How much does a nursing home weigh?

Tons of grams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Did you know that the Wizard of Oz had a brother ?

His name is Gram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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There's a holographic version of Pablo Escobar touring the world he tried to sell me a G, but I declined...

I knew it would just be a hollow gram.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Don't order the carat cake at a jewlers' convention

The quality is excellent, but the serving size is only 0.2 grams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veryruralNE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Chainsaws

A brilliant man created a new chainsaw that only required 5 grams of sodium chloride and just one AA battery to work. It was charged with a salt and battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5Dimensional
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?

Gram positive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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What unit of measurement does a serial killer use to weigh its victims ?

Kill-o-grams !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinterDad32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I have my grandma on speed dial

I call it: InstaGram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lacsantos91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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How do you weigh an influencer?

In instaGrams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaylPone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What do you call an old white lady

Gram cracker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyBigNips25
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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What do they call a grandma that’s quick to respond?

...an InstaGram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alltime75
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I hear IT people are the main reason the US has not switched to metric

So many people who are pro gram amongst them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Wife’s grandma asks, β€œSo, how’d you sleep?”

Me, β€œWith my eyes closed!”

Grams, β€œIt’s too early in the morning to do this”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekesupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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What fo you call an underweight skeleton?

A skeleGRAM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyChilly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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I put my grandma on speed dial

For some reason, my phone calls it insta-gram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caj28
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
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If weight of an object is measured in kilograms, weight of an image is measured in....

Insta-gram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StonedRiverBridge
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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I dadjoked...my dad.

He took one of our 100 pound labrador retrievers to the vet and texted me to bring the other (less hassle). I pull up next to his car in the parking lot. Before I let my dog out of the back of my truck I turn to him and say "I normally do my dog deals at night. Less witnesses."

I'd like to say he sighed and drove off. Instead he asked what I was on about. I explained the joke to which he said, "I raised you better. You're supposed to say $10 a gram or 10k for the whole lab."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ck_mooman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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No whey

Making a SOY protein shake when my dad walks in.

Dad: whatchya doing? Me: making a protein shake Dad: what kind? Me: Chocolate.

My dad picks up the large bottle of protein powder and exclaims, ' 24 grams of protein?! No whey...'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crispyjay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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Dad-joked my coworker

He was telling me that his grandma had recently started using Twitter and Instagram.

I asked him if that makes her his "Insta-gram."

He was only mildly amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jerestrasz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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My dad wants to know if he should get "this mole" checked out...

He sent me this pic: http://imgur.com/MuXVhX0

For those that don't get it, it's Avogadro's constant, whose value is: 6.022141Γ—10^23. This number represents the number of atoms in one gram of Carbon-12.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterchief117
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
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After having dinner in the nursing home.

Gram: It was okay, nothing to write home about. Dad: Then it's a good thing you're already there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoneyMead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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I put my grandma on speed dial...

I call it Insta-gram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellyandKen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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