My son's a happy boy... I recently persuaded him to swallow a flashlight...

...you should have seen his face light up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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What do you call the first Ant to grace the Earth who can't be persuaded to Sin?

Adamant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLearningUstaad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Joe Exotic persuaded two straight men to marry him

Want to find out how?

You do the Meth!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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What do you call a french guy who persuades people to smoke?

Pierre Pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carpet_tart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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It's impossible persuading kids these days to write to Santa. They simply don't believe in the existence...

...of letters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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The former NBA commissioner was persuaded to buy a family gym package that included unlimited personal training sessions...

After the trainer vowed she would leave no Stern untoned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Why are Republicans persuading people to stop slicing their parmesan cheese?

Because they want to make America grate again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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The first rule of Thesaurus Club...

is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, orate, recite or chat about Thesaurus Club.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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These friars were behind on their belfry payments...

...so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JButler22093
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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I died after this incident.

So we are all standing around eating dessert and my girlfriend is explaining to my dad how she burnt the cookies. I attempt to quell her stresses by telling her "don't worry, me and my dad are crisponians and have a deeper taste for crisp". My father responds with "I may be a crisponian but this might be crisponite". Everyone in the room was laughing except for my 13 year old sister, it was priceless.

This is the same guy that, on a road trip (shortly after the wendy's "finger in chili incident"), was trying to persuade us to visit the establishment whilst passing by. When i said i didn't want to he said "What's the matter don't you like finger food?". He followed up with "Wendy's: We put a little bit of ourselves into everything we make.". And finally simultaneously made every passenger pee their pants when he raised a clenched fist and said "WENDY"S! WERE #1!!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kronox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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The Minister for Prison's new law

My Father messaged me, out of the blue, showing me what Dads do best: "The minister for prisons has persuaded the government to pass a law to require all sentences to be shorten" Wow.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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