Ever since she’s changed her outlook and ways she tries to force herself into dormancy a lot now because she hates herself and says she is not good enough she frequently cries and self harms in inner world idk what to do tbh she’s really upset a lot of the time for hurting the system

This is kinda a rant but also just want some help in some sense idk

Life for us has been so incredibly hard, there were so many really horrible things happening that couldn't be explained. When we discovered we were a system, everything just clicked and we slowly started figuring things out and working on things. After we came out as a system to some close friends a couple weeks later a friend also came out as a system. Our instinct to start with was to validate and help them but things became problematic and we discovered some things about this person.

Me (the host) and system persecutor went through all the red flags and evidence this person showed us over about 3 months and I got to a point where I needed to talk to them to help settle things. All I was going to do was gently address my concerns and let them explain themselves and leave it at that. Charlotte told me that I'm soft and care about people's feelings too much to a point that we hurt ourselves trying to keep everyone else happy. So she took front and went off at this person. The main problem being is that the method Charlotte went with was the same method of the @busers that literally are what created Charlotte.

The thing that makes me sadder is that the person saw what was coming and turned it on its head and so we ended up getting hurt (like I knew would happen with that method) now the person has blocked us won't talk to me and I feel like a bad person and just wish that we weren't like this, wish that we were normal. I understand system responsibility to a really high level, which makes me mad cause I want to hurt Charlotte so bad for what she has put us through and I want to be able to blame it all on her, I want to be able to not feel bad for it.

I’ve too often seen and/or heard of persecutor parts being pushed aside, locked away, etc. I’m similarly guilty of these actions as well as being a persecutor part myself a time ago.

More often than not, persecutors are misguided protectors with outdated methods. These parts are deserving of as much love and care as you give to the your other parts. Please treat yourselves with more kindness, you are all equally deserving. Thank you.

I need some advice from people who would know this subject way better than me. I have a friend with DID, and as the title suggests, one of their alters is a persecutor, and a nasty-sounding one. He tells me this alter used to be part of another one, who represented everything he hated about himself, but when he started to make peace with himself and his own flaws, that alter resolved to cooperate with him better and peeled away all of their negative aspects, which formed the persecutor. This alter, according to him, can subvert everyone else in the system, and frequently does so to force him to wander around aimlessly until it causes him physical injury. This alter also frequently goads him into suicide or committing violent actions specifically to hurt him. This has been going on for years, and I wasn’t aware of it as he has only been openly sharing his situation with me within the last few years due to the stigma. I’m greatly concerned for his well-being and would like any advice that can be given to help him improve his situation, or convince the alter to back down from their hostile behavior.

cureently sitting in the school bathrooms truing to keep a persecutor from frontinf since we have class, and rhere’s only 30 minutes left. i want to cry, it’s so hard keeping him out while he simultaneously critiquing my every action. inknow he plans to harm the body or act recklessly if he gets to feont, that’s what he tends to do, i just dont know how to deal with him cause he’s not listening to reason. in this situation what is the best thing to do? are there ways to avoid it?

it’s been a while since he’s last feonted so i didnt expect this, i just offhandedly mentioned him which shot him to near feont

i’ll fix the grammer when i’m less dissociated and stuff

any help is appreciated

I'm having a super rough time. Therapy is starting to get intense, which I fully expected. I'm discovering more parts of myself, which again I expected, but I've uncovered a persecutor part that I don't know how to handle. This part often bites my own tongue for me, making it practically impossible to share my feelings about things. They keep emotions locked up, unable for anyone to access them. And they often gatekeep a lot of memories that I am now discovering. Since finding out about this part, I've been experiencing so much more amnesia that it's making me scared of myself.

I don't know how to deal with this part of me at all, and I'm worried that if I continue to let hatred form towards this part, that I'll never get better at managing emotions. A different alter aside from me has already stated that he hates them. I just don't understand how persecutor parts even help at all. I'm exhausted.

Try not to jump all over the place here but I'm really struggling with what to do.

I have spent quite a bit of time the past year-and-a-half learning about myselft/working on healing my own trauma and trying to learn as much as I could about D.I.D. for my on-again, off-again partner.

The past couple of months have been much healthier and even peaceful between us. I had my own struggles with it because the lack of external chaos created internal chaos, and I'm fairly certain it was the same for him. I was having to self-soothe with the uncertainty of what might happen next, being so used to patterns of his extreme lashing out and then silence and then other parts reaching back out to me.

So anyway, things were going very well. We even had some conflict that we were able to manage. This is a long distance relationship and I returned home after visiting and it seemed like the communication was different, triggering me. He would disappear during text conversations which was incredibly unusual for him. I made a light joke about it because I didn't want to push it.

