How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?

Woo! Tang is forever!

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👤︎ u/waldo06
📅︎ Feb 09 2021
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Why did James Cagney drink so much orange juice?

For the vitamin, see?

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👤︎ u/GRWeston
📅︎ Jan 21 2019
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I've always wanted an ocean of orange soft drink.

I guess you could say it's my fanta-sea.

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📅︎ Feb 02 2018
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What cartoon character drinks way too much fizzy orange drink?

G u n k P o o F a n t a

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👤︎ u/rwp80
📅︎ Mar 12 2019
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What happened to John Travolta's throat after drinking orange juice?

Pulp Friction.

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👤︎ u/2donutkid2
📅︎ Aug 21 2019
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If the label on the orange juice says “no pulp”, and while drinking you find pulp, does that make the label Pulp Fiction?
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👤︎ u/esjay86
📅︎ Mar 18 2019
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I accomplished drinking the orange juice

Suck zest!

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📅︎ Nov 22 2018
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I don't put an orange in my beer often

Except maybe once in a Blue Moon

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👤︎ u/hastings43
📅︎ Nov 10 2017
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A waitress was taking an order from a dad and a 4 year old at a table.

The kid kept screaming, screeching poorly-articulated profanities at the disinterested father. Over the screaming chaos, the father managed to order a water for himself, and an orange juice for his kid. The waitress came by with the drink, and within moments the kid smashed his cup onto the floor out of pure, unaimed toddler rage, spilling the drink all over the floor and the waitress.

The father apologized, but asked if the gremlin could still have a second orange juice, hoping the kid would miraculously calm down. The waitress conceded despite the terribly behaved toddler, and returned to the shrieking zone with a second orange juice. She had forgotten to clean up the puddle of orange juice however, and slipped. The cup of juice went straight into the kid's face, and like a fire extinguisher to a flame, the kid just went silent, as if a lesson had been learned. Everyone in the restaurant looked at the table in silence.

Juice twice had finally been served.

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👤︎ u/TahLoow
📅︎ Mar 15 2019
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A dad's joke about milk.

Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."

Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?

Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!

The man is legendary.

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👤︎ u/Fagballs3
📅︎ Apr 17 2017
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My dad still tells me this joke he use to hear from his grandfather.

He only does it when he asks you what you want to drink. He says...

"What do you want to drink, apple juice, orange juice, orthodox jews?"

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👤︎ u/Ajwerth
📅︎ Mar 14 2014
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You should really drink apple juice.

Situation: I'm drinking orange juice.

Him: You know, you should really drink apple juice.

Me: Why?

Him: Because OJ kills.

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📅︎ Feb 21 2016
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ May 30 2014
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My dad got me with this one, easily the crown of his week.

So I love orange juice, but I hate how it tastes after having brushed my teeth. So I asked my dad, "Do you know how I can drink orange juice after brushing my teeth?" And since he knows a few good home remedies like that, he says sure, and to follow him to the bathroom.

He has me brush, and as I'm doing that, he explains how the toothpaste does what it does, the chemicals involved, so forth. He then takes me to the kitchen and pours me a glass of orange juice, beginning to explain why the two react and such, and says, "here, see for yourself. " So I take a drink, and of course, its disgusting, and I spit it out.

"And THAT is how you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth."

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👤︎ u/Pubbawubba
📅︎ Feb 21 2014
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