The guy I hired to pave my driveway has gone missing.

Hope he resurfaces one day.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
The guy I paid to pave my driveway hasn’t shown up in three weeks.

I’m not worried though. I’m sure he’ll resurface one day.

πŸ‘︎ 336
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the bipartisan infrastructure bill will literally pave the road to progress?

In fact, the key reason is to make it much easier for an omnibus to pass !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymuscular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...

...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was disappointed when I told him I would be helping construct and pave a cul-de-sac.

He told me it was a dead-end job.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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They’re paving this road in my neighborhood right now. Let’s just say the asphalt is quite fresh.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prune_the_hedges
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2022
🚨︎ report
My local paving crew seems to have disappeared.

I have no idea when they will resurface.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2022
🚨︎ report
My dad accidentally ordered the wrong paving materials

Now That’s his own dumb asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spruielled
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
🚨︎ report
What's the best store to get paving materials at?

Tar-get

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsubpo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My 7yo came up with this gem: β€œWhat kind of candy does a sidewalk eat?”

Pave-mint

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abombregardless
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I owe a lot to the sidewalks.

They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.

πŸ‘︎ 705
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
🚨︎ report
"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"

It's your own asphalt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
the county road crew

"How's that nasty dirt road out to your farm doing these days?" the bartender asks. "Oh, it's real nice. The county came out and freshened it up," the guy replies. "They dropped a load of pave mint."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?

Because it's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VBStrong_67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt

The man says to the bartender β€œ1 for me, and 1 for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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My Dad owns his own paving company.

He decided to do some work on his own drive way one weekend. He started to complain about how poorly the project was going, I told him well, it’s your own asphalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spruielled
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?

Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhaleesiDog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Never blame someone for the road that you're on

It's your own asphalt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Astronauts mix cement in space for the first time, paving the way for future space colonies. astronomy.com/news/2019/0…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghhuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You remind me of a newly paved road....

Re-tarred.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommieJayRL
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Crazy Paving isn't all it's cracked up to be
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kielm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is riding a bike, jumping off, then riding a bike again good for the environment?

Because its recycling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps...

but I'm slowly getting over them

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwagADoodleDoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my friend to build a road from his house to his job

Now he’ll pave the way to success

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carter16891
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my son was stealing from his job at the construction site

But when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MildBanana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I just saw some guys laying concrete in front of an elementary school.

They were paving the way for our youth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter: fails exam

Mom: dear, remember, the road to success is paved with failure!

Dad: well, the road to failure is paved with failure as well!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dray_son
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Things I learned: when asphalt became commonly used on roads, people got around more...

It paved the way!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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