Then another part started questioning and accusing and attacking me for things. I spent hours really just trying to listen and calm him, but none of it was working. He was getting more and more agitated and his behavior was quite frankly emotionally abusive. I was trying not to personalize it because he was so upset.

I reached out to him the next day and said I was hurt by what happened and I wanted to figure things out. This part was likely having flashbacks during our entire conversation the day before. I'm not sure how how else make it make sense. Because obviously while it was happening he was perceiving something different. But it's all in text message and it's quite obvious.

He's back to telling me I'm a terrible human being and that he never wants to speak to me again and will explode in anger and disgust if I try to communicate.

He was willing to explain his reasoning that everything was going well and "everyone was having cookies" and he had to stop it because we were pretending that we didn't have problems and he needed to fill the holes in his head. I'm taking that to mean that he was denying himself from switching into this part and that he felt incomplete without it.

He holds a lot of anger and resentment about a couple of things, from an extremely distorted perspective. I've actually taken responsibility for everything I could and definitely went overboard trying to fix it with h

TW: Self harm, abusive behaviour I'm a friend of a system, who recently split again and the newest alter is a persecutor. It says that it doesn't care about what happens to anyone else in the system and seems intent on abusing and manipulating the host. She really can't deal with it's behaviour, it keeps trying to get her to burn and cut herself. As someone outside the system, I have no idea how I can help them. She's terrified of it, and it told her that if she told me then it would hurt her.

He’s talking about me, the secret love-child of the deep state and the Illuminati. I am the chief Jew, controller of the space-lasers. I am the blackest man alive. Yet I’m also Hispanic! And Muslim and atheist too! I collect more in welfare than the entire state of Mississippi! I killed Epstein when he wouldn’t tell me where he kept his (white) baby-blood supply.

When I’m bored, I frame powerful white men for rape and bioengineer new viruses. I hire snipers to shoot anyone who says “merry Christmas” instead of “happy holidays”. I herd the sheep and cull the lions with my evil vaccine made from one part delayed death and two parts communism. I intercepted the resurrected JFK Jr. before he could meet up with Trump (who I cost the 2020 election) and save your country.

I tell children that gay people exist, which obviously turns them gay too. I smuggle Mexicans into the country in caravans that magically cease to exist when elections end. I put the cancer-causing chemicals in windmills. I nuke-proof the hurricanes!

The only way to defeat me is to get a “let’s go Brandon” tattoo on your forehead. You won’t, you coward!

I let Lupe be co-con with me for knife fighting class. We were kind of dissociating and he wasn't fully there the whole time. I had a lot of fun though.

After class when we were in our car he finally came out fully and he was pissed at me. He said he wanted to do it and I was selfish for not letting him do it on his own. I really enjoy this class and I tried to let him do it with me even though I'm terrified of him. It wasn't my fault he wasn't fully there. He said maybe if I wasn't there he would have been able to do it. He tried to guilt trip me because this is the thing he was staying alive for.

He screamed really loud in the car and I felt like people in the next car over heard us and now I feel like they know there's something wrong with us and he threatened to do it again and I asked what is wrong with him why does he do this. He said he's always in pain and he's going to make me and everyone else suffer until he gets what he wants.

He's suicidal, along with Akhos. They're like brothers. I think he kind of feels protective over Akhos.

Lupe hates everything and everyone and is really violent and scary. He really really likes to self harm. Akhos is depressed and hates being alive and hates himself. They're like two sides to the same coin. Guess that makes sense cuz they're the product of Void splitting a year ago.

Anyway Lupe said that he only wants to die. He's always suffering and we won't let him stop the suffering.

"Death isn't bad. Death isn't the thing you should be afraid of. Suffering is. And will make you suffer until you let me die."

So yeah. I'm fucking terrified of him. I understand where he's coming from now and I'm just scared.

He threatened me and I curled up into a ball and waited for Doomguy to lock him up again.

I just feel really bad right now. And I don't want him to be let out ever again. People say it's not healthy keeping them away all the time but it really seems like the right thing to do. He's not actually suffering all the time right? When he's not fronting he's not suffering I don't see how he could be. Everything is fine as long as those two aren't around. And I don't think we should be trying to force them to "get better" when they don't want to and their entire identity is built around killing themselves.

