Normal cat .....Meow...
Texan cat...... Meowdy...
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︎ Feb 14 2021
When you said life would go back to normal after June...
π︎ 80
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case thereβs a salad dressing
π︎ 15k
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Why donβt you ever see normal houses at night?
Because they turn into warehouses
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︎ Feb 08 2021
I havenβt had a haircut in months, and I normally hate long hair, but I told my wife...
π︎ 21
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︎ Jan 08 2021
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, βLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?β
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible,β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie,β he says, βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesusβ, exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Normal people: "I need a hug". Me:
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?
The one for children has baby teeth
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Do you know what kind of shoes sex offenders normally wear?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 17 2020
We should raise the Lego bricks and help them to a normal Level of Respect!
They have been stepped on for far too long.
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
π︎ 3k
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.
Son: No I donβt like ghosts.
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 16 2020
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
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︎ Aug 14 2020
My 11yr old son just now: When does a normal joke become a dad joke?
Me: uh, when?
Son: When itβs apparent.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 13 2020
I donβt normally tell dad jokes
But when I do.
They laugh.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 22 2020
You know that air that is generated by helicopter rotors when they are spinning really fast? Did you know that itβs not normal air?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing itβ¦
π︎ 284
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︎ Dec 28 2019
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants
but he's still making fun of me
π︎ 51
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 11 2020
A real conversation I had last night
Her: βIs it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?β (My erectile dysfunction)
Me: βYβknow, normally yeah it is, but with you itβs nothing hard at all...β
Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Normal is just the same as average...
So if thats true then depending on where you are you would be of an average race, have average hair, etc.
And going down from that, alot of people have the same name, making certain names normal or "average".
What im saying is, thats a really complicated way to find the average Joe.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.
π︎ 7
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︎ May 19 2020
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
π︎ 7
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︎ May 15 2020
Husband: Babe, I got paid more than I expected! This is great!!!!
Wife: Sweet! How much are we talking??
Husband: Well it is normally $1000, but this time I got $1000.02!!!!!!!
Wife: ...thats not that great.
Husband: Well I think it is, but thatβs just my two cents.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...
Nothing jumped out at me.
π︎ 7
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︎ May 05 2020
What do you call just one, normal potato?
π︎ 2
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︎ May 08 2020
My dad once talked about the normalization of conspiracy theories around Covid-19
"Last week's tin," he said, "is this week's hat."
π︎ 4
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︎ May 29 2020
I thought this was a normal comment then I read the end.....
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 29 2020
Just a normal workout
π︎ 600
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︎ Apr 06 2019
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 02 2020
Two original dad jokes for you that involve our dog Habibi
Our new puppy is named Habibi but we all call her Bibi for short. Here are two real dad jokes I've told about her in the past few weeks:
- What do you call it when Bibi eats one of the Star Wars toys?
Bibi ate
- What do you call it when Bibi shoots out tiny poop pellets instead of her normal poops?
Bibi gun
Thank you, thank you. bows
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 27 2021
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patientβs record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patientβs record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkeyβs health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldnβt possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.
π︎ 23
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︎ Mar 10 2020
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?
Yes, itβs parkour the force.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 18 2020
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Canβt you see Iβm going crazy?!
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 18 2020
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"
And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 21 2020
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
π︎ 17
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︎ Oct 23 2019
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 16 2020
My son told me couldn't hear people in normal conversation
So we got him a colloquial implant.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 13 2020
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
π︎ 211
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︎ Sep 19 2020
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...
π︎ 25
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︎ Jul 14 2020
You said everything would be back to normal after June...
π︎ 10
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I donβt normally tell dad jokes
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I tried to explain my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,
but he's still making fun of me.
π︎ 93
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︎ Oct 12 2019
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that itβs perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pantsβ¦
But heβs not buying it.
In fact, heβs still making fun of me.
π︎ 7k
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︎ Apr 27 2017
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