Don't let the Wizard negotiate!

Fireball is bad diplomacy, it just inflames the situation.

Just one example from my second ever video, 50 D&D puns! I am super new and super small, so every view is valuable to me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dastardly_DM_Dude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I don’t negotiate with terrorists

wife: she’s three

I don’t care how many she is!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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It took the Simian Council weeks of tense negotiating for a new Constitution, but eventually...

it all ended with a Round of Ape Laws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Romnonaldao
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Still up for sale?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Why did the Sales Manager fail in negotiating his products?

He couldn't zeal the deal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesusJesus42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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My mom found a 1975 quarter online for $150. Here’s how it went

i look up the coin online and it is worth $6 in mint condition and tell her the value

My mom: we should ask if they’ll negotiate

Me: we should buy it and see if we can flip it.

I’m 16 and fear for my future kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Why did the parallelogram suck at negotiation?

It could never make ends meet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IntoxWolf
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
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The best kind of bread is the bread made in India.

It’s simply naan-negotiable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopTarnekPop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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I MUST have bread with my Indian food

That’s just naan-negotiable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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I told my son that I better have Indian bread for dinner.

Its naan-negotiable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wordlesssky
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What’s the difference between terrorist and mother in law?

With the terrorist you can negotiate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I work in a bar. Today a lady looked at our wine list, bad-mouthed the soil the grapes grew in, and tried to get us to discount her bill.

I said, "You pay full price, ma'am. We don't negotiate with terroirists."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lcblangdale
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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