I feel horrible. No one can make me like this except Lupe. Like I'm supposed to be the tough one. Lupe got me curled in a fucking ball. I can't do this

-Phoenix

so one of our alters is a persecutor and protector type and we're trying to figure out her interests to help her feel more ,,, part of Everything, if that makes sense? But we're having a really hard time, and she's pretty stubborn about helping us out (trauma-response lol, none of us fault her for it), so we're not quite sure how to go about figuring out her interests and hobbies.

the one idea we have currently is trying different hobbies and interests that the others like, but she's very independent so she'd rather do this sort of thing on her own. not sure if there's like... any advice past the typical "go google list of hobbies and see what she'd like" (actually come to think of it, that might be a good idea LMAO), but we thought we'd check!

thanks in advance! (and a quick apology if we're doing something wrong, none of us really use reddit LOL)

Went to my best friend and her boyfriend's place. We planned to have me bleach and dye their hair, I did. I was really really triggered that day for all of us. And we were constantly dissociating, I told my best friend this, they even asked what was wrong and that I never acted the way I was acting then. That and we were very sleep deprived too, my one little that deals with s**ual trauma came out. I was out some but besides that I don't remember much. I'm pretty sure Hope was out and was trying to sleep some, my best friend and her boyfriend made sure to try to comfort her. But before I had to leave, her boyfriend asked how soon I could I gathered my stuff, the energy changed, my best friend was ignoring me. And they were pushing me to answer their question about if I wanted to wait in the apartment or outside for my ride. I chose outside, I did message my bestfeiend that it wasn't ok the way it was in there in the house before I left they way they treated me. On the way back I sent multiple songs to my best friend to explain how I was feeling and what I wanted played at my funeral. Her reply was "oh well we don't care." I responded with " what do you mean by that. " she tried to call me twice but i was so shocked and suicidal that I couldn't pick up the phone. They then messaged me on messenger and a voice message from my best friend yelling at me telling me she didn't like how I came there... that I better not of brought covid. (That part has to do with a situation with my family I'm staying with, but no none of have it we all are covid free.) They has to use my epipen on me while I was there. But my best friend also said I emotionally abused them. I don't remember at all most of that night and i know none of mine would or I would... I then got this sinking feeling that someone new showed up and it was a persecutor and that we don't know what they said ordid to my best friend and her boyfriend. But I called and left a message last night and hope I can reconcile the friendship. Any advice ? Or anything? Im not sure what else to do or if I did something wrong or something not right ?

So Lupe is someone we've been having a lot of trouble with for a while. He's... Intense. And scary. But we finally made a breakthrough

He hates everyone, he has violent intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and struggles with suicidal urges and wanting to do pretty bad things to our body.

We have a Doomguy introject who serves as a protector/gatekeeper and keeps Lupe and Akhos in their area and stops them from fronting or hurting any of us. He's not like his source. He's nice. Soft. He doesn't talk or even think verbally, he's able to convey what he wants nonverbally. He's been keeping them from fronting for... Four months? Since he was formed.

Doomguy seemed to think Lupe was "ready." It scared the shit out of Phoenix. I feel really bad because we've been kinda demonizing Lupe. Anyway John Wick comes out, he's our protector and he loves driving. He tells Doomguy to put Lupe back until he gets to class.

Oh yeah I totally forgot to say what Lupe was ready for. We take hema(sword fighting) and knife fighting class. Doomguy decided this was something Lupe would enjoy and it would be really healthy for him. Wick agreed. So he drove to class and did sword and shield class co-con with Lupe. It went really well. Lupe's anxiety and urges and intrusive thoughts momentarily faded every time he needed to focus on learning something new. He was still intense and got to be violent, but he finally found a way to stop his seemingly endless pain.

That went well enough John let him front fully on his own for knife fighting. For this class we split into groups of two people with one rubber knife. One person stabs and the other disarms, then do the same thing back. We alternate this way as a warmup, then focus on one disarm/attack we're working on the rest of class.

This class was an overwhelming success. For multiple reasons.

1. Lupe cooperated with other people. He still believes everyone is bad, but he listened to the teachers, went slowly for a new student, and even gave tips. I'm extremely proud of him

2. His intrusive thoughts and urges faded as he got into the flow of passing the knife back and forth and learning about his motions.

3. He liked it enough he agreed to stay alive on the condition he would get let out for the next class.

So yeah I'm pretty happy about that

Our persecutor, also known as sean / broski / 532, isnt hurting our body anymore! he used to be a hardcore racist but we've spoken about it for a long time now, and hes finally realized that racism is no joke. hes also trans but he was severely transphobic and homophobic, and that also got fixed! so yeah, really happy at the moment

Today, we were filming a video audition for a really amazing opportunity, but not everyone was excited. This would be on a gulp national talk show, we would talk about some abuse, and our abusers would definitely know we'd talked.

