They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators
Should've called them heartbrakers
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Happy New Year fellow dad jokesters! For 2021, Iβm going to turn all of my problems into opportunities.
Starting with my severe drinking opportunity
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I recently turned down an opportunity to open a Dominos Pizza store, because I thought it was too risky.
If one store goes down, they will all go down.
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︎ Dec 20 2020
With great potential come great opportunities
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︎ Aug 27 2020
An excellent opportunity
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.
I turned it on its side, now itβs endless opportunity.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA
Should see it as an opportunity
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Eye wouldnβt miss the opportunity eye-there
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︎ May 27 2019
Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.
They could call them coughy filters.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
One of my friends made a mini-computer. Saw my opportunity and took it :)
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︎ May 15 2020
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....
....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
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︎ Feb 12 2020
On a post about a washed up whale. This person SEAS the opportunity and they take it!
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︎ May 31 2020
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
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︎ Jun 05 2020
The best cars.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
He really jumped on that opportunity
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︎ Jan 13 2020
Micro pun
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︎ Jun 23 2020
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Iβd like the opportunity for all of us to see the next day. #stayathome
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︎ Apr 03 2020
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Whoever named pirate's telescopes spyglasses really missed an opportunity.
They should have been called "Ayeglasses."
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︎ Jun 16 2020
Rare pun opportunity, I think I nailed it
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Donβt know how they missed the opportunity
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︎ Sep 12 2019
This quarantine has provided me the perfect opportunity to start a yacht making company in my attic...
Sails are through the roof!
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︎ Mar 21 2020
My friend was really sad
So, I told him 'its okay to feel Saruman, it only opens Mordors of opportunities'.
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︎ Feb 04 2021
We will find you one day, space cowboy <3 We will not lose the Opportunity...
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︎ Feb 14 2019
God gave me an opportunity
God said he's giving me an opportunity to pass along to the new world but i missed the train.
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︎ Feb 25 2020
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns.
roto.life/nba-paris-game-β¦
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︎ Jan 25 2020
My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.
Mom: βMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?β
Me: βOh screw this.β
Mom: βCan you grab some nails?β
Me: βYup.β Sees the curtains up βOh wow youβre really nailing it.β
Mom: βThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...β
Me: βDonβt worry. I know the drill by now.β
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︎ Oct 22 2019
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︎ Apr 08 2020
My pet frog broke his leg this morning...
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Someone with the last name Hindsight missed an opportunity to run for president.
Hindsight is 2020 though.
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︎ Nov 18 2019
Two many opportunities for punning here.
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︎ Mar 09 2019
βChelseaβs Pizzaβ I said, reading a sign as we walked. My son replied βDid you say Elsaβs Pizza?β Realizing the opportunity I said βNo, but what kind of pizza would they serve at Elsaβs Pizza?
βFrozen pizzaβ said my son, rolling his eyes.
βExactly, my son. Frozen pizza.β
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︎ Dec 13 2019
Missed opportunity.
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︎ Mar 05 2017
A traffic jam
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Is it just me or did Kleenex miss a huge opportunity to say βSneeze This Momentβ?
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︎ Apr 25 2019
Once in a lifetime opportunity
Here's to a happy New year and hoping that we all see clearly in 2020!
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Opportunity knocks
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︎ Sep 24 2019
Really!? That was a golden opportunity!
Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies βitβs a beautiful place for dairy, it also itβs just a big dairy areaβ.
You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?
Iβll see myself out.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
He saw the opportunity and took it
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︎ Jun 11 2019
My first official dad joke!!!
So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim βhey (sonβs name) youβre really rockinβ βnβ rollinβ now.β My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
The Punnerβs Prayer
Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kaleβin it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity Iβm involved in that Iβm really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.
But I reply βNO I AM A CAPITALISTβ
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︎ Nov 16 2019
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths".
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︎ Feb 12 2019
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