N gram Puns

Tons of grams

His name is Gram

I knew it would just be a hollow gram.

The quality is excellent, but the serving size is only 0.2 grams

A brilliant man created a new chainsaw that only required 5 grams of sodium chloride and just one AA battery to work. It was charged with a salt and battery.

Gram positive

I call it: InstaGram

Kill-o-grams !

In instaGrams

...an InstaGram.

Gram cracker

Small and outdated instrument of... Mass communication????

Tele-gram

So many people who are pro gram amongst them.

Me, “With my eyes closed!”

Grams, “It’s too early in the morning to do this”

A skeleGRAM

For some reason, my phone calls it insta-gram

Insta-gram

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!

Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.

Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!

Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium

What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe

What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A ‘gram’ cracker.

What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.

How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a “carbonkneel”

What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.

How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down

Why do chemistry professor like to

He took one of our 100 pound labrador retrievers to the vet and texted me to bring the other (less hassle). I pull up next to his car in the parking lot. Before I let my dog out of the back of my truck I turn to him and say "I normally do my dog deals at night. Less witnesses."

I'd like to say he sighed and drove off. Instead he asked what I was on about. I explained the joke to which he said, "I raised you better. You're supposed to say $10 a gram or 10k for the whole lab."

Making a SOY protein shake when my dad walks in.

Dad: whatchya doing? Me: making a protein shake Dad: what kind? Me: Chocolate.

My dad picks up the large bottle of protein powder and exclaims, ' 24 grams of protein?! No whey...'

He was telling me that his grandma had recently started using Twitter and Instagram.

I asked him if that makes her his "Insta-gram."

He was only mildly amused.

He sent me this pic: http://imgur.com/MuXVhX0

For those that don't get it, it's Avogadro's constant, whose value is: 6.022141×10^23. This number represents the number of atoms in one gram of Carbon-12.

Gram: It was okay, nothing to write home about. Dad: Then it's a good thing you're already there.

I call it Insta-gram.