shake from the Scottish guy.

Putting that one in the bank for when I have kids.

Wife was painting the kitchen, commenting that she was a little uncomfortable on the ladder trying to reach such high points of the wall.

"Don't worry," I said, "I'm sure you'll rise to the occasion."

She just stared at me blankly while I laughed and laughed.

.. and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'