I told my son Facebook is changing its name to Meta. He asked "what's a meta?"
I said "nothing, what's a meta with you?"
π︎ 11k
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︎ Oct 28 2021
My name is Brian and I am dyslexic. You know what that means, kids?
It means something is wrong with my brian
π︎ 35
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︎ Nov 19 2021
Me: Hi my name is Jeff and I'm an alcoholic
AAA: Sir, this is Triple A, not AA.
Me: I know, I'm trying to explain why my car is in the lake.
π︎ 990
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︎ Oct 08 2021
My son is going to name his child a six-letter word that rhymes with "curd".
π︎ 41
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︎ Oct 29 2021
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Girlfriend got this from one of her kindy kids; My family name is Barker. My dad is a Barker, my mom is barker, I am a Barker
π︎ 20
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︎ Oct 16 2021
My wife was telling me about Cher "Did you know her real name is Cherilyn Sarkisian, but she went all mononymous like Madonna"
"Except she was pre-Madonna" I replied. It took her a second but she groaned. Got her good.
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 28 2021
I keep calling my wife Delilah even though her name is Delia. I keep calling our lawn "the green, green grass of home". And worst of all, every time I see a cat, I can't help but ask, "What's new, pussycat?"
It turns out I have Tom Jones Syndrome. My doctor says it's not unusual.
π︎ 35
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︎ Sep 13 2021
We went to pick up our curbside grocery order, and the lady placing the bags in our trunk saw my son in his rear facing car seat. She said, "Oh my gosh, he's so cute! What's his name? Is he walking? Can he talk?"
I replied, "Those are pretty strange guesses. But no, his name is Raymond."
π︎ 26
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︎ Aug 25 2021
My friendβs first name is Colin
and his last name is Oscopy
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 29 2021
While discussing the name of the Cleveland Guardians, my wife suggested the name Cleveland Cougars and then asked, βWhat color is a cougar anyway? Are they spotted?β
Me: Well, only when you can say βhey look, thereβs a cougar!β
^(My wife claimed she rolled her eyes so hard it gave her a headache, but I threw up imaginary high fives and fist bumps to my fellow punsters.)
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 25 2021
Hi my name is James Nasium
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 11 2021
My son is starting school next year but is scared because he thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I reassured him, "Don't be silly! Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
π︎ 14
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︎ May 16 2021
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 29 2019
My middle name is Stevenson because my dads name is Steven and Iβm his son.
So I guess you could say dad jokes are my middle name.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 26 2021
My name is James Pond
https://preview.redd.it/9xul1iqrvuh61.jpg?width=577&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa91d7b8ec2bf5425cbe5c884fccf4de6c658b1e
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 16 2021
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 01 2021
My fathers name is Parkin
He has a genetic disease, that i too have.
I am Parkin's son
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
π︎ 44k
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︎ Nov 24 2018
My new horseβs name is Mayo.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My fatherβs name is Lee. My name is Riley.
As a kid, if I ever said the word βapparentlyβ, he would interrupt to shout βA Son Riley!β
π︎ 12k
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︎ Feb 08 2019
Hello, my name is Richard, and I have a bad knee..
You can call me Limp Dick
π︎ 17
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Mom, why is my name Denephew?
π︎ 111
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︎ Aug 17 2020
My name is Nicholas,
But I'm unemployed, so you can call me nickle-less
π︎ 17
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︎ Aug 25 2020
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jeffersonβ¦ He said, βBut dad, your name is Brian.β I said, βI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.β
π︎ 1k
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︎ Oct 17 2019
My name is Joe. I'm a cup of me.
π︎ 151
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︎ Nov 03 2019
My dog's name is holmes
So when I'm at work he's Holmes alone
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 01 2020
So my name is William
And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?
Me: They call me both.
Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.
I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.
π︎ 100
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︎ Mar 26 2020
My name is Rob
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 06 2020
My name is Aaron. My son's name is Aaron too. Every morning, we go for a jog together.
When my wife asks where we went, I tell her we were just running Aarons.
π︎ 18
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︎ Apr 02 2020
So my Uber driver's name is Adill
I really hope his driving doesn't get me into a pickle
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 20 2020
My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 12 2020
My name is Tyler. Yesterday I got an email addressed to βYlerβ. I pity the fool who makes a mistake like that.
π︎ 7
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︎ May 13 2020
My name is bond, double.....
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 29 2020
"My name is History, and my name is History...
...Sorry, I tend to repeat myself."
π︎ 18
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︎ Apr 19 2020
My wife told me that her hairstylist's name is Rhoda.
π︎ 2
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︎ May 23 2020
As my 17yo son is telling me about his new girlfriend, whose name is Autumn...
I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'
He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 12 2015
There's a new rapper in my city, his name is dx.
I don't know man, seems to me like he's a little derivative.
π︎ 15
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︎ Mar 22 2020
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
π︎ 28
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My name is Lee and i have a son.
π︎ 37
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
π︎ 273
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︎ Oct 07 2019
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name...
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 07 2018
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I said, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
π︎ 41
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︎ Apr 02 2020
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jeffersonβ¦ He said, βBut dad, your name is Brian.β I said, βI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.β
π︎ 72
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︎ Nov 06 2019
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