While we filmed the audition video, several alters forced themselves to the front to express that we deserved to be harmed for wanting to be on the show, REPEATEDLY. We eventually finished one without interjection, but first there were about thirty videos that ended with my face blankly saying, "you should d*e."

I'm not sure what to do about this. The main front crew finally explained very directly to these alters that it is more important to us to speak out and help other systems than to protect the confidentiality of our abusers. They seemed to understand this and stopped, but I'm not sure what to do with these alters. We have not had such direct persecutors before, and I'm at a loss, plus I'm terrified they'll try to come out during filming if we get to do the show. Ahhhh, what do I do y'all?

Just wrote this in another sub.

"A lot of what people call persecutors are protectors. The one I mentioned having been here when the body was 4 years old is a protector. Her task was to make sure we always followed all the rules because not doing that could result in us dying. Then I appeared and part of what I was formed with was the belief that there are more important things than rules. She was in a permanent flashback and still lived in a world where not doing whatever was asked of us including activities that could land us in the hospital could result in us being abandoned with no access to food or shelter. I didn't live in that world. So we clashed and she tried everything she could think of to keep me from doing things that as far as she was concerned would end with us dying. Up to and including the reasoning "if I punish us they will see that I understand that we made a mistake and we have a chance to survive".

So, what helped? Realizing that I was dealing with a child. Starting to attempt to communicate with her in any way I could think of. Explaining to her that the body is grown up now and those rules don't apply anymore. Being aware that when she slips back it's because she can't help it and letting her know that I'm not angry at her every time. And once she was ready to start EMDR, making a routine of getting her favorite food after her sessions. And we have a written rule that whoever is fronting the day before them has to make sure that her snacks will be available. She's very driven to protect, but I won't allow her to be a meatshield again. So I give her age appropriate tasks like keeping someone else company away from the front while I take the body to the doctor."

Early on we settled on the term "protector with outdated methods". Persecutor is so alienating. Our goal is to cooperate, so it makes sense to try to see her point of view instead of alienating her. The first time she was called a protector she was so happy. Shortly after that she felt relief for the first time. We were practicing naming feelings and she didn't know what it was that she was feeling. The body was 29 years old and she didn't know what relief was when she felt it. It makes no sense to name her role after her hurting others when she's the one who is hurt.

Early on when I was trying to conceptualize what I was experiencing in terms I was used to I compared my situation to suddenly fostering a traumatized child. If that was the case I'd apply to adopt her. In thi

So, im kind of lost with this. A persecutor was back from being dormant, and was extremely supervised. They once did something to our trauma holder already, to 'make them stronger in case it happens again.' and after that was physically not okay anymore. So this night, they did something again. One of our pretty sensitive alters was fronting, and they basically SA'd him. But him worried about him now. He acts like hes completely fine after it happened and i know he isnt. but he wont say anything about it. he keeps telling me that hes alright and just "has to suck it up and deal with it." im scared our persecutor will go after our other quite sensitive alters to 'make them stronger.'

How easy is it to reform a persecutor into a protector? Does it vary, or is it always hard?

I'm reading the book "Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist", and I've come to chapter about Victim (Borderline) - Persecutor (Narcissist) - Rescuer (Caretaker) drama triangle. I strongly feel that my expwBPD was both victim and persecutor, it would be really hard for me to choose only one of those roles to describe our relationship. In this book it is said that BPD is at core closely related to NPD (or the same), but they represent themselves differently outwards. Is it weird that I see them both in one person? What are your thoughts and experience on the connection between BPD and NPD?

Uhm hey, I'm the Host of the System, Dean :) We newly found out we're a System and I have trouble believing it. Buuut that's not what I want to talk about at the moment ^^ I find it really hard to get to communicate with everyone. I tried building my head space but it's really hard and another Alter, Sky the Gatekeeper, said they already have an intact innerworld as they fronted. It seems like everyone of the System can talk and interact with each other except me. I'm taking medication against BD which is also used for Schizophrenia in higher dosis. Sky said it hinders us communicate and if we don't find a way to better it that we need to take different medication as with less communication the possibility of persecutors fronting, who are currently in prison (?), is more highly ;-;

I don't know if that is a common question if yes then I'm sorry. I'm really new here ^-^"

Turns out she still has a good heart, but she wants love and doesn't know how to make her be seen so she does bad things unintentionally. I don't know if she deserves the name persecutor anymore.

He really doesn't mean any harm, and I feel really bad for the poor guy, but his actions and thoughts are causing a lot of us (in particular our fictives) a lot of stress.

