I wanted to name our child Lance, but my wife said is was too uncommon
... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
My name is Lee and i have a son.
Mom, why is my name Denephew?
My name is Nicholas,
But I'm unemployed, so you can call me nickle-less
So my Uber driver's name is Adill
I really hope his driving doesn't get me into a pickle
My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
So my name is William
And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?
Me: They call me both.
Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.
I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.
My name is Aaron. My son's name is Aaron too. Every morning, we go for a jog together.
When my wife asks where we went, I tell her we were just running Aarons.
My name is Tyler. Yesterday I got an email addressed to “Yler”. I pity the fool who makes a mistake like that.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I said, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
My wife told me that her hairstylist's name is Rhoda.
My name is Joe. I'm a cup of me.
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
"My name is History, and my name is History...
...Sorry, I tend to repeat myself."
My father’s name is Lee. My name is Riley.
As a kid, if I ever said the word “apparently”, he would interrupt to shout “A Son Riley!”
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
There's a new rapper in my city, his name is dx.
I don't know man, seems to me like he's a little derivative.
My name is bond, double.....
My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?
Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
/r/Weekness/comments/erz6…
My girlfriend is a sheep farmer. When she starts to have orgasms, she wants me to shout the names of local movie showplaces.
She likes coming to a theater near ewe.
My dad’s name is Dick, a few years ago he had a stroke.
He goes around telling people he’s a self stroking Dick. True story.
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said ‘I lost my brother’. The police said ‘what is your name’ ‘shutup’ the police said ‘what did you say to me’ ‘shutup’. The police said ‘are you looking for trouble’ ‘yep’
Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name
"Hi my name is David and i lost my ID...
... I guess you can call me Dav now."
So my fiance recently divorced from her stay at home ex whose name is Ali. He was making a fuss about not getting his cash settlements from the divorce. I had to calm her down and tell her to
My five-year-old just asked me what my name is and I told him "You know what my name is."
He replied, "Your name is 'You know what my name is'?"
I've never been prouder.
My name is larious
Everyone texts me: Hi larious
My girlfriend's pet name is Venison.
Because she's so deer to me.
Kemal is my first and last name.
Cuz I don't plan on changing it.
My son asked me "What is the dumbest bird name, like, EVER!"
Cockatoo. I mean, there wasn't even a Cockaone...
Hi. My name is DAK.
Hi. My name is DAK. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says “sorry sir we don’t serve string here”. He then proceeds to tie him into a knot and throw in outside. Whilst outside, a pack of feral canines attack the piece of string until his fibers are loosened in a disheveled manner. The piece of string them proceeds to re enter the bar in need of medical assistance. “Hey, aren’t you the string I just threw out?” Asks the bartender. “No sir,” replies the string, “I’m a frayed knot”
I need help! I am co-captain of a team to raise money for cancer. My team needs a name. I need to mix some element of cancer with Alice in Wonderland. I need a pun, and I figured this subreddit is the best place to go. Thanks
Son: why is my sisters name Paris?
Dad: because thats where she was concieved.
Son: thanks, dad!
Dad: no problem, backseat.
**Dad:** Hey M, did you hear about that kidnapping? (my little sisters name is Emma, everyone calls her M for short)
My Little Sister: No! What happened?!
Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.
My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES
Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.
My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?
Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)
I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN
Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?
Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!
My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!
Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.
My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.
Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.
My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.
-
I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.
-
I really love my family. Lol
My doctors name is Peter Parker.
But I just call him Web MD.
My daughter is 14 and dating. Her boyfriend’s name is Braden, I think..so I just use any B name that comes to mind to annoy her. Braden, Brody, Bradley, Brandon, Bruce, Bryce, etc. Looking for more suggestions! I also talk gangster to her all the time to get her going. Being a ‘Dad Joke’ Dad is fun!
My name is Mason and I'm a stoner.
As my 17yo son is telling me about his new girlfriend, whose name is Autumn...
I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'
He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.
My wife’s name is Vera. Every morning I wake up and say “Cactus..!!!!”
Well it’s quicker than saying “‘Allo Vera...!”
Doctor: Hi, my name is Juan, and I’ll be delivering your baby.
Dad: OB Juan, you’re our only hope.
My name is David and I want to name my son Harley.
That way when someone is asking who that kid is, someone can say, “that’s Harley, Davidson.”
(This really something I’m considering btw)
My aunt is having twins. Dad thinks she should name the girl Denise.
This is my big cat, Chairman...(his name is the pun)
My coworker's last name is Sportsman and this is his boat.
My friend just had three kids! He asked me what to name them. I said ‘James, Charles and Li Zhao’ He asked me why the last one was Li Zhao. So I said ‘Because every 3rd person born in this world is Chinese
My dad tells people his name is Sam at every restaurant we go to so when they call his name he can say "Sam I am"
He does this at every restaurant. He has been going to the same Starbucks for about 7 years now and to this day they still think his name is Sam.
My kids just got a new puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, and one in particular. I suggested they name him “Nature.”
Because nature abhors a vacuum
My name is Joseph Kingston
My name is Tanner.
Whenever people say they're tan, I always say "But I'm Tanner."
My friends hate me
I asked my friend Miles if he was interested in knowing how his name is pronounced in Europe he said sure so I replied
Just to let you know, my name is Three
and before you say anything, I know, It's odd
My girlfriend's last name is Pan. We were making hot dogs. She was debating how I should cook them, so I said "I like to put my wiener in a pan".
It worked well. The hot dogs were delicious.
Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
I keep mispelling my friend brians name brain he gets super mad which is out of character
I didn't think he'd really mind
Conversation with my fiancées father (second yellow is her name) after reading r/dadjokes for too long...
My name is Arpan.
I'm not the only person in India named Arpan tho.
You'll find many /r/puns in my country.
My friend's last name is Price.
When children are born into his family, the doctor tells them to name their Price.
My friend gave his kids old fashioned names. The little boy is called Hunter.
The little girl is Gatherer.
My middle and last name is Chase Colby
I’m going to name my son Jack, that way he will have to fill out forms for the rest of his life saying that his name is Colby, Jack Chase.
My cat name is Random
I call him whatever I feel like calling
My name is Avoid Atallcosts
Danger is my middle name.
If my first kid is a boy I'm going to name him Björn
So that when he asks why I named him that, I can tell him "Because you are my first Björn"
My name is Joe and I forgot something important. My girlfriend yells, "Jesus, Joseph!"...
...I reply, "You forgot Mary."
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name...
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My name is David, and I just lost my ID somewhere.
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.”
I replied, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
My last name is the same as my first name, never changed it.
My sister just had twins, a boy and a girl, and she let me name them! The girl's name is Denise.
The boy's name is Denephew.
When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, “But your name is Brian...”
I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"
My name is Tanner
Whenever people say they're tan I always say "But I'm Tanner."
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