Parachuting Puns

He laughed, and I said I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation!

Yesterday after work:

"Dad did you hear about the Paris shooting??" "No I didn't hear about the parachuting, who went parachuting?" "No Dad the Paris shooting..." "Yeah I have no idea what parachuting you're talking about..."

I still don't know if he was messing with me...

He's slowly coming around

You'll have the rest of your life to fix it

On the way down he meets a chap with no parachute moving up wards. He shouts to him, Hey mate know anything about parachutes? The chap coming up shout No but do you know anything about gas cookers?

No strings attached

Also banjo same condition

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Is that you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Yeah, only once though.

My son burst into tears. I explained, "yes, buddy, it's sad, but they knew what they were getting into". My son replied, "I know, but it's still so sad. I mean, how many are in a brazliian? Is more than a million?"

Used once, never opened

Heard from an old Jump Instructor while handing out parachutes.

I said, if they had more than two they wouldn't be called pair-o-chutes.

Never again.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a clown listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The clown asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’€™m at 300 feet?”

“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

After pondering his answer, the clown asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-and-the-parachute-instructor/

I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

• Never opened
• Used only once
• Small stain

But not twice.

They took a dive in popularity.

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

Maybe parachuting isn't for you

Unless you have a Maxwell House parachute. They are good ‘til the last drop.

You don’t have to have a parachute to skydive. You just need one to do it twice.

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby"

If you're skydiving and your parachute cord is tangled, don't worry about it. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

"So next week we get to practice detaching our harnesses from our parachutes while being pulled along the ground. It should be a lot of fun!"

"Sounds like a real drag to me"

...Dammit Pops.

When I was very young I brought my dad string and a Walmart bag Me: "Dad, can you make me a parachute?" Dad: without skipping a beat "POOF! You're a parachute."

You need it to go skydiving TWICE.

The rest of your life.

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

But you do need one to go skydiving twice

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Only once though

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

You need one to go skydiving twice.