He often tries to convince us and himself that he is just role-playing, and attempts to reality-check us at inconvenient times. He also causes us to often second guess ourselves by asking questions such as "what If you're just pretending to be in love with your partner?" Or "what if you just convinced yourself that you're this Character?", and other questions along those lines. It gets even worse once he's in co-front with us. It's really difficult to communicate with him, and we're not sure what to do.

Again, he really doesn't mean any harm, and I think he's dealing with a bad case of imposter syndrome.. but his actions are hurting us, and seeing my headmates question themselves and their thoughts/feelings really hurts.

Edit: he told us he's doing it on purpose. I still want to help him, because he's clearly hurting too, I just don't know how to reason with him. I hope I can figure something out.

Oh boy... this one’s a doozy.

So another friend of mine has a full on DID system, had it since they were a teenager, and as of around summer this year we’ve had a particularly vitriolic persecutor show up modelled after a past abuser. We’ll call ‘em P, to be safe. To keep it short, the way they operate is as a mouthpiece for everyone’s insecurities and doubts, while also dragging them into some specialised torture chamber known only as the Underworld in which they inflict... seemingly just about any cruelty you can imagine.

It’s made the lives of several others of the system absolute hell, including the host themselves, and it’s really been wearing all of them down to the point that they’re convinced that there’s absolutely no chance of things getting better. And I don’t think I need to elaborate on what that can lead to.

Which is why I bring this to you, to ask one simple question: what in the living fuck can anyone do to help them? Can it be possible to restrain this bastard and keep the others safe from its wrath, and if not then what other options are available?

There's a lot about my past I'm not proud of.

I may have been taking on the trauma to protect everyone else but there were times that the trauma got the better of me. I ended up self-harming daily. (I won't go into detail. Details trigger me and I imagine it'd trigger other people too.) I thought I was making us stronger, I thought I was handling the situation the way I was supposed to.

After learning more about DID and certain roles, I realize I once played a role that is... Wildly unpopular. And because of all the bad things that were happening to me, at the time, I thought I had to be just as bad to survive it. It's different now though. I can see it so clearly now; how much I messed up. I really thought I had it all figured out but I was terribly wrong.

To anyone who has an alter acting as a persecutor: our behavior is not justifiable I won't pretend it is and neither should any other alters/persecutors, but maybe... it could be forgivable? ( I was dormant for 5 years and "woke up" to forgiveness that had been there long before my return.🤷‍♂️Maybe it just takes time.)

I'll forever be sorry.
I'll also forever be thankful for the second chance at redemption. I won't forget that I can rely on my other alters either. I realize now that we're a team.

TL;DR This is partly for me, but also for other people that may have a persecutor in their system. Persecutors can change, if they want to. Change doesn't always come easy, so if a persecutor finds themselves in a role they no longer wish to be in, maybe consider helping them? (Unless they can't be helped for some reason.)

-Aiden

P.S. I know it's different for everyone. I haven't forgotten that. I just hope any other "persecutors" have a chance to change. There was no pleasure to be found in being what I was. If a persecutor is ready and wants to change, they may not deserve a chance... But just one chance can make a world of difference, like it did for me.

Who wins/loses?

Sometimes I can hear a persecutor in my head saying bad things to me (the host) or even other alters sometimes, but I can't pinpoint who this alter is, what they look like, and sometimes not even what they sound like. Is this normal or should you usually be able to differentiate who these thoughts are coming from?

i recently received my DID diagnosis. after being told by a dissociation specialist following the MID that i had either OSDD-1b or DID, i then spoke with my psychiatrist of 5 years, and he solidified that what i experience lines up with the criteria for DID-- in his professional opinion.

i have managed to work on my communication pretty decently with some parts over the past six months so far after looking into resources and receiving information from the specialist, but i have financial issues and had to leave therapy recently because i could no longer afford it since i'm out of network.

i have a very serious question about persecutor parts/alters. i recently discovered that i likely have one after an incident the other week. i went up on my medications (a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic for my mood disorder and anxiety disorder) and i was told it may help combat any intense emotional states that might trigger specific parts-- this alter in particular was triggered due to an emotional breakdown from what i gather. so i'm sure that will help more now(?)

i just wanted to know the best ways to help these parts, if possible in y'all's experiences. i still don't know much about that part myself, but i do understand that she is internally aggressive and even causes bodily harm when she fronts. is it best to just make sure i avoid triggers? i feel like persecutors can just be misunderstood-- from my research anyways-- but i still feel like it's better to ask others who deal with similar struggles.

anything helps! thanks for your time.