But, why was I the only one wearing a dress?
It was a Mini Soda.
You'll need a lot of training.
https://preview.redd.it/ny6421gsu6271.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc538636d80299444b89d12aa44a57a44ccaf78a
I'm Australian, in Australia, specifically southern Australia. Very specifically, southern Victoria. Anyway. I took a long drive on Friday, out to Halls Gap, which is a beautiful part of the world. Oddly, I noticed along the way a significant amount of dead crows on the side of the road. Now I'm of county stock, and I know well that crows (although technically ravens I believe) are an extraordinarily intelligent bird, and it's very rare that you see one fallen by the roadside. As such, it was obvious to me as unusual. So I looked it up, and as it happened there'd been a study conducted regarding the very road I'd driven down. Turns out, this particular road was notorious for dead crows on account of two very basic reasons, the first, it's proximity to bushland which ensured a considerable amount of regular road kill (possums, kangaroos, etcetera) and second, the road was a significant trucking route. It follows logic, although I did not see it at the time, that it was determined that the trucks, rather than the cars which used the road were to blame regarding the amount of dead crows. How so, you ask? I, too, was interested to know. You see, the front of the average car in these modern times is made of plastic and paint whereas the Australian cross-country truck is equipped with a large alloy bullbar. A crow, when hit by a car will have chips of paint transferred onto its feathers whereas one downed by a truck will have none. Now crows are not usually struck by vehicles, as they are a very intelligent bird. As such, they employ a sentry bird, which looks out as the others eat from the road, and warns them of any approaching danger. Such is the intelligence of the crows! So why should they perish by truck in such numbers? The answer amazed me. As it turns out, a sentry crow sees the approaching vehicle and calls to his friends CAR! CAR! CAR! but he can't say truck
I always see plenty of people giving me thumbs up there.
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
Just look at that escargo.
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
But it's a real game changer.
He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."
It really takes its toll on me.
Speak now or forever hold your pee
And now it's All We'll Drive!
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?
At the time we were thinking of naming him Carson.
Wife notices graffiti on the side of the road with the word HISTORY. Her: "That is the second time I have seen someone graffiti that word." Me: "History repeats itself."
One I don't have a girlfriend. Two I don't have a Tesla.
I figured he would do well with on the job training. He went off the rails and wrecked. I don't need to mention about his conduct during the process.
I call it drag racing.
She says, “Why are you staring at your keyboard for hours?”
So we've been driving for about 30 minutes down state route 1 and talking has died down a bit. We're just listening to some oldies on the radio when my dad says, "Flo Rida must be pretty popular down here. I keep seeing his name everywhere." I replied, "really? I haven't seen it anywhere..... Ugh Shut up dad."
Edit: Key West is the most southern part of the state of Florida, USA. Flo Rida is a rapper. Flo Rida is really popular in Florida. My dad saw Flo Rida a lot during our drive in Florida. If you don't get it yet, leave /r/dadjokes
Edit 2 because people keep struggling. If this doesn't help you understand the joke you're lost.
Flo Rida
Flo rida
Florida
a Jesus Chrysler
16 giggle-bytes of them to be exact
Driving blindfolded sure has its advantages
It was a sound investment
Girlfriend: Oh, that's definitely an aardvark burrow in the termite mound.
Me: ...would you say it's an example of classic aardvarkitecture?
I replied, “Ain’t it a butte?”
Because they watch what they eat.
And I said, “Honey, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”
There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,
Who the hell is that person ?
Dad: "It wasn't a foul on the drive, it was a foul on the player. Idiots."
Dad: "What does USB stand for?" Me: "Universal Serial Bus." Dad then throws the USB stick he was holding up in the air and catches it as it falls. Dad: "Does that mean that I just caught the Bus?"
Really nailed it, poor thing went flying. My seven year old son says from the passenger seat, "Dad, that was.... CATastrophic."
Felt bad for the cat, but pretty damn proud of my son.
My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:
"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"
It didn't defuse the situation...
..with my dad.
"I'd love to build a home out here some day", he said.
I saw a real estate sign on a large lot so I said, "There Dad. How about that one?" and I pointed to the sign.
He said, "Nah, I don't think we can afford it, the sign says:
'For Sale. Lots.'"
It will break
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
A Jesus Chrysler.
