A new Egyptian undertakers have opened up in town. Their motto....

"Satisfaction Guaranteed....Or Your Mummy Back."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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There is a new restaurant in town called Karma

They don't have menus, you get what you deserve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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A new restaurant opened in my town called The Moon

The food is terrific but there's no atmosphere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantity_Weary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?

It's because they're still alive.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.

I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamlet_71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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There’s a new mirror factory in town!

I can see myself working there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.

Unbereavable...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...

I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said β€œOh, yeah. There’s tons of reposting on this site.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.

It was open mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Did you hear about the new vasectomy doctor in town?

His name is Howie snippem. Specialist in Circumcisions. He works for tips.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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I hear there's a new cemetery in town that's so nice, everyone is dying to get in.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fleshandcolor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I see there's a new express coffee delivery service in town

It's call Purcolator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moosetappropriate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new Mexican restaurant in my town, and the owner has been bragging about it nonstop.

He can talk the talk, but can he guac the guac?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FellDragonHeir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the name of the new hearing clinic in town.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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There's a new donut shop in town, and they deliver
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cazberry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars

The cops are working tirelessly to catch him (Got it from r/memes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12thNazgul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard a new detective is in town.

He Sherlocks his Holmes well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerrpSter
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a cool new funeral home in my town.

Everybody's dying to get in there.

My dad actually produced this one yesterday. Happy Sunday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldeen_Need_Log
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
🚨︎ report
The dynamite factory in my town is hiring new workers

I guess business is booming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I thought my kids would be nervous about trying the new Indian restaurant in town...

but they had no reservations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom and I were talking about new tennis courts in our town...

She drew the layout, and each side had four courts. She said, "We're going to have the courts like, this: a court here, a court here-" Then my dad says, "So, if you have four quarts, will you have a gallon?"

My dad and I were the only ones laughing, and my mom says, "Don't laugh at his joke, swingingsalmon."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingingSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Sent my dad down to the new sensory clinic in town

He feels better now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cj8490
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you tried the new restaurant in town, called Neptune?

Food is good, service is quick but it feels like there's no atmosphere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doublds
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
🚨︎ report
So someone came to our door asking for money. He was fundraising a new pool in town.

"Dad, there's a guy at the door collecting for the new pool" Dad: "Just give him a glass of water"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jellysam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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I went to the new air and space museum that just opened up in my town!

I don't recommend it though, there's nothing in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikee_ONE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new restaurant in town called Karma?

There is no menu. You get what you deserve.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?

People are just dying to get in there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheaterpeefo
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new cemetery in town?

People are dying to get in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doublex12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new cemetary in town?

People are just dying to get in there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meggason
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
🚨︎ report
So they are building a beautiful new funeral home in my home town...

Apparently people are just dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BruinRuin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report

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