I said I understand, but I wish you wouldn’t.
10-ish
because it often RELAYS the wrong message
Luke warm
'It's not unusual.'
it’s just to make hens meet.
Because pregnant horses have two horse power.
They're also pun-ishingly bad! You should be pun-alized for it!
Edit: >!I normally don't do this but let me explain the joke/post. Please notice the pun-chline below the title.!<
>!The idea behind this post was to make a pun out of the controversial topic of this sub and nothing else.!<
>!I'm the "devil's advocate" when it comes to both sides. I love both SFW and NSFW dad jokes. Also, there are many prude cultures in the world where parents don't use NSFW jokes with their kids even as an adult so it makes sense why they won't think an NSFW joke is not a dad joke. Reddit is not limited to western culture.!<
Edit 2: A lot of people have been sharing links in this post. Don't click them. They might be scammers.
My Pfizer killing me.
I see a paradox.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
Because she’s too short for the ride.
He’s still making fun of me...
He said no, there’s no whey.
Edit: You guys are super funny and I love this! Keep em coming! It’s such a problem you don’t realize how much I’m getting pandemic kids in my chair that just have anxiety about being out again and getting their hair cut and everything (who wouldn’t feel that way, right?!) You guys are giving me excellent material to make these kids feel a little more off their guard and more normal. I love you all
Technically a mom joke because I’m a mom but I get my best material here to tell the kids in my chair when I cut their hair. Funny jokes set them at ease and it’s so much more fun
It's like normal tennis, but without the racket
For context I work in a prison as a nurse. The other nurses were looking up charges for one of the inmates and hes in for capital murder. One of the nurses asks, "Whats the difference between capital murder and just murder anyway?" to which I was quick to say "usually a bigger M"
I guess Ive been a dad too long now that it comes natural
Julyed.
He said, “But you only have a normal-size guitar.”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Because they turn into warehouses
They've been required by law for years, and proven to reduce deaths.
Once the child gets big enough though, the normal seat belt works just fine.
It’s growing on me.
Shear size
The one for children has baby teeth
The next day, the janitor had to clean up a bunch of ducked tape.
He really wished they’d had the balls to play the normal way.
Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.
It started out normal with basic straight lines but by “Z” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.
Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.
I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?
They shook their head and shrugged.
Me: MonastArial!
I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.
Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🤣
Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.
I've seen a Hugh Jackman and it's just the size of a normal person.
Son: No I don’t like ghosts.
Life Pro Tip: Give your child a normal name.
Me: Are you still mad that your mother and I named you Life Pro Tip?
Creepy white vans.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
They have been stepped on for far too long.
She didn't want bigotry to be normalized.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Because it has 2 horsepower.
Just in case there's a salad dressing
…to make hens meet.
July-ed!
but he's still making fun of me
But when I do. They laugh.
